With e-mails, text messages and tweets, the day of sitting with pen in hand to write a letter on paper, put it into an envelope, stick on a stamp and post it at the corner may be long gone. In Japan, however, the Post Office has not given up hope for the good old days. On their web site, they maintain a section called “Letter Navigation” which offers point-and-click access to letters of every sort. No simple list, the web site opens with a selection from among 4 categories: “Official”, “Private”, “Ceremonial Occasions”, and “Seasonal Greetings”. Within each of these are subcategories. The category “Private” has no fewer than 19 subcategories with a total of 140 letters, including (under the subcategory “Admonishment / Advice”) a letter to a derelict husband who is ignoring his familial duties by staying out late and drinking too much: helpful support for nosey busybodies. In all, the site provides an incredible 296 letters.
Do you find it hard to ask that special person out on a date? The Japanese Post Office will make it easy for you.
Let’s use Hiroshi Tanaka as an example. Poor Hiroshi is low on personal skills, but there is someone at the office who attracts him, cute Keiko Yamada. He wants to ask her out, but how? What could he say? He goes to the Letter Navigation web site, and under “Private”, subcategory “Engagement / Love”, finds the perfect message. He nervously clicks on “Date Invitation” and begins reading the message.
"Please excuse my rudeness in sending you this letter out of the blue. Actually I have gotten two tickets to a (fill in performer’s name) concert on (fill in month and day) at (fill in time) at (fill in concert hall name). It is a Bach organ recital. I remembered that the other day during our lunch break, you talked about how much you loved music, so ….
At work it is hard to find the private moment to talk directly to you, so I am sending you this letter. If we could go together, it would really make me happy. What is your schedule like? I look forward to your answer."
He copies and pastes it, adds the dates, and names, prints it out and mails it the very next day on his way to work. Who could refuse a date tendered with such obvious sincerity?
Alas, the Japanese Post Office also provides the rejection letter. Keiko likes Hiroshi but has other plans for that day. Shy, she is not sure how to phrase a refusal without hurting poor Hiroshi’s feelings; she knows how awkward he is at the office. She goes to the Japanese Post Office web site and clicks on this response, “Date Invitation (Decline)”.
"Thank you for your letter. It is a wonderful invitation, but I am afraid I cannot accept on account of a previous engagement. I am really sorry. Actually I have already made an appointment to have dinner with old friends from my college days. It has been (fill in number) years since all of us friends have gotten together, so refusing now would be ….
The concert does sound great though; I especially like that kind of music. I really do want to get together with you, but please allow me to refuse this time. If you have another splendid plan in the future, you will invite me again, won’t you? Anyway, I am writing my answer in haste."
She slips it into an envelope and takes it to the Post Office to mail.
In Japan on Valentine’s Day, contrary to usual American practice, women send messages and give chocolates to men. As February 14th approaches, Keiko recalls the sweet invitation she got from Hiroshi to go to the concert. She decides to encourage him with a special Valentine’s Day message, so it’s back to Letter Navigation where she opens this very suitable one, “Valentine’s Day Confession”.
"All year, this is the one day I have been waiting for. It’s Valentine’s Day. So I will be brave and make a confession. I really like (fill in name*). You may be surprised to receive this suddenly from me, but I thought that since today might be my only chance, I would be daring and write to you. The chocolates that I am giving with this letter are not the usual “obligation chocolates”. I am waiting for (fill in name)’s response on White Day, one month from now. A happy response would be great, but to tell the truth, I am a little uncertain about your feelings for me."
Keiko types Hiroshi’s name in the blanks, prints it and includes it along with the Valentine’s Day chocolates which she had bought at her local supermarket. She secretly slips it under some papers on Hiroshi’s desk on Valentine’s Day, and pretends not to notice when he discovers it. When Keiko sees Hiroshi’s delighted smile out of the corner of her eye, she can feel her face starting to blush.
Hiroshi is overjoyed to find Keiko’s Valentine. She really does like him! Better send her a thank-you note. He finds the perfect message right there at the Post Office web site, “Valentine’s Day Gratitude”, and mails it off as soon as he can.
"I really want to thank you for those warm expressions from your heart that I received from you on Valentine’s Day the other day. Not only do you help me out at work all the time, but you have given me some really high-class chocolates as well. I am really thankful for the whisky too; it’s my favorite type. I intend to enjoy the delicious chocolate and whisky immediately! I hope for even more help from you at work in the future! With hasty gratitude…."
White Day is March 14th , one month after Valentine’s Day, when men are supposed to respond to women who have given them Valentine’s Day chocolates. Hiroshi is eager to show his growing feelings for Keiko. A few days before White Day, Hiroshi carefully picks out a box of chocolates at the supermarket and rushes home to his computer. He goes to the Post Office web site and finds just the right message, “White Day”.
