Cricket 101

Today we are going to take a fascinating look at cricket. I am sure that all of you are aware of this stimulating game and are eager to find out more about it, so you can make sense of the news reports as I do on a regular, even daily basis! (Yes, I am actually THAT cool.)
A good place to start – for those of you who do not regularly read the cricket news – is to quote from the Daily Yomiuri newspaper, an English-language paper published by a major Japanese news organization. This is from the Saturday, December 4th edition. I will explain everything later in "layman's terms".
(these are actual quotes)
First the headline:
Australia Dismissed for Dreary 245 to Start 2nd Test
Then some key points:
Play started in an incredible fashion when Jonathon Trott threw down the stumps from mid-wicket to run out Katich, who did not face a ball.
The excitement builds:
Hussey and Marcus North then made comfortable, if unspectacular, progress before the latter was dismissed for 26 when he nicked a Steven Finn delivery behind while attempting to guide the ball to third man.
Later in the game:
Swan bowled 23 overs in an uninterrupted session either side of tea before making the key breakthrough later in the third session, prompting Hussey to edge to Paul Collingwood at slip.
The explanation:
Now I know that all of you want to be able to read the above as I do and completely understand what it is they are writing about. There are some key things to be aware of that will help you to understand cricket reports.
1. They are written in English. Yes. This may seem doubtful as you read the sentences above, but apparently this is English.
2. There are some vocabulary items you need to remember in order to understand cricket. As I am totally "up" on cricket AND (lucky you) an English teacher, I can list and define them below:
First the headline:
dismissed = sent to the closet for time out
dreary = actually not bad, but we want to look down on them because they are Australian
Key points:
(to) throw down the stumps = (to) throw down the stumps (duh)
mid-wicket = not the top nor the bottom part of the wicket – just the middle bit. On a cow, this would be the sirloin. (If I could draw a picture I would, believe me.)
(to) not face a ball = (to) not look at that part of the cow we call "rocky mountain oysters"... or is that sheep... something like that. :-)
Then we move to the next part of the match. This requires some serious glossing for the "lay person" to understand.
(to) nick a delivery behind = er... this ties into the condom thing with the Pope and all. If he is wearing a condom it's ok, but if not... then he must be "dismissed" (see above).
(to) guide the ball to third man = this is something we cannot talk about on a "family blog" like this. Take it from me; you don't want to know.
Later in the Game:
(to) bowl overs = this is a euphemism for other things we cannot mention on a "family blog" like this one. Maybe I can rephrase it in a more acceptable way? Let's see... you know the expression "(to) bowl (someone) over"? In cricket, it is similar in meaning except you do things that require the wearing of a condom (unless you are the Pope), if you want to score a point. I hope I have not offended you. I really do try to keep this a "family blog".
either side of tea = I actually have no idea about this. Do they get to choose which side? If it is both sides, why don't they say "both sides of tea"? And what does tea have to do with it anyway. It must be a euphemism for something; I just don't know what!
(to) edge (someone) at slip = This one is complicated. You see, some members of the team have to cross-dress. These are the ones who wear slips and who also "bowl overs" (if you get my drift). If a non-cross-dressing player edges one of their slips s/he gets a point unless it is "nicked from behind" without a condom. In that case, s/he loses a point.
And that's it!
Now that you know the basic vocabulary, you are all set to start reading the cricket news! Of course we could not cover all the items in this short lesson, but if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!