It's not all fun and games here.
Often we have undertaken to solve some of the pressing problems of the day by force of sheer intellectual power. Remember the Senkaku Island dispute? Yep, we came up with an ingenious solution that – somehow – the parties involved are ignoring; there is no accounting for obstinate ignorance. Or how about solving some of our desperate energy predicaments? Yes indeedy! We have been right on top of that too with win-win solutions that save the day.
So to continue that serious intent and not just waste your time with more silliness, today we would like to discuss the problem of global warming that I am sure you have heard about.
First, scientists always tell you... well, actually a lot of other people also tell you – like my teachers in high school who hated me (but that's a different story) – that you need to "define your terms".
They say, "Before we can have a meaningful discussion about this topic, you need to "define your terms" so that we know we are talking about the same thing, on the same page, so to speak. Or they would write (like on one of my term papers that I spent all morning writing!), "You did not define your terms adequately, so your conclusions are nonsense! Attila the Hun being 'hungry' did not lead to the establishment of the country, Hungary."
So what are the terms we need to define in this case? Clearly "global" is one of them. Let's go ahead and define that right here.
global (adj.): referring to globe or globes (like duh?)
Clearly this definition is not adequate to "define our terms" in a way that would have been acceptable to – say – Prof. T in college who I hope has "gone on to his reward in heaven".
(Gone on to (someone's) reward in heaven (v): died)
So let's define "globe" next.
globe (n): a spherical or rounded object.
OK now we are getting somewhere.
Next we need to define "warming".
warming (n): experiencing increasing temperature
So bringing our defining of terms together, we can understand that "global warming" means that spherical or rounded objects are increasing in temperature!
That was easy, wasn't it. It makes you feel good when you do things in a scientific way, knowing that you are on your way to making iron-clad arguments.
(I don't know why the arguments are iron-clad, but if we define our terms, I am sure we can analyze it in a very scientific manner.)
The next step is to look at the terms as defined and try to figure out exactly why this poses a problem. Some spherical or rounded objects – basketballs, for example – can overinflate if they experience too much warming, so we should take steps to keep them in a cool place, maybe out of the sun.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as cupcakes, will melt the icing you put on them if they are warm, so you should take them out of the oven and let them cool BEFORE you try to frost them.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as marbles, do not seem to be affected by warming at all, so we cannot identify any specific problem that needs to be solved in a scientific way with them.
- - - - - excuse me, someone is telling me something....
Apparently, the spherical or rounded object in "global warming" that everyone is referring to is the Earth! Who could have guessed that? Someone out there is clearly not "defining terms" adequately and would also get an F from Prof. T.
So the whole Earth is warming. OK. This is not an insurmountable problem. We simply need to find an analogy in more local terms (think locally, act globally) to help us understand how we can deal with the larger problem.
We mentioned basketballs earlier. Hopefully you still remember that. What was the solution to the basketballs being overly warm and getting overinflated?
Yes, you are right. We need to keep them in a cool place out of the sun.
What can we do about the Earth getting overheated? Same thing! We need to keep it out of the sun.
What do you do when YOU want to keep out of the sun?
You go indoors.
OK, this is not an acceptable solution. What else do you do?
You carry an umbrella.
Now we are getting somewhere!
We need to make a big umbrella that can be launched into space to shield our planet from the sun's rays. This umbrella cannot shadow the Earth all the time, as we need some sun for growing crops, keeping our weather moving, and getting suntans to look good on the beach. But it could be put into an orbit that would shadow the earth – say – an hour or so a day during daylight hours, reducing the sun's heat hitting the earth by 10%. This would immediately have a cooling effect on our planet, and we could go on using fossil fuels and increasing global warming gases in the atmosphere with impunity. If it got warmer again, we could simply shoot up another bumbershoot.
I hope you have learned something about the scientific approach to problem solving today. There are too many people out there who simply refuse to recognize that science can provide answers to problems and instead rely on outdated techniques such as prayer or rain dances.
- - - - - - - - - -
I thought I was the first to come up with the umbrella solution, but apparently not. There are other deep thinkers out there who have also hit upon this same solution! Another idea they have is to paint large areas of the planet white (think Australia) to reflect the sun's rays and keep the planet cool.
Showing posts with label global issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label global issues. Show all posts
Monday, June 24, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
The Pandas Against the World
The Chinese mean business now. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
A Chinese military official has laid it all out. America is no longer the Paper Tiger of the Mao era; oh no! It is a real Global Tiger and Japan is its Running Dog.... oops... dated expression... um... Wolf. Australia, a kind-hearted Lamb (take THAT you macho Aussies!), is warned not to side with the Tiger and the Wolf against China (a Panda?) in the struggle to identify who actually owns the Senkaku Islands (the Pandas call them the Diaoyu Islands).
The Global Tiger and the Wolf are "madly biting China", according to the Colonel in the Chinese army. Poor China. One hopes they don't catch something from all that biting.
What if the Kind-Hearted Lambs should side with the Wolf and the Tiger? The Panda will assert its claim to parts of Australia no doubt, based on some historical claim of having sent ships there before anyone arrived from Europe.
They will issue another statement, "The Panda claim to the southern continents is proven in history. There is nothing to discuss. The southern continent is an irrevocable part of Pandaland. We claim them along with all of the seas between our mainland and our southern territories of what is called Australia today."
The Global Tiger, on the other hand, might say, "We support the Kind-Hearted Lambs in their desire to remain free and independent of Panda domination, but we also wish they would be less lamby and more tigery about this.... just saying."
The Wolf (Japan, in case you have not been paying attention) would say, "While recognizing the rights of Pandas and Lambs to live in harmony around the world, we Wolves insist on the right of most animals to live in peace whenever possible and if not, to try to work it out among themselves and bring new awakenings that might turn to our general advantage in our common will and striving for world acceptance."
The Global Tiger would respond to this new initiative by the Wolves by saying, "Huh?"
And – naturally – the Pandas would throw a hissy-fit claiming, "Wolf attempts at regional hegemony will be met by the strong and inviolable determination of all Pandas everywhere to prevent a repeat of historical mistakes!" They would encourage Panda riots in the streets in Pandaland and the unavoidable trashing and closure of Wolf stores and embassies.
The Wolves would respond with uncommon sternness, "Events in Pandaland have taken on a character of their own and established a momentum that can only lead to a fundamental revocation and arrangement from the world of nations, fostering a general disadvantage in the climate among these nations and a decrease in the positive atmosphere of general development.... among nations... or between them.... and retroactively."
This would clearly be a provocation to the Pandas who would send "research" vessels into Wolf waters to prove that not only the little islands but also the big islands of Okinawa Prefecture are an inviolable part of Panda territory.
The Wolves would respond by sternly announcing in their Parliament that "vessels from other countries, entering Wolf waters should be aware that we are prepared to take strong measures against them; such as taking video of them for the evening news, exposing their perfidy to the world."
Escalating the tensions, the Pandas would send fishing boats to expose the imperialist and adventurist ambitions of the Wolves who are running dogs of the capitalist Global Tigers, and the Wolves would respond gravely by complaining, "Intrusion by alien vessels into our waters will not be tolerated unless we can determine where they are from and ascertain that they might be on course for other places and unless they have radar that might be locked onto our vessels or weapons systems that look scary."
The Pandas for their part have clearly been feeling local pressures – they ARE an endangered species after all – and what could be better to alleviate their domestic pressures than to lay claim to major chunks of the rest of the world? Lebensraum for Pandas!
Those Pandas, so cute when they get riled up!
A Chinese military official has laid it all out. America is no longer the Paper Tiger of the Mao era; oh no! It is a real Global Tiger and Japan is its Running Dog.... oops... dated expression... um... Wolf. Australia, a kind-hearted Lamb (take THAT you macho Aussies!), is warned not to side with the Tiger and the Wolf against China (a Panda?) in the struggle to identify who actually owns the Senkaku Islands (the Pandas call them the Diaoyu Islands).
The Global Tiger and the Wolf are "madly biting China", according to the Colonel in the Chinese army. Poor China. One hopes they don't catch something from all that biting.
What if the Kind-Hearted Lambs should side with the Wolf and the Tiger? The Panda will assert its claim to parts of Australia no doubt, based on some historical claim of having sent ships there before anyone arrived from Europe.
They will issue another statement, "The Panda claim to the southern continents is proven in history. There is nothing to discuss. The southern continent is an irrevocable part of Pandaland. We claim them along with all of the seas between our mainland and our southern territories of what is called Australia today."
The Global Tiger, on the other hand, might say, "We support the Kind-Hearted Lambs in their desire to remain free and independent of Panda domination, but we also wish they would be less lamby and more tigery about this.... just saying."
The Wolf (Japan, in case you have not been paying attention) would say, "While recognizing the rights of Pandas and Lambs to live in harmony around the world, we Wolves insist on the right of most animals to live in peace whenever possible and if not, to try to work it out among themselves and bring new awakenings that might turn to our general advantage in our common will and striving for world acceptance."
The Global Tiger would respond to this new initiative by the Wolves by saying, "Huh?"
And – naturally – the Pandas would throw a hissy-fit claiming, "Wolf attempts at regional hegemony will be met by the strong and inviolable determination of all Pandas everywhere to prevent a repeat of historical mistakes!" They would encourage Panda riots in the streets in Pandaland and the unavoidable trashing and closure of Wolf stores and embassies.
