Thank you for waiting.
In an earlier post, I provided pertinent and polished information to help you – the wino – take advantage of the depth of your experience and become a "classy" wino, someone who can imbibe and discuss white wines with the best of them.
Conversing about white wines – the invariable choice for serious wine drinkers – is easy, however, in comparison to talking about reds. White wines are usually served chilled, rendering their taste-highlights and other features less pronounced. This means that when you describe their merits, you can get away with saying inane things like, "Oh Percy! This Chardonnay is awesome with its mineral hint of sea-salt and a lick of cold granite!*"
When drinking red wines, however, the casual sentiments favored by white wine bon viveurs fade and are replaced by dour and slitty-eyed evaluations, involving words like "fat" and "body" said with a pompous air.
Scenario (red wine sophisticates talking)
Host: I say... Percy, old boy, I want your opinion about this claret I bought at a small chateau in France last year when I was there on vacation. The vintage is 1977, a wonderful year!
Percy (swirling the glass delicately, holding it up to the light and putting his nose to it): Rather, Charles... a very full bouquet and very nice legs indeed. 1977, you say? Charming color...
Host: And how about the oak, Percy? You WILL notice the oak, won't you?
Percy (sipping with a slight chewing activity to enhance the flavors): Oh my... quite... almost a rich coffee finish, I would say.
Host (beaming): Yes... rather my thought too... precisely.
What could a wino such as yourself contribute to a conversation of this sort even if you did speak with a pompous accent? It seems impossible to ever be THAT cool, doesn't it?
But it isn't!
Yes, with only a few simple hints, you too can be the center of attention as you show off your wine expertise, a stature you have earned from your years of drinking. All you require are some basic tools to give you the appropriate finesse.
First of all, now that you have mastered white wines, we need to point out some of the differences between reds and whites.
Even while benefiting from some aging, once opened, whites can usually be drunk right away. If you think about the ones you buy, you don't stand on ceremony before serving them to your guests, do you? You press the little spigot and pour. It's simple.
Reds are different.
High-class reds have a substance in them called "tannin" which – frankly – has a bad taste. This is included during the production process so that people will buy the wine but not drink it right away, thus increasing sales. The tannin disappears with aging, so red wine buyers tend to buy wines and "lay them down" for many years, sometimes decades before drinking them. These people are called "sommeliers" from the French "somme", meaning "let sleep" and "~liers" from the root meaning "people who lay".
While I have never understood this attitude – after all, I want something to drink RIGHT NOW – it is very common among red wine sophisticates who tend to be good at postponing pleasures even unto the next generation.
If you are serving red wine to these people, you need to be sure that your wine does not have a strong, residual, tannic flavor before serving. Open your reds before the guests arrive. Immediately after removing the cork, take a sip directly from the bottle. If your mouth feels puckery, it is probably due to the fact that you drank the wine that was right next to the cork. Have another swallow. If the puckery taste continues, your wine is tannic and needs to be aired out... no... ventilated... wait... what WAS that word... breathe! Yes. The wine needs to breathe. This allows much of the tannin to dissipate into the atmosphere where it will contribute to global warming, making the next year's vintage that much better.
Suggested Technique
You can allow your wine to breathe faster by "decanting" it. This means you need to pour it from the bottle into a "decanter", another flask or narrow pitcher of a similar volume. You can do this in the kitchen and bring out the red wine in the decanter with the empty bottle alongside, showing how sophisticated you are. In fact, I would recommend decanting even if the wine is not tannic as it does make you appear very cultivated and sauve. It's bad form not to decant the whole bottle though, so if your flask doesn't quite hold all the wine, chug down the rest in the kitchen yourself before you bring it out.
Another thing that red wine drinkers like to hear about is the vintage of the wine. Surprisingly wines produced in many countries do not taste the same year-on-year. Some years are better and others not so good. When you are drinking wines from these countries, notably "old world countries", you have to pay attention to the labels.
Suggested Technique
Always buy a red wine that has some date on the label. By "date" I don't mean "September", but rather a year that is already at least 10 years old. No, you cannot pencil this in yourself. You bring the wine in from the kitchen in its decanter and proudly exclaim, "This wine is a 2003! A very good year!" Everyone will be amazed at your expertise and sophistication. Once in a very long while, however, you will get some jerk who really knows wine and who takes issue with you.
