6 Steps to Spiritual Balance and a Zen Mind

Have you ever noticed how the Huffington Post emphasizes number titles? We have discussed that technique here before. You grab your audience's attention while still letting them know that the length of time they need to focus is well within their truncated attention span.
In the Huffington Post right now we have no fewer than 9 articles that use this approach to introduce  information.
10 Reasons to Meditate

4 Common Mispronunciations That Drive Me Crazy

10 Most Horrifying Things Landlords Have Done
6 Ways To Simplify Your Morning Beauty Routine
5 Ways Stress Accelerates Aging

6 Awesome And Affordable Hotels For Beach Bums 

9 Fitness Retreats To Whip You Into Shape For Summer 2013
7 Surprising Things That Age You Faster
17 Things To Never Do Alone
First, you don't need to be a stickler about round numbers, so you can go ahead and say things like, "5 Ways to Avoid Painful Constipation" or "3 Steps to Reducing Thigh Friction". It does seem important to not have your numbers be too big. The title above, "17 Things To Never Do Alone", tripped me up. I thought maybe they could have done better by limiting it to 10 or 11, especially since most of them were total fluff. 
I mean really... never hang that picture alone?  Why zero in on that? 
How about replacing that stupid thing with never sticking a live eel up your butt alone? Who would take you to the hospital to have it surgically removed?
Anyway, today I am offering my advice in this very popular, numbered style.
I have been paging through women's magazines and the health websites of the Internet recently and noticed how much space in the advice columns is devoted to "spiritual balance". Someone like me who has lived a long and exciting life has important advice to lend to others who are still trying to find their ways. Yes, I know most of you will be surprised that I have life-advice to offer, since you think I am an incredibly shallow and superficial person, only interested in wine and good fish 'n' chips.
But nothing could be further from the truth; I am interested in good pizza as well.
In fact, I have experienced Zen meditation and the enlightenment that comes from powerful centering exercises with my body through the martial arts. It is this background that presses me to pass along some of what I have learned to those of you who have not been so blessed with these revelations.
A key component of your spiritual development and one that is mentioned by almost every mentor in this field is keeping your spiritual center and physical being in balance.
Gurus and other spiritual leaders talk in parables, so I should follow their lead to help make some of these concepts easier to understand for you, the layperson.

You undoubtedly have a feeling that your inner self still retains the blissful openness of childhood and that your eyes want to drink in the excitement of the world around you as if experiencing everything for the first time. In your mind's eye you chase the wind-tossed, dandelion fluff through the forest of your imagination – free and innocent.
This is your spiritual core revealing itself to you, calling out to you.
Then you look at your physical being and realize that rather than the frisky inner child you imagine yourself to be you are actually more like a manatee. In fact, the only drinking in of experience you have had is the six-pack of beer you finish off every evening in front of the TV.  This is WHY you are called a layperson*.

But getting to your balance, this parable shows how you can have an unbalance between these two sides of your being; your yin is weighing down your wang... no, yang.
Something like that.
Anyway, there are steps YOU can take in the comfort of your own home to restore this balance and find transcendental bliss.
1. It is unreasonable to expect to adjust only one side of your nature to fit the other. True, the manatee will have to cut back on the beer, but the inner child will also have to grow up and face the reality of the manatee. Manatees are actually herbivores, so that would be a good start right there, and inner children should not drink beer, since they are underage.
Just saying.
2. Focus on the positive by finding the aspects of both sides of you and realizing their potentials. Your left side says "blubber" and your right side agrees. There you go, another good start.
3. Think about your inner child and ask it if it can compromise to some extent. Both sides have to meet halfway. It's like the Israeli-Palestinian problem. Nobody gets everything s/he wants. Your inner child must give up the acting out part of its adventure (the manatee cannot frisk through the forest), and the manatee side must cut back on the "settlements" (if you get my drift).
4. Learn to feel good about BOTH sides of your being. The yin and the wang both. If your inner child can learn to love the manatee and the manatee can accept the inner child – each on its own terms – you will be able to have your cake and eat it too.
5. Wait... no cake.
6. Surround yourself with fellow travelers. Reinforcement for your spiritual balance from the outside can only help you to achieve your transcendental goals. Find another manatee with an inner child, struggling to get out.
And remember this: Zen means never having to say you are.
Finally, appreciate your mentors and gurus. We do accept all major credit cards as well as cash donations.
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*Don't mess with me about "lay" and "lie"; I know the difference. Many people still say, "Go lay down for a while until the vodka wears off", I use the word "lay" with that in mind. Yes... "lie" is grammatically correct. If you want to be a "lieperson", go for it.