The Wolves would respond with uncommon sternness, "Events in Pandaland have taken on a character of their own and established a momentum that can only lead to a fundamental revocation and arrangement from the world of nations, fostering a general disadvantage in the climate among these nations and a decrease in the positive atmosphere of general development.... among nations... or between them.... and retroactively."
This would clearly be a provocation to the Pandas who would send "research" vessels into Wolf waters to prove that not only the little islands but also the big islands of Okinawa Prefecture are an inviolable part of Panda territory.
The Wolves would respond by sternly announcing in their Parliament that "vessels from other countries, entering Wolf waters should be aware that we are prepared to take strong measures against them; such as taking video of them for the evening news, exposing their perfidy to the world."
Escalating the tensions, the Pandas would send fishing boats to expose the imperialist and adventurist ambitions of the Wolves who are running dogs of the capitalist Global Tigers, and the Wolves would respond gravely by complaining, "Intrusion by alien vessels into our waters will not be tolerated unless we can determine where they are from and ascertain that they might be on course for other places and unless they have radar that might be locked onto our vessels or weapons systems that look scary."
The Pandas for their part have clearly been feeling local pressures – they ARE an endangered species after all – and what could be better to alleviate their domestic pressures than to lay claim to major chunks of the rest of the world? Lebensraum for Pandas!
Those Pandas, so cute when they get riled up!
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Stink of Spring
I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that the stink bug season will be upon us soon.
The Asian brown marmorated stink bug has invaded the US and is about to descend in Biblical proportions on delicious US crops, devouring all in its path and laying waste to the landscape, turning once fertile fields into windblown, desert desolation.
OK, it's not THAT bad, but the nasty bugs do pose a threat to US crops, and 2013 is looking to be a bad year. Not only do they feast on a wide variety of crops, but they are very difficult to eradicate. Even swatting them with a magazine or a slipper leaves a bad smell behind which is itself very difficult to remove.
Being "Asian" stink bugs, we have them here in Japan, of course, and have suffered from the "over-wintering" problem in our house. They sneak into the crooks and crannies of the walls and hibernate, then when warmer spring weather arrives, they come out in their masses, looking for dates. They crowd around on the windows and walls, checking each other out, often pairing off and ... well... this IS a family blog... you can imagine what they do.
We vacuum them up, but that leaves a very bad smell – true to their name – in the vacuum exhaust.
In the US, they are experimenting with various ways of eliminating this destructive pest. They have tested pheromones to lure the stinky creatures into traps, but these have not proven to deal with the large numbers of bugs around. Chemical solutions have been tried as well, but the sprays they use must go on the fruits and vegetables which humans also eat, so the risk of toxicity to consumers is also a concern. There is a small parasitic wasp that lays its eggs among stink bug eggs. The wasp eggs hatch and eat up the stink bug eggs around them. The trouble with using a non-native species of wasp is that nobody knows what other side effects it might have. Non-native species can be unexpectedly dangerous. The inadvertent introduction of the brown snake in Guam, for example, almost obliterated the native bird population. Similar disastrous effects have been shown in New Zealand as well; mammals brought in from outside killed off a lot of the native birds which had evolved to become flightless for lack of predators, making them easy prey.
What can be done about the stink bugs?
First of all it's important to relate to them in their own language. These ARE Asian stink bugs after all, and most – if not all – of them probably understand Japanese. So we should look to Japan to see what they do to deal with these pests.
In Japan, cracking down on social problems such as criminal gangs and the like is done by flying large banners that say things like, "Stop Idling" or "Stop Old People Traffic Accidents", "Stop Motorcycle Rough Riders", or even "Stop Gangs". This same strategy also applies to stink bugs.
Yes, they fly banners in the fields saying "Stop Stink Bugs". These red banners make the stink bugs feel unwelcome and encourage them to move along and not eat up the tender stalks of rice. Most of them probably go to the US.
The US needs to buy these banners and fly them in its fields and orchards to make the stink bugs move to another place. Some of the stink bugs may have adapted to American life, so it would not be a bad idea to have banners in both Japanese and English, just in case.
If we can continue this program, eventually we can convince the stinky insects that they all must move to Canada or some other inhospitably cold place where they will "overwinter" for their whole lives, never coming out in spring.
The Asian brown marmorated stink bug has invaded the US and is about to descend in Biblical proportions on delicious US crops, devouring all in its path and laying waste to the landscape, turning once fertile fields into windblown, desert desolation.
OK, it's not THAT bad, but the nasty bugs do pose a threat to US crops, and 2013 is looking to be a bad year. Not only do they feast on a wide variety of crops, but they are very difficult to eradicate. Even swatting them with a magazine or a slipper leaves a bad smell behind which is itself very difficult to remove.
Being "Asian" stink bugs, we have them here in Japan, of course, and have suffered from the "over-wintering" problem in our house. They sneak into the crooks and crannies of the walls and hibernate, then when warmer spring weather arrives, they come out in their masses, looking for dates. They crowd around on the windows and walls, checking each other out, often pairing off and ... well... this IS a family blog... you can imagine what they do.
We vacuum them up, but that leaves a very bad smell – true to their name – in the vacuum exhaust.
In the US, they are experimenting with various ways of eliminating this destructive pest. They have tested pheromones to lure the stinky creatures into traps, but these have not proven to deal with the large numbers of bugs around. Chemical solutions have been tried as well, but the sprays they use must go on the fruits and vegetables which humans also eat, so the risk of toxicity to consumers is also a concern. There is a small parasitic wasp that lays its eggs among stink bug eggs. The wasp eggs hatch and eat up the stink bug eggs around them. The trouble with using a non-native species of wasp is that nobody knows what other side effects it might have. Non-native species can be unexpectedly dangerous. The inadvertent introduction of the brown snake in Guam, for example, almost obliterated the native bird population. Similar disastrous effects have been shown in New Zealand as well; mammals brought in from outside killed off a lot of the native birds which had evolved to become flightless for lack of predators, making them easy prey.
What can be done about the stink bugs?
First of all it's important to relate to them in their own language. These ARE Asian stink bugs after all, and most – if not all – of them probably understand Japanese. So we should look to Japan to see what they do to deal with these pests.
In Japan, cracking down on social problems such as criminal gangs and the like is done by flying large banners that say things like, "Stop Idling" or "Stop Old People Traffic Accidents", "Stop Motorcycle Rough Riders", or even "Stop Gangs". This same strategy also applies to stink bugs.
Yes, they fly banners in the fields saying "Stop Stink Bugs". These red banners make the stink bugs feel unwelcome and encourage them to move along and not eat up the tender stalks of rice. Most of them probably go to the US.
The US needs to buy these banners and fly them in its fields and orchards to make the stink bugs move to another place. Some of the stink bugs may have adapted to American life, so it would not be a bad idea to have banners in both Japanese and English, just in case.
If we can continue this program, eventually we can convince the stinky insects that they all must move to Canada or some other inhospitably cold place where they will "overwinter" for their whole lives, never coming out in spring.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Stereotype the World
Today's post is not funny; it's amusing.
Nationalities according to Google
I asked two questions: one beginning with "Why are ~" and the other beginning with "Why do~", hoping I would get a "snapshot" of a nationality from Google's algorithm related to how many people ask a question. Some of the answers have been linked. Additionally, since my computer is in a foreign country, the answers I get are probably different from those resulting from a similar search in – say – the United States. I noticed, for example, that many of the answers came from UK rather than US sites, suggesting that the default search in English from a foreign country might direct you to the UK. Additionally, a repeat of some questions often generates another result, though the one on the list below was among the top few. (Unfortunately you cannot add a table easily to a blogger file, so you will have to live with my lousy columns.)
The questions:
Why are... Why do...
Americans so stupid? (maybe there is a connection to >) Americans love guns?
Argentinians so white? Argentinians say 'che'?
Australians so hot? Australians say 'mate'?
Brazilians so bad at video games? Brazilians have one name?
Canadians afraid of the dark? Canadians say 'eh'?
Chinese people so loud? Chinese people wear masks?
Dutch people so tall? (It's true) Dutch people wear clogs?
English people so pale? English people say 'bloody'?
Finns so shy? Finns hate the Russians?
French people called frogs? French hate America?
Germans so smart? Germans hate America?
Greeks dark skinned? Greeks hate Turkey?
Indians so rude? Indians worship cows?
Iranians so rich? Iranians think they are white?
Italians called guineas? Italians have dark skin?
Japanese people so healthy? Japanese wear masks?
Koreans so rude? Koreans hate Japs? (Japs!?)
Malaysians obsessed with crabs? Malaysians say 'la'?
Mexicans short? Mexicans stare?
Mongolians nomads? Mongolians hate Chinese?
New Zealanders called 'kiwis'? New Zealanders hate Australians?
Nigerians so tall? Nigerian scams work? (The first entry for the people themselves was #3 after "Why do Nigerian men lie", "Why do Nigerians speak English?")
North Koreans starving? North Koreans defect? (#2 was "Why do North Koreans cry?", similar to the Japanese question.)
Norwegians so happy? Norwegians speak English? (#2 was interesting too, "Why do Norwegians look Asian?")
Pakistanis so tall? Pakistanis marry cousins? (!)
Polish people so strong? Poles come to the UK? (But "Why do Polish people drink so much?")
Russians so mean? Russians drive so bad? (This was #2 after "Why do Russians have dash cameras?" as a result of the many videos related to the meteor strike.)
Saudis so rich? Saudis look Indian? (?)
Spaniards so racist? Spaniards lisp?
South Africans white? South Africans say 'bru'?
(also "Why do South Americans look Asian?")
Swedes so tall? Swedes scream? (Who knew?)