Scenario
You: This wine is a 2003! A very good year!
Jerk: Oh... really? I think the 2002s and even the 2001s are MUCH better than the 2003s.
(Since you have no clue about vintages and 99% of your guests don't either, you need to have a quick comeback line to cover for this sort of intrusion.)
You (condescendingly): Oh, Percy, you are so right! But in those years the tannin was high, so they would need at least another 5 years of aging before they would be ready to drink. This is ready now!
And you quickly move away to pour the wine, avoiding further questions that you cannot answer.
Finally, to round out your lesson in red wines, you need to have some handy vocabulary to talk about what you are drinking. If you look at the vocabulary you are "supposed to know", you can see that remembering the right words is next to impossible.
It need not be that complicated.
Since the wines you serve are "good" and the wines your host serves are "excellent" too, you only need to have positive-sounding vocabulary to talk about red wines. It is utterly unimportant that the words you use to describe the wine be "correct" or appropriate to the wine; you simply need to have some sophisticated verbiage to bandy about to make it SEEM that you know your stuff.
This describing process can be divided into three steps:
1. smelling the wine
Suggested Vocabulary: This wine has a well-balanced oak.
2. drinking the wine
Suggested Vocabulary: This wine is absolutely mouth-filling.
3. after swallowing the wine
Suggested Vocabulary: This wine has an extraordinarily long finish.
Scenario
Host: I say... old boy, I want your opinion about this claret I bought at a small chateau in France last year when I was there on vacation. The vintage is
1977, a wonderful year!
You: Oh yes... that WAS a great vintage.
Host (pouring into your glass and then looking at you with expectation): I do so want to hear your impressions.
You (smelling the wine): Oh Percy! This wine has an incredibly well-balanced oak!
Host (beaming): Yes, indeed... I thought so too. I actually let it sit uncorked for an hour before decanting, but as you can see, the nose has only been enhanced... and if I might say so, I believe the legs become more pronounced.
You: Quite.... (taking a small sip and holding it in your mouth) Oh my... this (name of wine) is absolutely mouth-filling!
Host: Rather! The balance expressed in the nose comes to full fruition in the drinking. It is remarkable.
You (swallowing and closing your eyes to savor the experience): And what an extraordinarily long finish. It seems to carry on forever.
Host: I absolutely agree. I say! Some people buy wine like pork and beans at the super market and swill it like peasants, but I knew you would appreciate this (name of wine) as I do. Here... let me recharge your glass.
You: Cheers!
I hope this short report will enhance your enjoyment of red wines and help to bring your wine appreciation skills to the high level of adulation you clearly deserve.
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* Expressions actually used to describe Chardonnay in wine reviews (see earlier article)
Showing posts with label wine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wine. Show all posts
Monday, January 7, 2013
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Wino's Guide to Wine Sophistication (whites)
In an earlier post, I provided some helpful guidance for how to appreciate German wines, so today as a follow-up I would like to help raise the level of sophistication in enjoying white wines.
Most of the people I know just swill wine without making any more comment than "this is not bad" while they open the brown paper bag to see what the label looks like. But sometimes even we winos have to drink wine in posh circles – with friends who know the names of wines before they buy them and who pay attention to the niceties of the wine experience.
Most winos think that the problem is the vocabulary. They believe that nothing labels you an indiscriminate lush more than using the wrong words to talk about the wine your host has served you.
Scenario* (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: Oh... thank you so much.
Host: (looking expectantly) Well? Aren't you going to take a sip? I am sure you will be amazed!
You: Oh... certainly (taking a sip). Yes... it certainly IS amazing!
Host: Isn't it? What do you think?
You: Yeah... like you said... er... amazing! I really like white wine! It's my favor...
Host: No, I mean about the flavor! What do you sense in the flavor?
You: Oh! The flavor! Yes... truly amazing.
Host: (actually looking down his nose at you even though you are much taller than he is) I see... (moving to another guest) Delores! Here, try this new wine discovery I have made!
Delores: (tasting the wine) Oh, Percy! This is just fabulous! It has such balance and is so clean and direct. Oh my... such a sense of coiled energy with a succulent hint of floral and mineral flavors. Do I detect a note of smoky oak?
Host: (beaming) Yes! And the finish – like crème brûlée! It's a marvelous chardonnay!