夫源病 or HSD

As if it hasn't been enough that women are thinking that maybe men are not necessary any more; I wrote about this way back in 2011. Now it seems that research in Japan (in Japanese) conducted at Osaka University of Graduate Medical Research shows that husbands can actually make their wives sick.
It's called 夫源病 which translates out to "Husband-Sourced Disease or – to put it into the popular psycho-labeling format – HSD. I checked the DSM-V (THE manual of psychiatric disorders and "issues") and could not find any reference to this problem. Obviously the American Psychiatric Association has not faced patients with symptoms that they can clearly associate with this disorder.
In Japan, on the other hand, it has even made it to the evening news and the media is abuzz with discussion about identifying the problem, its immediate precipitating causes and what steps can be taken to treat it.
Marriage is a two-way street of course and not all wives are vulnerable. It's important to identify what sort of wife is at risk of falling prey to this affliction? By Japanese standards the most susceptible are what the article describes as "a good wife and wise mother". What are the characteristics of such a spouse?
A convenient checklist is provided*.
She is:
1. uncomplaining, persevering
2. methodical with a strong sense of responsibility
3. unlikely to cry or get angry in public
4. not good at expressing her opinion to others, and even if confronted with outrageous comments, finds it difficult to contradict them.
5. strongly identifying with being a "good wife" and a "good mother"
6. worried about what others think
7. troubled deeply by details
If you are not this type of wife, you probably have very little to worry about.

What symptoms might a patient experience? (in order of most common)
1. dizziness or vertigo
2. headaches
3. a ringing in the ears
4. hot flashes
5. stiff shoulders
6. body aches and pains
7. palpitations
8. shortness of breath or labored breathing
9. sleeplessness
10. washed out feeling
The article says that while these symptoms are typical of menopause which normally occurs in women in the ages between 40 and 50, the HSD symptoms appear in a range wider even than 20 to 60.
And what kind of men are responsible for causing these awful symptoms in their wives, even at the early age of 20?
I am afraid to look, but here goes.
These men, these PIGS:
1. are nice around other people but crabby at home
2. check up on their wives' every move and appointment
3. always talk down to their wives
4. have no friends or interests outside of work
5. never help with housework but talk about it a lot
6. hate to go out alone with their wives
7. brag about how they are supporting their wives and children
8. think highly of how they help around the house and with the children
9. never say "thank you" or "I'm sorry"
10. have a personality change behind the wheel of their car
The results?
If your husband manifests four of these traits or less, you are OK and probably not going to get HSD. If, however, he shows 5 to 7 of them, HSD could be waiting in the wings. 8 or more and you probably will get HSD.

What steps can you as an HSD sufferer take to relieve these symptoms? (Don't wait too long and exhibit psychopathic symptoms that you cannot control.)
1. Have a good cry. See a movie or a TV drama or listen to evocative music and just "let it all out". You will feel cleansed afterwards.
2. Shout. Go to a karaoke box or other private place and just scream and shout.
(crying and shouting moves your diaphragm which is very good for your autonomic nervous system)
3. Get some exercise. Hit a boxing sandbag or strike at a ball. The aggressive, hitting nature of the activity is effective.
4. Keep some secrets. Buy something expensive or have a lavish dinner, but don't tell your husband about it. Doing something "naughty" is important.
5. Have a little fight with your spouse. Try to get your thick-headed spouse to understand you.
6. Pretend to run away from home (last resort). Don't make any advance preparations, but just up and leave. This will make your husband appreciate you more.

As I review the checklist of spousal qualities that will precipitate this disability in wives, I guess that maybe I don't fit most of them. Of course, "thick headed" husbands everywhere probably do not feel that they fit the list. Maybe you wives should leave this article lying around with the list ticked off, so that we men can find it and recognize our failings better.
But then, that will only make us crabbier: a vicious cycle. No wonder the divorce rate in Japan is going up and women don't want to get married.

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* All of these points are simply a translation of the article about this research. I am most assuredly not making anything up.

Orthodox in a Bag

Religion can be pretty weird.
Think about Jim Jones and his Kool-Aid followers (I was tempted to make it sound like a band name, but they were too creepy to use it that way). But let's face it; people believe religious stuff, and it takes them to unusual places.
Look what happened to the Branch Davidians at Waco (and why are they "Branch" and not mainline?).
And who even wants to think about Mormons: Mitt Romney (shudder), I rest my case.
But if – in the interest of discussion – you were to think of religious practices that indicate "special" behaviors, what do you think would be at the top of the list?
How about putting yourself into a big plastic bag on an airplane?
If I can stop laughing, I will finish this... I swear it.
OK...