Swiss people dark? Why do Swiss stare?
Thai people so dark? Thai people love their king?
Turks so nationalistic? Turks have blue eyes?
Vietnamese called gooks? Vietnamese do nails?
And finally
people gay? people yawn?
In Japanese
In Japanese Google search it was not possible to ask the "Why are ~ , Why do ~ questions so neatly because of the Japanese language, so they are combined below with a generic question like: Why (nationality)? For many of the nationalities in the English list above, there were no clear results to the search.
Why are Americans fat? #2 was "Why do Americans like bacon so much?" (kinda explains the first one, no?)
Why do Brazilians dislike Facebook?
Why do Canadians like hockey so much?
Why do Chinese hate Japanese?
Why don't the English use their umbrellas?
Why are the Finns so strong in WRC competitions (car racing)?
Why do the French hate Americans? (similar to the English search result)
Why do so many Filipinos speak English?
Why do Germans have such a high environmental consciousness?
Why don't Greeks work?
Why do Indians lie?
Why are Japanese so childish?
Why do Koreans like plastic surgery so much? Why are Koreans so ugly?
Why do North Koreans grieve so elaborately?
Why are so many Malaysians Japanophiles?
Why don't Mexicans get bald?
Why are Mongolians so good at Sumo (Japanese wrestling)?
Why are New Zealanders called 'kiwis'? (only one that was the same as in English)
Why do Nigerians cause so many crimes in Japan?
Why do Pakistanis like the Toyota Mark II so much? #2 was "Why are Pakistanis so egotistical?"
Why are Russian women so beautiful?
Why don't Singaporeans say Japanese are bad?
Why are Spanish good at soccer despite being small?
Why are Swedes good at English?
Why do Swiss people ask the question, "Why did Japanese kill so many Chinese?"
Why do Taiwanese like Japan?
Why won't Thai people get into a hot bath (Japanese-style)?
Why are Vietnamese so often named 'Guen' (Japanese pronunciation of Nguyen)?
And finally
Why do people run?
Analysis
Naturally there is an interest in appearance with both the English searchers and their Japanese counterparts, curious about why people look the way they do. Japanese tend to focus more on their own culture as others in the world relate to it, but this is probably simply a function of the broader nationality spread among English-language web surfers. English searchers seem to be more interested in racial qualities (white or dark) than are Japanese surfers.
I have no clue why English readers seem to think so many other nationalities stare: Mexicans and Swiss on the list, but also Germans and others in the #2 or #3 position. Eye contact is an important point of body language, and how long we hold that connection and its meaning is determined by the culture we live in; think of our expression "shifty-eyed", so maybe these nationalities have a different eye contact "time limit" than we do in our culture.
Some of the peripheral information that was generated by these searches WAS actually funny. In the result "Why are Australians so hot?", for example, one answer explained what was needed to "get a hot Australian woman". Included in the requirements was "making a mean BBQ" and "be a social alcoholic" because "it's un-Australian not to have a binge drinking problem".
Nationalities according to Google
I asked two questions: one beginning with "Why are ~" and the other beginning with "Why do~", hoping I would get a "snapshot" of a nationality from Google's algorithm related to how many people ask a question. Some of the answers have been linked. Additionally, since my computer is in a foreign country, the answers I get are probably different from those resulting from a similar search in – say – the United States. I noticed, for example, that many of the answers came from UK rather than US sites, suggesting that the default search in English from a foreign country might direct you to the UK. Additionally, a repeat of some questions often generates another result, though the one on the list below was among the top few. (Unfortunately you cannot add a table easily to a blogger file, so you will have to live with my lousy columns.)
The questions:
Why are... Why do...
Americans so stupid? (maybe there is a connection to >) Americans love guns?
Argentinians so white? Argentinians say 'che'?
Australians so hot? Australians say 'mate'?
Brazilians so bad at video games? Brazilians have one name?
Canadians afraid of the dark? Canadians say 'eh'?
Chinese people so loud? Chinese people wear masks?
Dutch people so tall? (It's true) Dutch people wear clogs?
English people so pale? English people say 'bloody'?
Finns so shy? Finns hate the Russians?
French people called frogs? French hate America?
Germans so smart? Germans hate America?
Greeks dark skinned? Greeks hate Turkey?
Indians so rude? Indians worship cows?
Iranians so rich? Iranians think they are white?
Italians called guineas? Italians have dark skin?
Japanese people so healthy? Japanese wear masks?
Koreans so rude? Koreans hate Japs? (Japs!?)
Malaysians obsessed with crabs? Malaysians say 'la'?
Mexicans short? Mexicans stare?
Mongolians nomads? Mongolians hate Chinese?
New Zealanders called 'kiwis'? New Zealanders hate Australians?
Nigerians so tall? Nigerian scams work? (The first entry for the people themselves was #3 after "Why do Nigerian men lie", "Why do Nigerians speak English?")
North Koreans starving? North Koreans defect? (#2 was "Why do North Koreans cry?", similar to the Japanese question.)
Norwegians so happy? Norwegians speak English? (#2 was interesting too, "Why do Norwegians look Asian?")
Pakistanis so tall? Pakistanis marry cousins? (!)
Polish people so strong? Poles come to the UK? (But "Why do Polish people drink so much?")
Russians so mean? Russians drive so bad? (This was #2 after "Why do Russians have dash cameras?" as a result of the many videos related to the meteor strike.)
Saudis so rich? Saudis look Indian? (?)
Spaniards so racist? Spaniards lisp?
South Africans white? South Africans say 'bru'?
(also "Why do South Americans look Asian?")
Swedes so tall? Swedes scream? (Who knew?)
Swiss people dark? Why do Swiss stare?
Thai people so dark? Thai people love their king?
Turks so nationalistic? Turks have blue eyes?
Vietnamese called gooks? Vietnamese do nails?
And finally
people gay? people yawn?
In Japanese
In Japanese Google search it was not possible to ask the "Why are ~ , Why do ~ questions so neatly because of the Japanese language, so they are combined below with a generic question like: Why (nationality)? For many of the nationalities in the English list above, there were no clear results to the search.
Why are Americans fat? #2 was "Why do Americans like bacon so much?" (kinda explains the first one, no?)
Why do Brazilians dislike Facebook?
Why do Canadians like hockey so much?
Why do Chinese hate Japanese?
Why don't the English use their umbrellas?
Why are the Finns so strong in WRC competitions (car racing)?
Why do the French hate Americans? (similar to the English search result)
Why do so many Filipinos speak English?
Why do Germans have such a high environmental consciousness?
Why don't Greeks work?
Why do Indians lie?
Why are Japanese so childish?
Why do Koreans like plastic surgery so much? Why are Koreans so ugly?
Why do North Koreans grieve so elaborately?
Why are so many Malaysians Japanophiles?
Why don't Mexicans get bald?
Why are Mongolians so good at Sumo (Japanese wrestling)?
Why are New Zealanders called 'kiwis'? (only one that was the same as in English)
Why do Nigerians cause so many crimes in Japan?
Why do Pakistanis like the Toyota Mark II so much? #2 was "Why are Pakistanis so egotistical?"
Why are Russian women so beautiful?
Why don't Singaporeans say Japanese are bad?
Why are Spanish good at soccer despite being small?
Why are Swedes good at English?
Why do Swiss people ask the question, "Why did Japanese kill so many Chinese?"
Why do Taiwanese like Japan?
Why won't Thai people get into a hot bath (Japanese-style)?
Why are Vietnamese so often named 'Guen' (Japanese pronunciation of Nguyen)?
And finally
Why do people run?
Analysis
Naturally there is an interest in appearance with both the English searchers and their Japanese counterparts, curious about why people look the way they do. Japanese tend to focus more on their own culture as others in the world relate to it, but this is probably simply a function of the broader nationality spread among English-language web surfers. English searchers seem to be more interested in racial qualities (white or dark) than are Japanese surfers.
I have no clue why English readers seem to think so many other nationalities stare: Mexicans and Swiss on the list, but also Germans and others in the #2 or #3 position. Eye contact is an important point of body language, and how long we hold that connection and its meaning is determined by the culture we live in; think of our expression "shifty-eyed", so maybe these nationalities have a different eye contact "time limit" than we do in our culture.
Some of the peripheral information that was generated by these searches WAS actually funny. In the result "Why are Australians so hot?", for example, one answer explained what was needed to "get a hot Australian woman". Included in the requirements was "making a mean BBQ" and "be a social alcoholic" because "it's un-Australian not to have a binge drinking problem".
Monday, February 18, 2013
Breaking News!
Pope to Become Ayatollah
(Feb. 18) Rueters — In a stunning development, recently retired Pope Benedict XVI has indicated that he will move to Iran after being offered a job as an Ayatollah in the Muslim clergy there. A spokesman for the former Pope described the move as one he had been considering for several years.Faced with growing demands for the inclusion of more women, and other liberalizing trends in the Roman Church, the Pope was described as feeling "a more common mission with the Mullahs in Iran", according to a spokesman for the former Catholic leader. When asked about the Pontiff's physical and mental health, the spokesman claimed that the planned move to Iran has given him "a new lease on life".
Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from his post as the leader of the Roman Catholic church only a week ago, predicting that his departure would have no ill effect on the Church. He was the first Pope to retire in 600 years.
In recent years, the Vatican has been plagued with problems of priestly pedophilia and increasing pressures from within the female community to bring more women into decision-making roles. His firm stance against birth control has alienated many in the United States where a large majority of Catholic women have used artificial birth control in direct defiance of their religion's teachings. These problems — along with internal political disorder revealed by his butler — has made the Pope look weak and indecisive, unable to cope with a world changing around him.