Not only are you embarrassed by your complete lack of social skills, but you are also hurt by the fact that the host won't pour you any more wine. Delores gets the refills, and you are left high and dry.
You need to learn to act and talk like the wine expert you are! This will ensure that you not only fit in with the upper crust but that you will also get your fair share of the wine being passed around. In fact, the better you are at showing your expertise, the more wine you will get to drink, so there is a major incentive in picking up this important information.
Fortunately, it's not difficult.
As far as vocabulary is concerned, most wine reviewers write such blatantly ridiculous stuff that you can pretty much string together any words you want and come out sounding like an expert. You do have to pay attention to some basic points. First and foremost among them is whether the wine you are drinking is a white wine or a red. Describing a red as tasting like "honey and brioche" will get you in trouble every time, as will calling a white "dark and earthy"†, so pay attention as the wine is being poured as to it's color.
Most importantly, however, you have to watch your demeanor. You can't just toss it back and wipe your mouth with your sleeve. It's important to pretend that you are savoring the experience and the wine.
Scenario (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, I am dying for you to try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: What an amazing color! (swirling the wine gently in the glass) Thank you. (putting your nose into the glass to pretend to enjoy its fragrance) Do I detect hints of Key lime pie and grapefruit?
Host: (beaming) Yes... the fruit is awesome.
You: (taking a large sip but holding it with sophistication in your mouth) Oh yes, the sweet buttered popcorn flavors are distinctive but not overwhelming.
Host: Yes... it is so complex!
Delores: That sounds so good....
You: (swallowing) And the finish is redolent of vanilla oak with a mineral hint of salt of the sea and a lick of cold granite. It's truly an excellent choice, Percy!
Host: Here let me refill your glass. And I have more bottles over there on ice, just help yourself!
Delores: How about me? I want to tell you about the wine too!
With practice, you can make your conversations go more like this, and you will be well on your way to appearing more cultured and getting even more wine in the process.
- - - - - - - - - -
* All expressions in this article were found among descriptions of chardonnay wines
† except this one
Most of the people I know just swill wine without making any more comment than "this is not bad" while they open the brown paper bag to see what the label looks like. But sometimes even we winos have to drink wine in posh circles – with friends who know the names of wines before they buy them and who pay attention to the niceties of the wine experience.
Most winos think that the problem is the vocabulary. They believe that nothing labels you an indiscriminate lush more than using the wrong words to talk about the wine your host has served you.
Scenario* (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: Oh... thank you so much.
Host: (looking expectantly) Well? Aren't you going to take a sip? I am sure you will be amazed!
You: Oh... certainly (taking a sip). Yes... it certainly IS amazing!
Host: Isn't it? What do you think?
You: Yeah... like you said... er... amazing! I really like white wine! It's my favor...
Host: No, I mean about the flavor! What do you sense in the flavor?
You: Oh! The flavor! Yes... truly amazing.
Host: (actually looking down his nose at you even though you are much taller than he is) I see... (moving to another guest) Delores! Here, try this new wine discovery I have made!
Delores: (tasting the wine) Oh, Percy! This is just fabulous! It has such balance and is so clean and direct. Oh my... such a sense of coiled energy with a succulent hint of floral and mineral flavors. Do I detect a note of smoky oak?
Host: (beaming) Yes! And the finish – like crème brûlée! It's a marvelous chardonnay!
Not only are you embarrassed by your complete lack of social skills, but you are also hurt by the fact that the host won't pour you any more wine. Delores gets the refills, and you are left high and dry.
You need to learn to act and talk like the wine expert you are! This will ensure that you not only fit in with the upper crust but that you will also get your fair share of the wine being passed around. In fact, the better you are at showing your expertise, the more wine you will get to drink, so there is a major incentive in picking up this important information.
Fortunately, it's not difficult.
As far as vocabulary is concerned, most wine reviewers write such blatantly ridiculous stuff that you can pretty much string together any words you want and come out sounding like an expert. You do have to pay attention to some basic points. First and foremost among them is whether the wine you are drinking is a white wine or a red. Describing a red as tasting like "honey and brioche" will get you in trouble every time, as will calling a white "dark and earthy"†, so pay attention as the wine is being poured as to it's color.
Most importantly, however, you have to watch your demeanor. You can't just toss it back and wipe your mouth with your sleeve. It's important to pretend that you are savoring the experience and the wine.