So here is the situation.
A guy is in a bag on an airplane (Yes... once again, it is a guy. Sometimes I feel SO embarrassed!). He is said to be an orthodox Jew.
He has put himself into a large plastic bag; this was not something done to him.
Why?
If you have already read about this, then you know, but if not, why do you think he is in the bag?
Here are the multiple choice options.

a) Orthodox Jews of his position are not allowed to be so close to women, so to protect him from their "cooties" he has put himself into a big baggie.
b) Orthodox Jews of his position are not allowed to fly over cemeteries as it makes them "impure", so to protect himself from the emissions of the cemeteries below, he has put himself into a big baggie.
c) Orthodox Jews of his position are actually not allowed to fly (like the Amish) but if they insulate themselves from the plane by putting themselves into a big baggie, they can fly.
d) He thought he could check himself as the bag of the guy sitting next to him, but the airline said he was "carry on".
e) This man is not an orthodox Jew of any special position but rather a nut. The airline people had him removed from the plane.

If you guessed (b), you win!
Apparently, he is a Kohen (resulting in English names like Cohen, Cahn, Conway, etc.) and as such they are forbidden to come into contact with the dead, even at 10,000 meters.
He is flying in an aluminum airplane, but that is not enough protection from the cemeteries below. You know how that cemetery radiation can be: 10,000 meters of air and a thick aluminum airplane fuselage are like vapor, but come up against a big Hefty bag? FULL STOP!
He also wears a yarmulke (rather than a tinfoil helmet), but that is not enough.
Clearly he needs to enclose himself in a big baggie.
Duh?
Sealing himself into the large Hefty bag renders him immune to any bad vibrations from cemeteries below.
Do you understand this?
Neither do I.
An alternative explanation is that being in a "hermetically sealed bag" on several flights, might have caused him to suffer from serious oxygen deprivation, rendering him "a nut" as in choice (e) above. So if you chose (e), you get the consolation prize!
Interestingly, these "priests" can defile themselves in many ways (such as marrying a prostitute), but if they later divorce the prostitute or stop their "bad-boy ways" they can be restored automatically to their special status as orthodox priests. How cool is that! Even Christians can't get away with stuff like that so easily.
I try to imagine his thinking, "Here I am, an important priest in my religion who is forbidden to be anywhere near a cemetery. I might fly over such a cemetery during this flight from Tel Aviv to Eilat where I need to go for my vacation (wink wink... thinking serious "bad boy" here!). So I have put myself into this big plastic bag to protect me from the emissions of ANY cemetery below. And NO, I don't want the in-flight meal, and DO NOT offend me with the inflight movie."
And here we thought only Christians and Muslims produced nutters.
Orthodox Jew nutter to go, anyone?

English in Japan by the Year 2313!

I have written about English education here before, introducing my new and innovative techniques based on long, professional experience.
Of course, many of you know that English has been a compulsory subject for Japanese pupils from junior through senior high school since the War. Students often continue their English training in college, and starting in 2011, English has even been required in the higher grades of elementary school. Many people also have also attended language schools to learn the language, and this remains a major industry in Japan. Despite these valiant efforts, however, actual English usage remains undeveloped in the general population. In TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language used for admission to US universities), Japan ranked 135th out of 163 countries. Cambodia, Lao, Tajikistan and other less developed countries anchor the bottom of the rankings, but Japan is trying hard to crowd them out. In fact even though Japanese take the TOEIC (Test of English for International Communication) almost three times as often as the rest of the world combined, their scores are solidly in the cellar. Gold medal Japan!
Since all of us know Japanese who speak English really well, the problem is clearly not a genetic one.
Education is the issue.
One can paraphrase Winston Churchill here and say, "Never has so much been done by so many for so little."

Important change is afoot, however!
On TV these days we can see an ad for an English language school which starts out with the main character sitting in a sidewalk café, talking in English to his dog. The dog looks up at him expectantly. He bends over and says pithy lines to the dog.
"Your master is feeling down. It was a problem with the boss at work. It hurts, because there is a lot of trust involved. Your master might even resign. But, it's important to believe in yourself. The future depends on what we do now. You believe in your master, right?"
The dog barks once, reassuring his master that he does indeed believe in him. The man turns to a woman who has been sitting there all the while and says, "I believe in you too." She replies, "Thank you, Yusuke. Thank you." and smiles gratefully, perhaps delighted that he was able to master an inter-human action in English at last, or that he might call her a cab so she can escape a date gone badly wrong.