The same spokesman stated that the retired Pope was looking forward to taking up his new responsibilities in Iran, insisting that the former Pontiff was "eager to implement religious doctrine as it should be implemented, not worrying about what everyone around him was thinking". Being able to issue "fatwas" without needing doctrinal support was also said to be one of the attractions for the former Vicar of Christ's move. His spokesman quoted him as saying that the first fatwa he would issue would be "against the use of birth control in the Muslim faith".
When asked about Benedict XVI's adjustment to the Muslim faith itself, the spokesman claimed that he "effortlessly made the transition from Hitler Youth to the Papacy, so the move to Iran will pose no special problems". He also stated that the Pope had not been looking forward to retiring to the convent as originally planned, saying the Pontiff felt that it might be seen as "less than manly" to live in a convent. The reduced amount of mixing with the public and relaxed travel schedule of an Ayatollah was also said to have been one of the appeals of the transition.
Spokesmen for Ayatollah Khamenei, the current religious leader of Iran, said that they welcomed the Pope into their midst and looked forward to working with him in the years ahead. They were delighted that someone of his stature would convert to the Muslim faith. When asked if there would be any difficulties for the new member of their elite community, a spokesman said that since the Pope was a child of Hitler's Germany and probably not circumcised as a result, that procedure would be the first test of his new devotion.
In response to queries from the media about whether masses of Catholic faithful might follow their former leader into Islam, no spokesperson from the Vatican was available for comment.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Daioyu Dilemma and the Senkaku Solution
Most of you are not aware of it, but I majored in Political Science at university (along with a minor in chess and ... um... herbal therapy). My interest in international politics remains keen, and while I usually try to yuck it up here in these posts, sometimes I like to apply my expertise and long experience to the problems of the day, coming to a thoughtful solution.
One does like to be helpful.
As you must know by now, the Chinese and the Japanese have been exchanging unpleasantries over a group of tiny islands north of Taiwan. The Chinese refer to these islands as the Daioyu, while the Japanese call them the Senkaku Islands.
The Chinese lay claim to them because they appear on maps from ancient times.
The Japanese, for their part, insist on their rights to the islands partly because the Chinese signed them away to the Japanese. Japanese have lived on the islands in modern times; there is no evidence that Chinese ever lived there.
Basically, each country has a claim to them, and now that it seems there might be large natural gas or oil reserves under them, both countries would like to strengthen their rights to mine them.
The nastiness took a turn for the worst this past week with Japan claiming that Chinese warships "painted" Japanese warships with their fire-control radar, clearly an aggressive act. The Chinese deny it, naturally, but the unpleasantness has now taken on a darker hue.
The Daioyu/Senkaku Islands, what are we talking about here? First, they are made up of several little islands and rocky outcrops, none of which amounts to very much. The total land area is 7 km² (2.7 mi²).
"How big is that," you ask?
Thank you for asking, because I went to a lot of trouble to come up with some comparisons that would make sense to a variety of people. Their total land area is roughly double the area of Central Park in New York City, for example.
Never been to New York? They are a little over three times as big as Hyde Park in London or a third the size of Richmond Park in that same city. Their land area is a little larger than Lane Cove Park in the Sydney area, one third the size of tiny Iwo Jima, the island fought over during World War II. They are as big as 1307 American football fields (including the end zones) or 980 average soccer pitches. A chunk of Greenland ice of the same size just broke off and fell into the sea.
Anyway, you get the picture. We are not talking about a huge land mass here.
So what can be done about this problem? How can the "It's mine!" "No, it's mine!!" back and forth between Japan and China be resolved?
No, giving them to North Korea is not an option.
In the interest of world peace and win-win solutions to world problems, I have racked my brains to come up with a reasonable solution. The issue that puts a wrench into any diplomatic resolution seems to be the existence of the islands themselves.
"Duh!" You say? "Of course the islands are the problem! Moron!"
Yes, exactly, and I really don't like your attitude.
If you think about it, two important countries are at the edge of conflict over tiny scraps of land out in the middle of the ocean, islands. According to international law, an island is defined as any land that remains above water at high tide, lands that are partially covered at high tide are called "shoals" or "rocks".
The solution to this island problem is obvious. The islands need to be removed.
"HAHAHA!! Moron! You can't remove the islands!" I hear you laughing all the way over here in Japan, and I am really not liking you or your attitude.
Remember what we are talking about here. Only one island stands very high above sea level, Uotsuri-jima with a tall peak on it that reaches 383 meters (1256 ft.). In terms of earth volume they are not that great. Japan, for example, has moved enough earth to build two artificial islands in Kobe harbor, Port Island, built from 1966 to 1981 with an area of 5.23 km² (2 mi²), and Rokko Island, built between 1973 and 1992 with an area of 5.8 km² (2.24 mi²). The total amount of land area is significantly larger than that of the Senkaku Islands. In the United States, the huge Hull-Rust-Mahoning Open Pit Iron Mine in Minnesota covers an area of 13.6 km² (5.25 mi²) almost double the area of the Senkaku Islands, and with a depth in places of almost 200 meters (600 ft.), the amount of earth removed dwarfs the amount that would need to be scoured from the islands.
Removing the islands would be a big project; the removed earth would have to be dispersed locally. The waters are not very deep at about 100 to 150 meters, but there is plenty of room to spread the rock and other island debris so that it does not come above sea level at low tide.
Once removed, the area would be open sea, away from territorial claims by either Japan or China. As part of the island removal plan, an agreement could be reached to jointly develop the resources that might lie below. The former islands, then well below low tide levels, could be used as close-to-the-surface platform bases for oil rig placements. The resource exploration costs could be split 50/50 and any resources developed could be split similarly.
A contentious issue can be resolved in a win-win way for both sides, contributing to area peace and stability.
A Nobel Peace Prize nomination might be in the offing!
And now for the Palestine-Israeli problem... I guess bulldozing them into the sea might be a bit much technologically. You think?
One does like to be helpful.
As you must know by now, the Chinese and the Japanese have been exchanging unpleasantries over a group of tiny islands north of Taiwan. The Chinese refer to these islands as the Daioyu, while the Japanese call them the Senkaku Islands.
The Chinese lay claim to them because they appear on maps from ancient times.
The Japanese, for their part, insist on their rights to the islands partly because the Chinese signed them away to the Japanese. Japanese have lived on the islands in modern times; there is no evidence that Chinese ever lived there.
Basically, each country has a claim to them, and now that it seems there might be large natural gas or oil reserves under them, both countries would like to strengthen their rights to mine them.
The nastiness took a turn for the worst this past week with Japan claiming that Chinese warships "painted" Japanese warships with their fire-control radar, clearly an aggressive act. The Chinese deny it, naturally, but the unpleasantness has now taken on a darker hue.
The Daioyu/Senkaku Islands, what are we talking about here? First, they are made up of several little islands and rocky outcrops, none of which amounts to very much. The total land area is 7 km² (2.7 mi²).
"How big is that," you ask?
Thank you for asking, because I went to a lot of trouble to come up with some comparisons that would make sense to a variety of people. Their total land area is roughly double the area of Central Park in New York City, for example.
Never been to New York? They are a little over three times as big as Hyde Park in London or a third the size of Richmond Park in that same city. Their land area is a little larger than Lane Cove Park in the Sydney area, one third the size of tiny Iwo Jima, the island fought over during World War II. They are as big as 1307 American football fields (including the end zones) or 980 average soccer pitches. A chunk of Greenland ice of the same size just broke off and fell into the sea.
Anyway, you get the picture. We are not talking about a huge land mass here.
So what can be done about this problem? How can the "It's mine!" "No, it's mine!!" back and forth between Japan and China be resolved?
No, giving them to North Korea is not an option.
In the interest of world peace and win-win solutions to world problems, I have racked my brains to come up with a reasonable solution. The issue that puts a wrench into any diplomatic resolution seems to be the existence of the islands themselves.
"Duh!" You say? "Of course the islands are the problem! Moron!"
Yes, exactly, and I really don't like your attitude.
If you think about it, two important countries are at the edge of conflict over tiny scraps of land out in the middle of the ocean, islands. According to international law, an island is defined as any land that remains above water at high tide, lands that are partially covered at high tide are called "shoals" or "rocks".
The solution to this island problem is obvious. The islands need to be removed.
"HAHAHA!! Moron! You can't remove the islands!" I hear you laughing all the way over here in Japan, and I am really not liking you or your attitude.
Remember what we are talking about here. Only one island stands very high above sea level, Uotsuri-jima with a tall peak on it that reaches 383 meters (1256 ft.). In terms of earth volume they are not that great. Japan, for example, has moved enough earth to build two artificial islands in Kobe harbor, Port Island, built from 1966 to 1981 with an area of 5.23 km² (2 mi²), and Rokko Island, built between 1973 and 1992 with an area of 5.8 km² (2.24 mi²). The total amount of land area is significantly larger than that of the Senkaku Islands. In the United States, the huge Hull-Rust-Mahoning Open Pit Iron Mine in Minnesota covers an area of 13.6 km² (5.25 mi²) almost double the area of the Senkaku Islands, and with a depth in places of almost 200 meters (600 ft.), the amount of earth removed dwarfs the amount that would need to be scoured from the islands.
Removing the islands would be a big project; the removed earth would have to be dispersed locally. The waters are not very deep at about 100 to 150 meters, but there is plenty of room to spread the rock and other island debris so that it does not come above sea level at low tide.