"Thank you for the delicious chocolates you gave me on Valentine’s Day. I was also very happy to read your letter. I just can’t thank you enough. Today is White Day, and with these chocolates, I can really show you how I feel. I have always noticed you too. Would it be better to write, “I like you”? It has seemed longer than a month since Valentine’s Day. Just like you, I too have been waiting for this day. Since it seems we share the same feelings towards each other, let’s go on a date one of these days. Do you like musicals? If so, since I can get tickets, won’t you come with me? I am awaiting your response."
He prints the letter, and it is ready to put on Keiko’s desk with the chocolates when she’s not looking!
Keiko had been a little worried after Valentine’s Day when Hiroshi had thanked her for whisky, as she couldn’t remember giving him any. But she had also passed out so many “obligation chocolates” that day —to the office manager, the computer guy, even to that jerk, Sato, who is always coming on to her — she couldn’t really remember which ones she had given Hiroshi. Maybe she had given him the whisky bon-bons. But Hiroshi’s thoughtful White Day note and the lovely chocolates put her mind at ease. Back in her apartment, Keiko flicks on her computer and finds the Post Office’s ideal response to receiving White Day chocolates, “White Day Gratitude”, but instead, on the spur of the moment and her blossoming feelings, decides to accept Hiroshi’s date! Almost bursting with anticipation, Keiko clicks the “Date Invitation (Acceptance)” link, and reads the touching note.
"Thank you so much for your letter. The unexpected invitation made my heart jump with joy. Of course, please let me accompany you. To tell the truth, I love listening to music, but to be frank this will be the first time I have gone to a classical concert since I started working. Not only that, but for me… what can I say about the deeply provocative nature of a Bach organ recital? It can be wonderful, can’t it? Although it is still several days away, already I am in front of my mirror, having fun trying on different outfits I might wear. I am counting the days!"
Her heart throbbing with excitement, Keiko prints it out and rushes it to the Post Office!
At first Hiroshi is surprised that Keiko doesn’t mention anything about the musical, but then he remembers his first date invitation. “Of course!” He smiles to himself, “She really wanted to go with me that day!” The first Bach organ recital date has come and gone, but somehow Hiroshi manages to find another one in a different part of town. “We can go by taxi!” His pulse quickens as he imagines sitting next to Keiko in the back seat of the cab.
Well, one thing leads to another, and before long Hiroshi considers how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of his life with Keiko. But as always, he is at a loss for words. What could he say? Yes! He remembers the Post Office and finds just the right thing, “Marriage Proposal (Application for Marriage)”. He does worry a little about her reaction as he reads the letter.
"It may seem like “just too much” to be writing another letter, but some things are so important, I felt I had to put them down on paper. If you think about it, we have been together now for (fill in number) year. All the moments we spend together seem to go in a flash, but these (fill in number) year have been very fulfilling for me. I am always thinking of how I would like these moments to last my whole life. In other words, I want you to marry me.
How do you feel about this? Since I have not properly confirmed your feelings before in words, it would be wrong to say that I don’t have some anxiety about your response, but I believe that through our time together, I have more than adequately expressed my feelings towards you. I promise in good faith that I will take care of you in every way.
Well, I am sure that thinking of marriage makes your head spin, but please be in no hurry to respond. Take your time and think about it before you make your decision. I await good news from you."
Full of anxiety about how Keiko might react, Hiroshi walks slowly and takes a round-about-route to the Post Office, thinking, “Shall I mail it or not?” Suddenly he is standing in front of the post box and on the impulse of love, slides his letter into the slot.
Keiko comes home from work and finds Hiroshi’s letter in her mailbox. What could he be writing? She carefully cuts the envelope open. As she reads Hiroshi’s proposal, Keiko bursts with happiness. Blinking away her tears and with trembling fingers, she types in the fateful URL of the Letter Navigation page. She clicks on the “Marriage Proposal (Consent)” link and reads the happy letter of acceptance.
"(fill in name), thank you for your heartfelt letter. I gladly accept (fill in name)’s offer of marriage. I have long been waiting for (fill in name) to say the words of proposal, “Let’s get married”. I believe in (fill in name)’s character. Therefore I have no anxiety about a new life together with (fill in name). Let’s cooperate together to make an enjoyable family life!
Well, what sort of dress should I wear at the reception? (fill in name) will help in the dress selection, right? I am so thrilled by your proposal. Even though I cannot express myself well, because (fill in name) sent me such a bold letter, I have to say one more time, 'Thank you!'"