Scenario (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, I am dying for you to try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: What an amazing color! (swirling the wine gently in the glass) Thank you. (putting your nose into the glass to pretend to enjoy its fragrance) Do I detect hints of Key lime pie and grapefruit?
Host: (beaming) Yes... the fruit is awesome.
You: (taking a large sip but holding it with sophistication in your mouth) Oh yes, the sweet buttered popcorn flavors are distinctive but not overwhelming.
Host: Yes... it is so complex!
Delores: That sounds so good....
You: (swallowing) And the finish is redolent of vanilla oak with a mineral hint of salt of the sea and a lick of cold granite. It's truly an excellent choice, Percy!
Host: Here let me refill your glass. And I have more bottles over there on ice, just help yourself!
Delores: How about me? I want to tell you about the wine too!
With practice, you can make your conversations go more like this, and you will be well on your way to appearing more cultured and getting even more wine in the process.
- - - - - - - - - -
* All expressions in this article were found among descriptions of chardonnay wines
† except this one
Monday, July 18, 2011
How to German Wines
Last week after some hard-hitting investigation, I debunked the idea that people were shy about accurate alcohol information on their wine labels – a journalistic high moment. But that got me to thinking that maybe I should perform other public services and give back more to the community.
I did pass on information about how to understand cricket – many months ago – so in that same civic spirit, I would like to provide some useful hints about wine, specifically, how to read a German wine label.
It is a well-known fact that German wines are the most comprehensively labeled wines in the world. They provide a wealth of information, enabling the wine drinker to pick the right wine "for the job", so to speak. Regrettably, the information is in German, so the English-speaking "lay person" is at a disadvantage in deciphering what is on the label.
This is where I come in. Endless hours of research have given me unique insights into German wine-label cryptography, so I am happy to pass along a few tidbits of useful intelligence to you, the crypto-challenged "lay person".
First, good German wines are ranked according to how long the grapes have been ripening on the vines. This ranking is called "Prädikat". I cannot figure out why they put two dots over the 'a' when a plain 'a' would work just as well, but "Prädikat" means "predicate", in English. As you all know from when you studied French in high school, the predicate is actually the verb. You underline it twice when you diagram sentences, and all the other lines come off from it: the adverbs, the relative clauses, the objects of the verb and so on. So in German wine labeling, all the rankings branch off from this "verb", too.
"What are the rankings," you ask?
A very good and timely question.
The lowest ranking is "Kabinett". As you might have guessed, the word "Kabinett" in German is related to the English word "Cabinet" which itself comes from French. The French, of course, used it as "cabinet de toilette", so this wine is of a quality to be drunk in the toilet (or other "kabinetts"), preferably alone.
Let's move to the next level of quality, "Spätlese". Once again we see the 'a' with two dots over it. I really wish they would cut this out, as I have no idea how to pronounce it – even in my brain. You know what happens when you eat ice cream too fast? That is sort of what happens when I try to pronounce "Spätlese" in my head¹. Whatever the pronunciation, this ranking is a little higher than the "kabinett" one, but if you drink too much of it, you will probably "spät up", so it's best to go easy on it.
Moving right along, the next ranking is "Auslese". "Aus" means "off" in German and "lese" means "vintage", but this vintage is not "off" as we understand the word. Ha ha! This wine is good enough to take "off" the shelf in the "kabinett" – sort of like "coming out of the closet". You could even serve it to friends!
The fourth level of quality is called "Beerenauslese". We might read this in English as "beer 'n' auslese". Like "Auslese" above, this one is definitely good enough to serve guests, but should be drunk with beer. Those Germans! I would recommend a small glass of the wine followed by a stein of beer drunk as a chaser.
Next up the chain of command, so to speak, is "Eiswein". This means exactly what it sounds like, "ice wine". Although most of us would NEVER EVER put ice in our wines, in Germany this is what is required for this wine. It is so concentrated in its flavor that you should add ice to it to "weäken or dilüte it" before drinking.
The final level of quality is called "Trockenbeerenauslese". "Trocken" is German for "dry". This is also a wine that – as with simple "Beerenauslese" – you drink with beer. The difference is that you must drink both the bottle of wine and the stein of beer "dry". It is a cultural thing similar to the Japanese "kampai" or the Chinese "Gan bei" which means to "dry your cup", except you are dealing with a much larger volume, since you have to kill the whole bottle PLUS the large stein of beer. Be careful about "Späting" this one up too.