Once removed, the area would be open sea, away from territorial claims by either Japan or China. As part of the island removal plan, an agreement could be reached to jointly develop the resources that might lie below. The former islands, then well below low tide levels, could be used as close-to-the-surface platform bases for oil rig placements. The resource exploration costs could be split 50/50 and any resources developed could be split similarly.
A contentious issue can be resolved in a win-win way for both sides, contributing to area peace and stability.
A Nobel Peace Prize nomination might be in the offing!
And now for the Palestine-Israeli problem... I guess bulldozing them into the sea might be a bit much technologically. You think?
Monday, December 17, 2012
Post-Apocalypse Destinations
My friends are so alert.
They reminded me that with the end of the world coming on my birthday in just a very few days, we all need to be thinking about making our post-apocalypse destination plans, our after-life arrangements.
In the Western tradition, these have been divided into two major ports of call, Heaven and Hell, with some people having a difficult and lengthy layover in Purgatory (think LAX).
What I want to do today is re-evaluate the two major resorts and help you to make your decision about where you would like to go. Remember, there isn't much time left, so you need to go ahead and make your reservations now.
And don't be prejudiced by your up-bringing.
Frankly, most of us have a really distorted view of what Heaven and Hell are like. Traditionally, we have been told that Heaven is definitely the preferred destination while Hell is a place where we will suffer for eternity. We even say that some Earthly destinations – like that hotel I visited in Lahore – are "hell holes".
Many Westerners have a vague notion that people who go to heaven get to dress up with wings and drapey white suits, play harps and generally have a good time, hanging out with the Big Cheese. Cherubims and Seraphims flit about, shooting the residents with their arrows so that they fall in love and get... no... wait... I am terribly sorry... those might be cupids and have nothing to do with Heaven. Oddly, you cannot find many images of Heaven on the Internet, but there are "descriptions" which are obviously bogus.
Hell on the other hand is fairly well-known and described in concrete detail. Images abound. Hell is where all of you bad people go: the murderers, the thieves, the people who don't separate their garbage. You burn there and get pitchforked around by demons.
Which brings me to the question about that traditional view; what exactly are demons? Are they the ones who are WORSE than you, so they get the elevated status of being the pitchforkers rather than pitchforkees? Or do YOU get to be a demon (AC in your room, free pitchforks), because you only told a lie (not a 'red card' violation in the Ten Commandments) whereas THEY did something much worse, like... said, "OMG!" (taking the lord's name in vain)?
Joking aside, I need to assure you that all of that is totally inaccurate, based as it is on what people perceive as the conditions for admission: you need to be "good" to go to Heaven, leaving the "bad" people to go to Hell. The bad PR for Hell is just so much nonsense. Even theologically it doesn't hold water, since it relies on the idea that the CEO of Hell, the Devil, would be willing to do the bidding of the CEO of Heaven, God. After all, wasn't the split in the destination monopoly precisely BECAUSE Satan would not go along with God's agenda?
Right.
We all need to get on the same page here.
First, you need to understand that both of these images are very antique. God and Satan are in competition for your after-life soul, so you need to check out both venues and make them come up with good bargains for you to choose between. To get you started, I did a quick search and this is what I arrived at.
Heaven Resort
When you enter your lavish suite in a hotel at Heaven Resort, you will be overwhelmed by the stunning view from your personal lanai, the white sandy beaches and the whole bay and distant mountains at your feet. But that is only a start. The complimentary champagne and tropical fruit basket (all organic) will provide the perfect romantic atmosphere for you and your 'special other' to kick back and enjoy the rest of eternity. Need a change of linen and towels? No worries in Heaven! Changes occur on a daily basis AND you can be sure that we follow the most stringent environmental regulations for washing them. Gather later during happy hour in the lobby and join with your fellow hotel guests, socializing and watching sports on the big screen monitors, as well as the free hors d'oeuvres (lactose and gluten intolerant friendly) and our fine wine selections from everywhere. The bars and pubs are open 24/7, but of course, non-alcoholic beverages are also available. Single? Heaven Resort specializes in single hospitality. Cherubims and Seraphims abound, so – who knows – they might shoot you with one of their arrows and help you to find that special person to share eternity with. Heaven Resort is also now LGBT friendly.
We look forward to serving you here at the Heaven Resort.
Check with your travel agent for details.
Online bookings
Online bookings can only be made at least 3 days prior to departure. Your order is subject to confirmation by Heaven Travel. In the unlikely event that your order cannot be completed, Heaven Travel will notify you by email or telephone within two working days.
If you wish to book within 3 days, you will need to contact directly by phone on 800.god.love Please note that this may be subject to additional fees due to hotel charges.
Change rules If this booking is changed, you will be charged a change fee. All changes must be made at no later than 24 hours prior to the start date. This change may involve the souls of offspring, spouses, or random people you have met in the street.
Cancellation details
No refund is due for a cancellation within 72 hours of arrival date, but you may be sent to Purgatory to wait for an opening elsewhere
If you have a voucher
Unless otherwise advised in writing, Heaven Travel is the coordinator of the services to be provided by this voucher and acts only as an agent between the passenger and the principal supplier.
All services are subject to conditions of the contract, any restrictions and endorsements written on the voucher, any regulations of the principal supplier of the services and any other conditions advised in writing. All services are specified on the voucher and any extras should be directly paid for to the supplier.
Heaven Travel is not responsible for any claims, losses, damages, costs, expenses arising out of injury, accident or ascending to the wrong place, inconvenience, loss of enjoyment, upset, disappointment or frustration arising from:
a) The act of omission of any party
b) Mechanical breakdown, government actions, weather or any factors beyond the controls of Heaven Travel
c) The passenger’s failure to follow all instructions including, but not limited to, those regarding check-in, check-out, timing mishaps with death, near-death experiences
d) The cancellation or alteration for any reason of the travel service offered
Then we have the brochure from Hell (that sounds bad, doesn't it.... see?... prejudice!)
Hell Resort
Entering your room, you look out the window and see a spectacular view. You also notice the remote control lying on your carefully made bed (complementary chocolates are places under your pillow everyday). You pick up the remote in wonder, and pressing a button, realize you can change your whole view (and world) from a wide assortment of popular venues!
Did you and your partner spend a romantic week on the beach in Maui? Click.
Did you meet that special person in the cathedral at York? Click.
Did you wish you had talked to that person on the train in Rome? Click.
Yes, the whole world is there at your fingertips. And don't worry that your ski wear will be out of place in the restaurants when everyone else decided on a Hawaii vacation. Clicking the remote button means you interact ONLY with those who have the same vacation destination in mind.
Free wine tastings in the lobby are just the beginning. We also provide the very best cuisine in each of our restaurants around the plaza (we accommodate any religious dietary requirements); they operate on a 24/7 basis for all eternity. For the kids there are also pizza shops and activities around the pool everyday (check with the manager for details). We look forward to serving you here at the Hell Resort!
Online bookings
Online bookings can only be made at least 3 days prior to departure. Your order is subject to confirmation by Hell Travel. In the unlikely event that your order cannot be completed, Hell Travel will notify you by email or telephone within two working days.
If you wish to book within 3 days, you will need to contact directly by phone on 800.bad.hell Please note that this may be subject to additional fees due to hotel charges.
Change rules If this booking is changed, you will be charged a change fee. All changes must be made at no later than 24 hours prior to the start date. This change may involve the souls of offspring, spouses, or random people you have met in the street.
Cancellation details
No refund is due for a cancellation within 72 hours of arrival date, but you may be sent to Purgatory to wait for an opening elsewhere
If you have a voucher
Unless otherwise advised in writing, Hell Travel is the coordinator of the services to be provided by this voucher and acts only as an agent between the passenger and the principal supplier.
All services are subject to conditions of the contract, any restrictions and endorsements written on the voucher, any regulations of the principal supplier of the services and any other conditions advised in writing. All services are specified on the voucher and any extras should be directly paid for to the supplier.
Hell Travel is not responsible for any claims, losses, damages, costs, expenses arising out of injury, accident or ascending to the wrong place, inconvenience, loss of enjoyment, upset, disappointment or frustration arising from:
a) The act of omission of any party
b) Mechanical breakdown, government actions, weather or any factors beyond the controls of Hell Travel
c) The passenger’s failure to follow all instructions including, but not limited to, those regarding check-in, check-out, timing mishaps with death, near-death experiences
d) The cancellation or alteration for any reason of the travel service offered
So there you have it. I know you are wondering which resort I am choosing, so let me tell you. I am going to the Lux-Lucifer Hotel on Hot Beach, and (here's an insider tip) I know that there are three suites left on the ocean-view side (these have the best remote controls).
You only have a few days left; better make your reservations for eternity now!
They reminded me that with the end of the world coming on my birthday in just a very few days, we all need to be thinking about making our post-apocalypse destination plans, our after-life arrangements.
In the Western tradition, these have been divided into two major ports of call, Heaven and Hell, with some people having a difficult and lengthy layover in Purgatory (think LAX).
What I want to do today is re-evaluate the two major resorts and help you to make your decision about where you would like to go. Remember, there isn't much time left, so you need to go ahead and make your reservations now.
And don't be prejudiced by your up-bringing.
Frankly, most of us have a really distorted view of what Heaven and Hell are like. Traditionally, we have been told that Heaven is definitely the preferred destination while Hell is a place where we will suffer for eternity. We even say that some Earthly destinations – like that hotel I visited in Lahore – are "hell holes".