Clearly this school has developed a new language teaching technique, employing animals in the intermediate stages of training. Despite the somewhat off-the-wall aspect of his words, and the fact that he is sharing them with a dog, the man's English actually comes off OK. Clearly if you can learn to talk to your dog in lengthy and fluent sentences, talking to a human – if even only briefly – becomes that much easier.
She did say "thank you" after all!
It's a technique that might hold some promise in the compulsory levels of English education in Japan. It's a well-known fact that many elementary school teachers resent the burden of having to teach English to their charges, since most of them did not themselves specialize in English. How much easier it would be to bring some docile animals to class – small dogs or even lazy cats – and let the children practice on them! A recording by a native speaker could provide the model which the children would then repeat in unison to the animals. It would provide a non-judgemental and non-threatening environment in which the kids could learn practical, everyday English without pressure.

Recording: Your master is feeling down.
Pupils (to the animals): Your master is feeling down.
Recording: It was a problem with the teacher at school.
Pupils: It was a problem with the teacher at school.
Recording: Your master might even have to report him to the authorities.
Pupils: Your master might even have to report him to the authorities.

And so on. Then like the man in the commercial, they could apply simple substitution-drill-type adjustments to transfer these skills to the real world of talking to humans.

Pupil (to strange foreigner on the street): I might even have to report you to the authorities.
Foreigner: Cosa? Non parlo inglese.

Advancements are being made not only in using animals to help out with the language-learning paralysis of Japanese education, but "speed learning" is also being promoted on TV as the way to get that much longed-for, casual English, language skill. A young golfer appears in the commercials talking about how great speed learning has been for his English skills. At the end of the commercial they show him – deer-in-the-headlights – talking with an actual foreigner and saying "yes" several times in a dramatic demonstration of how he has improved.
In another episode, an elderly lady describes how she has gotten a lot better at English through this method, and she too, shows off her linguistic abilities by telling a small group of foreigners that "something... something... (not clear) was founded during the Edo Period." The foreigners nod approvingly much in the same way the dog barked in the other commercial. You can order the complete set of 48 speed learning materials for only a little more than ¥160,000 (about $1600). They list 2 sets as a one-month lesson, so the whole package should keep you busy for 2 years if you are diligent. Speedy speedy!

But, English has come a long way since the old days when ruthless audio-lingual drills and touchy feelie Total Physical Response activities failed to bring practical English skills to the Japanese public at large. Now they can fail in a modern way with animals or through the miracle of speed learning! Maybe the animals can take the speed learning classes and become kind of "hearing-ear" critters to help handicapped Japanese negotiate the world of English?

Which reminds me of another joke (sorry about this).
The Japanese professor is giving a presentation at an international conference, diligently reading the lecture notes he has written in English.
An American in the audience turns to one of his colleagues and says, "What really amazes me is how much Japanese actually sounds like English at times!"