I hope these simple hints have been useful for you and that next time when you go to your local wine shop you will be able to casually bandy about these terms with the wine merchant, demonstrating how you have graduated from "lay person" to "person" in the wine world!
Cheers! Or as they say in Swedish, skål. It just goes to show that you can put a lot of things over the 'a' in other languages. Be thankful that you speak English and don't need to worry about them.
- - - - - - - - - -
¹ For you Japanese-speakers, it would be like trying to pronounce カ° .
I did pass on information about how to understand cricket – many months ago – so in that same civic spirit, I would like to provide some useful hints about wine, specifically, how to read a German wine label.
It is a well-known fact that German wines are the most comprehensively labeled wines in the world. They provide a wealth of information, enabling the wine drinker to pick the right wine "for the job", so to speak. Regrettably, the information is in German, so the English-speaking "lay person" is at a disadvantage in deciphering what is on the label.
This is where I come in. Endless hours of research have given me unique insights into German wine-label cryptography, so I am happy to pass along a few tidbits of useful intelligence to you, the crypto-challenged "lay person".
First, good German wines are ranked according to how long the grapes have been ripening on the vines. This ranking is called "Prädikat". I cannot figure out why they put two dots over the 'a' when a plain 'a' would work just as well, but "Prädikat" means "predicate", in English. As you all know from when you studied French in high school, the predicate is actually the verb. You underline it twice when you diagram sentences, and all the other lines come off from it: the adverbs, the relative clauses, the objects of the verb and so on. So in German wine labeling, all the rankings branch off from this "verb", too.
"What are the rankings," you ask?
A very good and timely question.
The lowest ranking is "Kabinett". As you might have guessed, the word "Kabinett" in German is related to the English word "Cabinet" which itself comes from French. The French, of course, used it as "cabinet de toilette", so this wine is of a quality to be drunk in the toilet (or other "kabinetts"), preferably alone.
Let's move to the next level of quality, "Spätlese". Once again we see the 'a' with two dots over it. I really wish they would cut this out, as I have no idea how to pronounce it – even in my brain. You know what happens when you eat ice cream too fast? That is sort of what happens when I try to pronounce "Spätlese" in my head¹. Whatever the pronunciation, this ranking is a little higher than the "kabinett" one, but if you drink too much of it, you will probably "spät up", so it's best to go easy on it.
Moving right along, the next ranking is "Auslese". "Aus" means "off" in German and "lese" means "vintage", but this vintage is not "off" as we understand the word. Ha ha! This wine is good enough to take "off" the shelf in the "kabinett" – sort of like "coming out of the closet". You could even serve it to friends!
The fourth level of quality is called "Beerenauslese". We might read this in English as "beer 'n' auslese". Like "Auslese" above, this one is definitely good enough to serve guests, but should be drunk with beer. Those Germans! I would recommend a small glass of the wine followed by a stein of beer drunk as a chaser.
Next up the chain of command, so to speak, is "Eiswein". This means exactly what it sounds like, "ice wine". Although most of us would NEVER EVER put ice in our wines, in Germany this is what is required for this wine. It is so concentrated in its flavor that you should add ice to it to "weäken or dilüte it" before drinking.
The final level of quality is called "Trockenbeerenauslese". "Trocken" is German for "dry". This is also a wine that – as with simple "Beerenauslese" – you drink with beer. The difference is that you must drink both the bottle of wine and the stein of beer "dry". It is a cultural thing similar to the Japanese "kampai" or the Chinese "Gan bei" which means to "dry your cup", except you are dealing with a much larger volume, since you have to kill the whole bottle PLUS the large stein of beer. Be careful about "Späting" this one up too.
I hope these simple hints have been useful for you and that next time when you go to your local wine shop you will be able to casually bandy about these terms with the wine merchant, demonstrating how you have graduated from "lay person" to "person" in the wine world!
Cheers! Or as they say in Swedish, skål. It just goes to show that you can put a lot of things over the 'a' in other languages. Be thankful that you speak English and don't need to worry about them.
- - - - - - - - - -
¹ For you Japanese-speakers, it would be like trying to pronounce カ° .
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