Many Westerners have a vague notion that people who go to heaven get to dress up with wings and drapey white suits, play harps and generally have a good time, hanging out with the Big Cheese. Cherubims and Seraphims flit about, shooting the residents with their arrows so that they fall in love and get... no... wait... I am terribly sorry... those might be cupids and have nothing to do with Heaven. Oddly, you cannot find many images of Heaven on the Internet, but there are "descriptions" which are obviously bogus.
Hell on the other hand is fairly well-known and described in concrete detail. Images abound. Hell is where all of you bad people go: the murderers, the thieves, the people who don't separate their garbage. You burn there and get pitchforked around by demons.
Which brings me to the question about that traditional view; what exactly are demons? Are they the ones who are WORSE than you, so they get the elevated status of being the pitchforkers rather than pitchforkees? Or do YOU get to be a demon (AC in your room, free pitchforks), because you only told a lie (not a 'red card' violation in the Ten Commandments) whereas THEY did something much worse, like... said, "OMG!" (taking the lord's name in vain)?
Joking aside, I need to assure you that all of that is totally inaccurate, based as it is on what people perceive as the conditions for admission: you need to be "good" to go to Heaven, leaving the "bad" people to go to Hell. The bad PR for Hell is just so much nonsense. Even theologically it doesn't hold water, since it relies on the idea that the CEO of Hell, the Devil, would be willing to do the bidding of the CEO of Heaven, God. After all, wasn't the split in the destination monopoly precisely BECAUSE Satan would not go along with God's agenda?
Right.
We all need to get on the same page here.
First, you need to understand that both of these images are very antique. God and Satan are in competition for your after-life soul, so you need to check out both venues and make them come up with good bargains for you to choose between. To get you started, I did a quick search and this is what I arrived at.
Heaven Resort
When you enter your lavish suite in a hotel at Heaven Resort, you will be overwhelmed by the stunning view from your personal lanai, the white sandy beaches and the whole bay and distant mountains at your feet. But that is only a start. The complimentary champagne and tropical fruit basket (all organic) will provide the perfect romantic atmosphere for you and your 'special other' to kick back and enjoy the rest of eternity. Need a change of linen and towels? No worries in Heaven! Changes occur on a daily basis AND you can be sure that we follow the most stringent environmental regulations for washing them. Gather later during happy hour in the lobby and join with your fellow hotel guests, socializing and watching sports on the big screen monitors, as well as the free hors d'oeuvres (lactose and gluten intolerant friendly) and our fine wine selections from everywhere. The bars and pubs are open 24/7, but of course, non-alcoholic beverages are also available. Single? Heaven Resort specializes in single hospitality. Cherubims and Seraphims abound, so – who knows – they might shoot you with one of their arrows and help you to find that special person to share eternity with. Heaven Resort is also now LGBT friendly.
We look forward to serving you here at the Heaven Resort.
Check with your travel agent for details.
Online bookings
Online bookings can only be made at least 3 days prior to departure. Your order is subject to confirmation by Heaven Travel. In the unlikely event that your order cannot be completed, Heaven Travel will notify you by email or telephone within two working days.
If you wish to book within 3 days, you will need to contact directly by phone on 800.god.love Please note that this may be subject to additional fees due to hotel charges.
Change rules If this booking is changed, you will be charged a change fee. All changes must be made at no later than 24 hours prior to the start date. This change may involve the souls of offspring, spouses, or random people you have met in the street.
Cancellation details
No refund is due for a cancellation within 72 hours of arrival date, but you may be sent to Purgatory to wait for an opening elsewhere
If you have a voucher
Unless otherwise advised in writing, Heaven Travel is the coordinator of the services to be provided by this voucher and acts only as an agent between the passenger and the principal supplier.
All services are subject to conditions of the contract, any restrictions and endorsements written on the voucher, any regulations of the principal supplier of the services and any other conditions advised in writing. All services are specified on the voucher and any extras should be directly paid for to the supplier.
Heaven Travel is not responsible for any claims, losses, damages, costs, expenses arising out of injury, accident or ascending to the wrong place, inconvenience, loss of enjoyment, upset, disappointment or frustration arising from:
a) The act of omission of any party
b) Mechanical breakdown, government actions, weather or any factors beyond the controls of Heaven Travel
c) The passenger’s failure to follow all instructions including, but not limited to, those regarding check-in, check-out, timing mishaps with death, near-death experiences
d) The cancellation or alteration for any reason of the travel service offered
Then we have the brochure from Hell (that sounds bad, doesn't it.... see?... prejudice!)
Hell Resort
Entering your room, you look out the window and see a spectacular view. You also notice the remote control lying on your carefully made bed (complementary chocolates are places under your pillow everyday). You pick up the remote in wonder, and pressing a button, realize you can change your whole view (and world) from a wide assortment of popular venues!
Did you and your partner spend a romantic week on the beach in Maui? Click.
Did you meet that special person in the cathedral at York? Click.
Did you wish you had talked to that person on the train in Rome? Click.
Yes, the whole world is there at your fingertips. And don't worry that your ski wear will be out of place in the restaurants when everyone else decided on a Hawaii vacation. Clicking the remote button means you interact ONLY with those who have the same vacation destination in mind.
Free wine tastings in the lobby are just the beginning. We also provide the very best cuisine in each of our restaurants around the plaza (we accommodate any religious dietary requirements); they operate on a 24/7 basis for all eternity. For the kids there are also pizza shops and activities around the pool everyday (check with the manager for details). We look forward to serving you here at the Hell Resort!
Online bookings
Online bookings can only be made at least 3 days prior to departure. Your order is subject to confirmation by Hell Travel. In the unlikely event that your order cannot be completed, Hell Travel will notify you by email or telephone within two working days.
If you wish to book within 3 days, you will need to contact directly by phone on 800.bad.hell Please note that this may be subject to additional fees due to hotel charges.
Change rules If this booking is changed, you will be charged a change fee. All changes must be made at no later than 24 hours prior to the start date. This change may involve the souls of offspring, spouses, or random people you have met in the street.
Cancellation details
No refund is due for a cancellation within 72 hours of arrival date, but you may be sent to Purgatory to wait for an opening elsewhere
If you have a voucher
Unless otherwise advised in writing, Hell Travel is the coordinator of the services to be provided by this voucher and acts only as an agent between the passenger and the principal supplier.
All services are subject to conditions of the contract, any restrictions and endorsements written on the voucher, any regulations of the principal supplier of the services and any other conditions advised in writing. All services are specified on the voucher and any extras should be directly paid for to the supplier.
Hell Travel is not responsible for any claims, losses, damages, costs, expenses arising out of injury, accident or ascending to the wrong place, inconvenience, loss of enjoyment, upset, disappointment or frustration arising from:
a) The act of omission of any party
b) Mechanical breakdown, government actions, weather or any factors beyond the controls of Hell Travel
c) The passenger’s failure to follow all instructions including, but not limited to, those regarding check-in, check-out, timing mishaps with death, near-death experiences
d) The cancellation or alteration for any reason of the travel service offered
So there you have it. I know you are wondering which resort I am choosing, so let me tell you. I am going to the Lux-Lucifer Hotel on Hot Beach, and (here's an insider tip) I know that there are three suites left on the ocean-view side (these have the best remote controls).
You only have a few days left; better make your reservations for eternity now!
Monday, July 16, 2012
What? Cat's got your brain?
I have reported here before about the benefits of promoting national cat-ownership* rates, including enhanced performance in soccer competitions. Clearly someone has been paying attention, as the Japanese women's team has – against all predictions – won the World Cup. The fact that leading player Sawa Homare has a Scottish Fold provides striking evidence of the efficacy of the strategy I proposed.
Recently, however, it has been brought to my attention that being around cats may increase the suicide and self-destructive rates among women. While it might be facile to say that a component of self-destructiveness may be fearlessness, and fearlessness is critical to aggressive and successful play on the soccer pitch, serious writers like myself cannot allow ourselves to be sucked into presenting superficial explanations for complicated issues. We have Fox news to do that for us.
The details of this problem are highly technical, so let me describe them in layman's terms. There is a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii which lives part of its life cycle in rats and then also in cats. The parasite has an unusual effect on the rats' brains, causing them to lose their fear of cats and, indeed, to be stimulated rather than repelled by the smell of cat urine. This allows the cats to catch and eat them more easily, thus ensuring the continued life cycle of the parasite.
"What does that have to do with us humans," you ask?
An excellent question, proving that you are paying attention.
Obviously we humans don't eat cats, so the parasite infects us through the handling of things which have been infected with cat poo. This includes kitty litter, for example, but also unwashed vegetables and so on from infected areas.
The parasite affects our brains too, but not in the way it was reported in the link shown above.
Far from it.
Other research shows that France has one of the highest contagion levels of toxoplasmosis in the developed world, with some areas reporting a 47% infection rate. A quick look at international suicide stats, however, indicates that French women do not commit suicide at a significantly higher rate than the women of other countries. Brazil is also alleged to have high infection rates of this parasite (consider the quality of THAT country's soccer players!), but their suicide rates are very low.
How could this be? And how can we square this information with the study above that showed women are likely to be self-destructive when infected?
First of all, since France has high infection rates, we need to have a look at French men and see if there is any indication of erratic or self-destructive behavior evident. I could rest my case by simply saying "Dominique Strauss-Kahn", but if we look at the suicide data above, we can see that French men DO have an exceptionally high suicide rate as well. In addition, French perfumes that women wear, such as Chanel number 5, have a chemical ingredient in them that is also present in cat urine. This means that French men – like parasite-infected rats – could be driven to self-destructive behavior by the women around them!