72 – count 'em – Virgins or Raisins

I have written here before, making fun of Christian fundamentalists and their silly beliefs in creationism and intelligent design. Indeed just last week, I mentioned some techniques to keep the fundies from your door. Many people might think that I have it in for Christians, but nothing could be further from the truth.
I am an equal opportunity offender.
The doctrines of any religion reveal a lot about its inner sexual psychology. The celibacy and exclusion of women in the Catholic Church's priesthood cannot help but attract a "certain kind" of man. We have seen a lot of what those "certain kinds" of men have been doing in their positions of late.
The doctrine of fundamentalist Islam also reveals a lot about believers' psychology. Haven't you ever wondered about the 72 virgins that jihadist martyrs are supposed to get when they ascend to heaven (actually it is any male believer)?
There are so many unanswered questions!
Where do these virgins come from?
What do they look like?
Why is it so important that they be virgin; wouldn't a more experienced... um... heavenly hostess have an enhanced appeal?
In the interest of edification, I have done some research into this topic and can present to you the definitive answer to these questions.
All of the answers come directly from Qur'anic or related sources.
First of all, I am sure you are curious about what these virgins look like!
Since women in many Muslim countries are required to cover themselves to the point that they look indistinguishable from moving yard-waste bags, one cannot help but wonder what imaginations Muslim men must have about paradise (yes, it is all men).
The virgins will have "wide and lovely eyes like pearls". Of course, most pearls I have seen don't make such great looking eyes, but – hey – whatever floats your boat, right?
Not only that, the virgins will be "hairless except the eye brows and the head". This makes me wonder if waxing is popular in Muslim countries! If not, there's a good business opportunity for you there.
The virgins will be "voluptuous" with "large, round breasts which are not inclined to hang". (see picture from Islamic website). The virgins will be "beautiful" (of course), "white skinned" (starting to see a prejudice here...), "eternally young", and – somewhat mysteriously – "companions of equal age". Equal age to whom? The dead guy? What if he was 90?*
But wait, there's more!
The virgins will be "transparent to the marrow of their bones". This may mean that all you could see is the marrow of their bones, or that you cannot see the virgins at all; neither of which ties in well with "beautiful".
They will also be quite large (no, I am not making this up). They will stand 27.5 meters tall (60 cubits) and will be 3.2 meters (7 cubits) in width. This is getting into nightmare territory for me, but we should respect their religious beliefs, right?
What about their all-important sexual attributes?
Well, obviously they are virgins, but not only that, they remain virgins even AFTER sex with the guy that gets them! Yes, their hymens are "unbroken by sexual intercourse", kind of like a self-sealing fuel tank on a fighter jet.
Born again virgins! How cool is that?
Clearly the unbroken hymen is the definition of "virgin" in the Muslim world. If a woman has sex repeatedly but still manages to preserve the hymen, no problem! Do they then "service" the next group of ascending men? Maybe there are ONLY 72 "virgins"!
The virgins will also have "appetizing vaginas" (no, I am really not making this up). Yum yum!
But – hey – it cannot be all about sex; get real! No, these virgins have personalities! We cannot just think of them as sex objects; where HAVE you been?
What about their personalities? The Qur'an reveals that despite their lusty appearance and eagerness for sex, they are "chaste" and "restrain their glances" and when they do look at you, they have a "modest gaze".
They also are "pure". I am not sure what "pure" means when describing a virgin who has repeated sex with someone, but who am I to judge, right?
The virgins also do not menstruate (maybe they are guys?). They do not pee, nor do they poop (this could lead to serious health problems later on). AND they will never bear a child (sounds like a guy to me).
Finally, the virgins are never dissatisfied. So no matter how inadequate you may feel here in this life – you pathetic weeny with major sexual insecurities, you – the virgins will fluff you up to feel better about yourself!
My feeling is that instead of the drones dropping bombs on the benighted Taliban in Pakistan and Afghanistan, they should drop information about the virgins.
"DO YOU WANT THIS?!" with a picture of a huge, transparent being with only bone marrow showing. It would cut the jihad off at the knees.
Of course there is the alternative translation to all of the above which is that the dead male would get 72 white raisins upon his ascent into heaven (no, I am not making that up either). Somehow, the white raisins seem less inspiring for a soldier of Islam. I mean, on the one hand – virgins (even kind of creepy, HUGE ones), and on the other – raisins. Which would YOU die for?

This all reminds me of a joke I heard which you also probably know.
The jihadist is killed in combat and ascends expectantly to heaven. He enters the pearly gates (or whatever they are in Islamic mythology) and is immediately confronted by George Washington who kicks him in the teeth, knocking him to the ground. His face bloodied, he looks up in bewilderment only to see Thomas Jefferson coming up from behind. Jefferson kicks him in the nuts. Then Robert E. Lee appears, and he stomps the fallen jihadist in the stomach several times. The jihadist is perplexed and cries out in anguish, "Why?"
To which Washington replies, "It was Virginians, you fool, not virgins! Hey, Ella (Fitzgerald), do you want to have go at him too?"
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* I looked this up separately, and apparently it means that the virgins will all be of an age. Sorry about the distraction.