That is not all.
The French are noted for their production and consumption of wine, running second in this category behind Italy with an annual per-capita consumption of 47 liters (Americans by contrast consume only 7 liters per person; clearly some people are not doing their fair share!). As with the perfumes, there is a chemical found in Sauvignon Blanc and Cabernet Sauvignon, p-mentha-8-thiol-3-one, that is also a component of – you guessed it – cat pee.
This explains the French connection! French men AND women are infected by the kitty parasite, but the combination of French perfumes on the women (could this be why French men seem to be so romantic?), and the wines French men drink triggers the self-destructive behavior, resulting in a very high suicide rate and Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
Coincidentally, my favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc and I definitely have done my share of litter box cleaning.... hmmm....
- - - - - - - - - -
*I am completely aware of the debate about who owns whom when it comes to cats, but for the sake of convenience, I am using it this way.
Once again, let me say that clicking the links in this post will enhance the experience, and this edition is the 2nd anniversary edition of Pterosaurish. Thank you for all 6,890 views. I hope it helps to get you through the day.
Recently, however, it has been brought to my attention that being around cats may increase the suicide and self-destructive rates among women. While it might be facile to say that a component of self-destructiveness may be fearlessness, and fearlessness is critical to aggressive and successful play on the soccer pitch, serious writers like myself cannot allow ourselves to be sucked into presenting superficial explanations for complicated issues. We have Fox news to do that for us.
The details of this problem are highly technical, so let me describe them in layman's terms. There is a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii which lives part of its life cycle in rats and then also in cats. The parasite has an unusual effect on the rats' brains, causing them to lose their fear of cats and, indeed, to be stimulated rather than repelled by the smell of cat urine. This allows the cats to catch and eat them more easily, thus ensuring the continued life cycle of the parasite.
"What does that have to do with us humans," you ask?
An excellent question, proving that you are paying attention.
Obviously we humans don't eat cats, so the parasite infects us through the handling of things which have been infected with cat poo. This includes kitty litter, for example, but also unwashed vegetables and so on from infected areas.
The parasite affects our brains too, but not in the way it was reported in the link shown above.
Far from it.
Other research shows that France has one of the highest contagion levels of toxoplasmosis in the developed world, with some areas reporting a 47% infection rate. A quick look at international suicide stats, however, indicates that French women do not commit suicide at a significantly higher rate than the women of other countries. Brazil is also alleged to have high infection rates of this parasite (consider the quality of THAT country's soccer players!), but their suicide rates are very low.
How could this be? And how can we square this information with the study above that showed women are likely to be self-destructive when infected?
First of all, since France has high infection rates, we need to have a look at French men and see if there is any indication of erratic or self-destructive behavior evident. I could rest my case by simply saying "Dominique Strauss-Kahn", but if we look at the suicide data above, we can see that French men DO have an exceptionally high suicide rate as well. In addition, French perfumes that women wear, such as Chanel number 5, have a chemical ingredient in them that is also present in cat urine. This means that French men – like parasite-infected rats – could be driven to self-destructive behavior by the women around them!
That is not all.
The French are noted for their production and consumption of wine, running second in this category behind Italy with an annual per-capita consumption of 47 liters (Americans by contrast consume only 7 liters per person; clearly some people are not doing their fair share!). As with the perfumes, there is a chemical found in Sauvignon Blanc and Cabernet Sauvignon, p-mentha-8-thiol-3-one, that is also a component of – you guessed it – cat pee.
This explains the French connection! French men AND women are infected by the kitty parasite, but the combination of French perfumes on the women (could this be why French men seem to be so romantic?), and the wines French men drink triggers the self-destructive behavior, resulting in a very high suicide rate and Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
Coincidentally, my favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc and I definitely have done my share of litter box cleaning.... hmmm....
- - - - - - - - - -
*I am completely aware of the debate about who owns whom when it comes to cats, but for the sake of convenience, I am using it this way.
Once again, let me say that clicking the links in this post will enhance the experience, and this edition is the 2nd anniversary edition of Pterosaurish. Thank you for all 6,890 views. I hope it helps to get you through the day.
Monday, June 25, 2012
The End is Nigh
As everyone knows, according to the Mayan calendar and many other beliefs, the world will come to an end on December 21st of this year. Wouldn't you just know that the world would choose THAT day to end. It's my birthday! What this means is that I won't be getting any gifts, cake, or ANYthing at all. What a drag. But all self-centered whining aside, the end of the world is not likely to be a good present for anyone, even if your birthday happens to be at some other time of the year.
One thing that the Mayan calendar does not specifically tell us is just HOW the world will come to an end. Some say the magnetic poles will reverse; others insist that zombies will come and take over the planet. No one presents any convincing evidence that either of these admittedly likely phenomena will end the world as we know it.
New data has been released, however, that – thanks to a reader – has been brought to my attention and which suggests very clearly how the world will end.
In my last posting here, I talked about the weight problem that the United States is suffering from. We tend to think of this as just so much blubber, waddling through the shopping centers, but in fact it is much more dangerous than that.
According to the data recently released, while the United States accounts for only 6 percent of the world's population, it accounts for over 30% of the weight problem.
So what is wrong with that, you ask?
The world is a ball, so let us begin by examining basic ball dynamics. As any follower of baseball will tell you, the spitball was banned because of the effect it had on the flight of the ball. Adding some saliva or lubricant to one spot on the ball's surface causes it to rotate eccentrically, thus making it hard to hit.
If you look at a map, you will see that the United States occupies a relatively small part of the northern hemisphere. Increasing the weight in such a small area has the potential for throwing the whole planet off its normal rotation. We can call this the "Spitball Effect". The more weight Americans gain, the more likely it is that the Earth's smooth rotation will go wobbly on us. A small deviation from the norm might escalate on its own, causing the whole planet to spin out of control.
This is happening in the here and now, even as I write. As you can see from Chart 101 on this page, the number of earthquakes has been increasing year-by-year due to escalating wobble in our planet's rotation. By December, our planet may no longer be able to sustain its rotation, and all of us will be flung off into space.
The world will end not with a bang or a whimper but with a massive TILT.
Game over.
So, to all of my friends out there, if you wouldn't mind, could you give me the birthday presents and parties – say – on December 10th or so? Just to be safe? Thank you.
One thing that the Mayan calendar does not specifically tell us is just HOW the world will come to an end. Some say the magnetic poles will reverse; others insist that zombies will come and take over the planet. No one presents any convincing evidence that either of these admittedly likely phenomena will end the world as we know it.
New data has been released, however, that – thanks to a reader – has been brought to my attention and which suggests very clearly how the world will end.
In my last posting here, I talked about the weight problem that the United States is suffering from. We tend to think of this as just so much blubber, waddling through the shopping centers, but in fact it is much more dangerous than that.
According to the data recently released, while the United States accounts for only 6 percent of the world's population, it accounts for over 30% of the weight problem.
So what is wrong with that, you ask?
The world is a ball, so let us begin by examining basic ball dynamics. As any follower of baseball will tell you, the spitball was banned because of the effect it had on the flight of the ball. Adding some saliva or lubricant to one spot on the ball's surface causes it to rotate eccentrically, thus making it hard to hit.
If you look at a map, you will see that the United States occupies a relatively small part of the northern hemisphere. Increasing the weight in such a small area has the potential for throwing the whole planet off its normal rotation. We can call this the "Spitball Effect". The more weight Americans gain, the more likely it is that the Earth's smooth rotation will go wobbly on us. A small deviation from the norm might escalate on its own, causing the whole planet to spin out of control.
This is happening in the here and now, even as I write. As you can see from Chart 101 on this page, the number of earthquakes has been increasing year-by-year due to escalating wobble in our planet's rotation. By December, our planet may no longer be able to sustain its rotation, and all of us will be flung off into space.
The world will end not with a bang or a whimper but with a massive TILT.
Game over.
So, to all of my friends out there, if you wouldn't mind, could you give me the birthday presents and parties – say – on December 10th or so? Just to be safe? Thank you.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Are Men Large Trash?!
In Japan, many Japanese wives refer to their husbands as SODAI GOMI, or large trash items. Also in an earlier post, I commented on all the articles that have been appearing lately about whether men are really needed or not. In in defense of men, I think I wrote a pretty convincing letter to women everywhere, persuading them that not only are men necessary, but that – like cats – we can even be an asset under the proper circumstances!
Since then, however, I have reluctantly arrived at a different conclusion; we may be what women make of us.
There is growing evidence that the female of the species shapes the males around her. Female frogs, for example, seem to regulate the sound and look of the male frogs that chase after them. In a nutshell, the research appears to show that male calls, "made up of a longer 'whine' followed by one or more short 'chucks'", are controlled by the females. How? The females prefer more chucks than whine (where have we heard THAT before?!), and predatory bats also home in on the whiny crowd, so gradually the "more attractive" chucky group prevails. The males provide more chuck and less whine!
Which brings us to the pressing question, "Why do we call men, named Charles, Chuck?"
No. That was not the question.
In fact, it is not time for the question yet. We need more evidence.
So, consider this.
In a study on moose mating behavior in Alaska, researchers found that the females (called "cows") actually encourage males to fight over them. They obviously want only the best males (called "bulls") to "hang out" with, so they keep less capable males away by "moaning".*
The female moose also employs these moans when "approached" by even a strong bull to encourage others to challenge him for "make out" rights!
"You look good to me, hon, but let's see if you can handle just one more fight, OK?"
Males who fail to win a mate early in the competition often die of starvation in the winter, because they have spent the eating season beating up on each other on account of the female moaning.
"Well!" You say, "Frogs and moose! What does that have to do with me and hubby-poo whom I love dearly!
Well, how about this? In many households, women are the predominant cooks. And from time immemorial it has been thought that what they cook can also control their man's behavior. In Cornish tradition, for example, a man who eats roasted owl will be a slave to his wife's every desire.
Scenario
Man: (looking suspiciously at the roast) Looks good, Dear!! Yum yum! Cornish game hen? (he asks hopefully)
Woman: Yes, Sweetie! Eat it all up!
We males are clearly alert to what females are up to and unquestionably shape our lives around them in many ways. Apparently we can actually even hear their menstrual cycles! So it doesn't come as any surprise then to read that men lose their thinking ability more quickly than women do. Why would they want us thinking too much?
It's all part of a plot! First declare men to be unnecessary. Next, make us lose our thinking ability. And finally let us die off early. All so you women can enjoy your lives without us around to bother you and make demands.
Apparently writing letters is not convincing enough to delay these tactics. Maybe if we learned to chuck more and whine less our situation would improve?
- - - - - - - - - -
*In my personal experience, I have heard human females do this too. They rolled their eyes and moaned, "Omg... not HIM again!" It definitely kept me away.
Since then, however, I have reluctantly arrived at a different conclusion; we may be what women make of us.
There is growing evidence that the female of the species shapes the males around her. Female frogs, for example, seem to regulate the sound and look of the male frogs that chase after them. In a nutshell, the research appears to show that male calls, "made up of a longer 'whine' followed by one or more short 'chucks'", are controlled by the females. How? The females prefer more chucks than whine (where have we heard THAT before?!), and predatory bats also home in on the whiny crowd, so gradually the "more attractive" chucky group prevails. The males provide more chuck and less whine!
Which brings us to the pressing question, "Why do we call men, named Charles, Chuck?"
No. That was not the question.
In fact, it is not time for the question yet. We need more evidence.
So, consider this.
In a study on moose mating behavior in Alaska, researchers found that the females (called "cows") actually encourage males to fight over them. They obviously want only the best males (called "bulls") to "hang out" with, so they keep less capable males away by "moaning".*
The female moose also employs these moans when "approached" by even a strong bull to encourage others to challenge him for "make out" rights!
"You look good to me, hon, but let's see if you can handle just one more fight, OK?"
Males who fail to win a mate early in the competition often die of starvation in the winter, because they have spent the eating season beating up on each other on account of the female moaning.
"Well!" You say, "Frogs and moose! What does that have to do with me and hubby-poo whom I love dearly!
Well, how about this? In many households, women are the predominant cooks. And from time immemorial it has been thought that what they cook can also control their man's behavior. In Cornish tradition, for example, a man who eats roasted owl will be a slave to his wife's every desire.
Scenario
Man: (looking suspiciously at the roast) Looks good, Dear!! Yum yum! Cornish game hen? (he asks hopefully)
Woman: Yes, Sweetie! Eat it all up!
We males are clearly alert to what females are up to and unquestionably shape our lives around them in many ways. Apparently we can actually even hear their menstrual cycles! So it doesn't come as any surprise then to read that men lose their thinking ability more quickly than women do. Why would they want us thinking too much?
It's all part of a plot! First declare men to be unnecessary. Next, make us lose our thinking ability. And finally let us die off early. All so you women can enjoy your lives without us around to bother you and make demands.
Apparently writing letters is not convincing enough to delay these tactics. Maybe if we learned to chuck more and whine less our situation would improve?
- - - - - - - - - -
*In my personal experience, I have heard human females do this too. They rolled their eyes and moaned, "Omg... not HIM again!" It definitely kept me away.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Fossil Flatulence
I know I have been intolerant and ranted here about creationism and the people who believe in that theory, but recently I have come around to thinking that they may have a point. I admit that I might have been hasty in my criticism and also too quick to make fun of them and their ideas. I should be more thoughtful and weigh the evidence carefully before rushing to judgement.
One of the ideas that creationists bandy about in tandem with the "young Earth theory" is that global warming is not due to human activity. Since they believe that dinosaurs and humans occupied our planet at the same time, clearly they might be right.
One of the most potent greenhouse gases is methane, a gas found in flatulence. Humans (with the exception of a few people I know) do not generally produce all that much of this gas. The occasional hiss and squeak in faculty meetings, for example, could not possibly create more than a few cubic centimeters of global warming gases even if the meeting goes on for hours and Prof. K. is in attendance. A jumbo-jet full of gassy seat cushions would not equal the output of even one cow.
It is a well-known fact that flatulence and burps from cows contribute to global warming, but in a world that is only about 6000 years old, this can only be a minor factor. On the other hand, dinosaurs must have been around with humans AND cows for a long time in the early years of our planet, even surviving the flood of Noah's ark fame. A large cow, weighing in at about one ton, is estimated to produce about 1000 liters of heat-trapping methane and other gases per day!
Dinosaurs, on the other hand, could be as large as 50 or even 100 tons!
Tyrannosaurus Rex, for example, weighed in at about 7 tons. It's diet consisted largely of meat which it consumed in large gulps without proper chewing. Not chewing your food thoroughly can result in flatulence and other bowel problems such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome. For T-Rex this ill-mannered way of eating necessarily put a lot of the food-processing responsibility on its digestive tract, resulting in copious amounts of greenhouse gases being vented into the atmosphere. The IBS must also have put it in a cranky mood. The appearance of a cranky and gassy T-Rex must have been a real scare for the people of the time!
Consider also a large plant eating dinosaur such as a sauropod which could weigh as much as 100 large cows and probably produce 100 times as much gas! Imagine, one animal spewing out 100,000 liters of gas a day! It would be eligible for membership in OPEC. The sauropods are thought to have traveled in vast herds, much like cattle today, eating enormous amounts of vegetation (probably becoming real pests for people and their farms) and farting up a storm. Clearly their flatulence would have been a much more potent influence on global warming, not to mention the dangers of having them around open campfires where humans were trying to cook their food. A passing herd and its accompanying cloud of gas could result in a phenomenon not unlike a fuel-air explosive. I am surprised we have not found large scorched areas in the sedimentary record, but maybe they remain to be discovered by scientific investigators from the creation science organizations.
As ancient records show, the dinosaurs disappeared from the planet before recorded history. There are pictures of crocodiles in Egyptian art, for example; they were even considered gods, but none of T-Rex. So we know that the dinosaurs were gone before humans learned to write and draw. There are no cave drawings of the dinosaurs either. We can be relieved, therefore, to know that the global warming that was accelerated by their various gases will also drop off in the years ahead. Unless, of course, too many humans like Prof. K. come to inhabit our small, blue world.
One of the ideas that creationists bandy about in tandem with the "young Earth theory" is that global warming is not due to human activity. Since they believe that dinosaurs and humans occupied our planet at the same time, clearly they might be right.
One of the most potent greenhouse gases is methane, a gas found in flatulence. Humans (with the exception of a few people I know) do not generally produce all that much of this gas. The occasional hiss and squeak in faculty meetings, for example, could not possibly create more than a few cubic centimeters of global warming gases even if the meeting goes on for hours and Prof. K. is in attendance. A jumbo-jet full of gassy seat cushions would not equal the output of even one cow.
It is a well-known fact that flatulence and burps from cows contribute to global warming, but in a world that is only about 6000 years old, this can only be a minor factor. On the other hand, dinosaurs must have been around with humans AND cows for a long time in the early years of our planet, even surviving the flood of Noah's ark fame. A large cow, weighing in at about one ton, is estimated to produce about 1000 liters of heat-trapping methane and other gases per day!
Dinosaurs, on the other hand, could be as large as 50 or even 100 tons!
Tyrannosaurus Rex, for example, weighed in at about 7 tons. It's diet consisted largely of meat which it consumed in large gulps without proper chewing. Not chewing your food thoroughly can result in flatulence and other bowel problems such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome. For T-Rex this ill-mannered way of eating necessarily put a lot of the food-processing responsibility on its digestive tract, resulting in copious amounts of greenhouse gases being vented into the atmosphere. The IBS must also have put it in a cranky mood. The appearance of a cranky and gassy T-Rex must have been a real scare for the people of the time!
Consider also a large plant eating dinosaur such as a sauropod which could weigh as much as 100 large cows and probably produce 100 times as much gas! Imagine, one animal spewing out 100,000 liters of gas a day! It would be eligible for membership in OPEC. The sauropods are thought to have traveled in vast herds, much like cattle today, eating enormous amounts of vegetation (probably becoming real pests for people and their farms) and farting up a storm. Clearly their flatulence would have been a much more potent influence on global warming, not to mention the dangers of having them around open campfires where humans were trying to cook their food. A passing herd and its accompanying cloud of gas could result in a phenomenon not unlike a fuel-air explosive. I am surprised we have not found large scorched areas in the sedimentary record, but maybe they remain to be discovered by scientific investigators from the creation science organizations.
As ancient records show, the dinosaurs disappeared from the planet before recorded history. There are pictures of crocodiles in Egyptian art, for example; they were even considered gods, but none of T-Rex. So we know that the dinosaurs were gone before humans learned to write and draw. There are no cave drawings of the dinosaurs either. We can be relieved, therefore, to know that the global warming that was accelerated by their various gases will also drop off in the years ahead. Unless, of course, too many humans like Prof. K. come to inhabit our small, blue world.
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