Cult Control

Most of us have had this experience. Your doorbell rings and you open your door to find a small clutch of people, looking earnestly at you. They ask you if you read the Bible or if you would like to pray with them. Yes, I am talking about the religious cults whose members go door-to-door, trying their best to benight others into their own narrow minded beliefs. Some came around here just yesterday.
What to do?
Of course, the easiest thing to do is simply to say, "Go bugger off!" and slam the door in their faces. This is the "classic approach". It would be better if you didn't have to actually say anything, but simply have a can of spray "Cult-B-Gon" that you could dispense in their direction, sending them fleeing into the street.
The downside to these straightforward techniques, however, is the bad taste of dissatisfaction it leaves in your mouth. Rejection only makes the cult people stronger as they probably believe they get brownie points in heaven for "suffering" in the name of their religion.
Much better would be to have them leave of their own accord.
One solution was offered by a former English teacher in this area. His idea was to prepare a white lab coat and a large pair of calipers near your front door. When the cult members would come, you would don the lab coat and invite them in. Once inside, you would ask them to remain very still before they could begin their spiel about their religion. Using the calipers, you would measure each of their heads from side to side, concluding with singling out one of them, "You can stay, the rest of you must go." The teacher figured they would all leave on their own, not gaining any brownie points for their "suffering".
Another solution that didn't require any advance preparation was once again to invite them in. When they begin their presentation, you interrupt them and ask, "Does your god glow in the dark?" Undoubtedly they would be perplexed by your question, but answer in the negative. With a snort, you further query, "Well, surely your god's eggs glow in the dark then, don't they?" Assuming you have some sort of mental illness, they would probably leave on their own accord, once again, gaining no brownie points for their efforts.
The third technique is to preempt them in their presentation. After inviting them in, you ask for them to quickly join hands with you in prayer. You pray loudly to some god that is unfamiliar to anyone – say, Zorbac – calling on his (or her) blessing for the poor misguided folk who have been brought to your doorstep by providence and his (or her) divine intervention. The visitors will become very uncomfortable and leave on their own account when they discover how committed you are to your beliefs and how unwilling to let them get a word in edgewise.
I am sure there are other equally fun ways to deal with the pesky religious cultists. If you have any ideas, please let me know!

The Stink of Spring

I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that the stink bug season will be upon us soon.
The Asian brown marmorated stink bug has invaded the US and is about to descend in Biblical proportions on delicious US crops, devouring all in its path and laying waste to the landscape, turning once fertile fields into windblown, desert desolation.
OK, it's not THAT bad, but the nasty bugs do pose a threat to US crops, and 2013 is looking to be a bad year. Not only do they feast on a wide variety of crops, but they are very difficult to eradicate. Even swatting them with a magazine or a slipper leaves a bad smell behind which is itself very difficult to remove.
Being "Asian" stink bugs, we have them here in Japan, of course, and have suffered from the "over-wintering" problem in our house. They sneak into the crooks and crannies of the walls and hibernate, then when warmer spring weather arrives, they come out in their masses, looking for dates. They crowd around on the windows and walls, checking each other out, often pairing off and ... well... this IS a family blog... you can imagine what they do.
We vacuum them up, but that leaves a very bad smell – true to their name – in the vacuum exhaust.
In the US, they are experimenting with various ways of eliminating this destructive pest. They have tested pheromones to lure the stinky creatures into traps, but these have not proven to deal with the large numbers of bugs around. Chemical solutions have been tried as well, but the sprays they use must go on the fruits and vegetables which humans also eat, so the risk of toxicity to consumers is also a concern. There is a small parasitic wasp that lays its eggs among stink bug eggs. The wasp eggs hatch and eat up the stink bug eggs around them. The trouble with using a non-native species of wasp is that nobody knows what other side effects it might have. Non-native species can be unexpectedly dangerous. The inadvertent introduction of the brown snake in Guam, for example, almost obliterated the native bird population. Similar disastrous effects have been shown in New Zealand as well; mammals brought in from outside killed off a lot of the native birds which had evolved to become flightless for lack of predators, making them easy prey.
What can be done about the stink bugs?
First of all it's important to relate to them in their own language. These ARE Asian stink bugs after all, and most – if not all – of them probably understand Japanese. So we should look to Japan to see what they do to deal with these pests.
In Japan, cracking down on social problems such as criminal gangs and the like is done by flying large banners that say things like, "Stop Idling" or "Stop Old People Traffic Accidents", "Stop Motorcycle Rough Riders", or even "Stop Gangs".  This same strategy also applies to stink bugs.
Yes, they fly banners in the fields saying "Stop Stink Bugs". These red banners make the stink bugs feel unwelcome and encourage them to move along and not eat up the tender stalks of rice. Most of them probably go to the US.
The US needs to buy these banners and fly them in its fields and orchards to make the stink bugs move to another place. Some of the stink bugs may have adapted to American life, so it would not be a bad idea to have banners in both Japanese and English, just in case.
If we can continue this program, eventually we can convince the stinky insects that they all must move to Canada or some other inhospitably cold place where they will "overwinter" for their whole lives, never coming out in spring.