She rushes to the Post Office just in time to post the letter before they close. Hiroshi should get it as early as the next day!
A few days later in Hiroshi’s small apartment, the two lovers sit in the warm glow of the computer screen and choose the best announcement for their engagement. Blushing, Keiko points out that they can find birth announcements there too.
And, as the story goes — with the help of Japan Post— they should live happily ever after…, but if not, Japan Post offers a letter to ask a friend for counsel, Category: “Private”; Subcategory: “Advice”; Letter: “Divorce”. Nothing should be left to chance.
*Translation note: Japanese can refer to each other in the third person by name. For example, “How does Hiroshi feel about that?” = “How do you feel about that?”
Acknowledgement:
With thanks to Japan Post for the permission to translate their letters
http://www.post.japanpost.jp/navi/private/i-priv-m.html
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Let's Happy the Debt too!
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 75–77
As I am sure you all know, Standard & Poor's (Slogan: Meet our standard or we make you poor) has downgraded Japanese debt from AA (double-A) to double-A minus. Now, when I was in school, even a single-A minus would have been reason for delirious celebration, but apparently in the high flying world of international finance, this is not considered a "good grade".
Prime Minister Kan demonstrated his concern by saying that he "doesn't know much about" credit rating systems. Hats off to the PM; would that every national leader could be so bluntly honest: "I'm an idiot; live with it."
As everyone knows, the United States is a huge borrower of money, a great deal of it from foreign countries like China and Japan.
But I was curious. Who is holding Japanese debt? Who would buy Japanese Government Bonds (JGB) when they are only AA minus rated (US is AAA rated), especially when you see that Japan is ranked right behind hyperinflating Zimbabwe in percent of total debt against GDP?
It turns out, the Japanese are borrowing from themselves! A full 95% of Japanese national debt is held by Japan.
How do they manage this?
They pay themselves a very low interest rate on their holdings. For example, the consumer interest rate for a Post Office, 3-year deposit is – wait for it – a WHOPPING 0.362% (after taxes) per year! This means that for every $100,000 of your nest egg you invest, you will get the substantial sum of $362 per year in interest income. Forget about more eggs in your nest; it's more like a little salt on the one you have. Americans, on the other hand, pay on average 3.29% or roughly 10 times as much.
What will the government do when the people decide that they want their money back?
Let's look at an example case.
Here are Mr. and Mrs. Futsuu a couple who have just taken retirement and are looking to spend their golden years, enjoying the fruit of their savings. They have been very frugal indeed, and in addition to Mr. Futsuu's pension of about $20,000 per year, they have the interest on the $500,000 they have saved. They have put all of their money into "high-yield" Post Office savings accounts and now their $500,000 is paying out (omg... this means I have to do some math... one sec...)$1810 per year in interest.
Mrs. Futsuu: (looking at their savings statement) Hey, look at this! We only got $1810 last year on our savings! We can't live on that! That barely covers your beer bill for each month!
Mr: And my pension only pays us a little more than $1600 per month...
Mrs: (looking sadly at Mr) We can't afford to live here any more.
Mr: (brightening) Let's move to the US where we can get 3.29% or better yet, New Zealand where we can get over 5% on our savings!
Mrs: (cheering up) Yes! I have been reading that many Japanese are moving abroad to retire.
So the Futsuus take out all their money and move to New Zealand.
This scenario, clearly, is unsustainable. If all the retirees remove their assets from savings in Japan, the government won't have the money to pay them back!
What should the government do?
It's simple! The government should take active steps to move them NOW, before they feel the pressure to withdraw their savings. Programs to encourage resettlement should be set up, offering housing in mostly Japanese compounds (for cultural comfort) in less expensive countries such as New Zealand (Slogan: Sheep ᴙ us) or Thailand. Only in this way will they be able to afford the retirement and aging of such a large portion of their population. This is also a win-win situation for everyone. The government moves people to cheaper places, thus saving on retirement and late-life health care costs for its aging population. The retirees themselves enjoy an upgrade in their lifestyles while spending far less of their life's savings. Young people will benefit from the increase in new job openings and reduced costs of supporting their elders. And finally, the lands they vacate in moving abroad can be turned over to relocated agricultural workers (see last week's post). Only by taking this dramatic and farsighted action can Japan create a more dynamic country – free from debt and disappearing seniors.
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 75–77
As I am sure you all know, Standard & Poor's (Slogan: Meet our standard or we make you poor) has downgraded Japanese debt from AA (double-A) to double-A minus. Now, when I was in school, even a single-A minus would have been reason for delirious celebration, but apparently in the high flying world of international finance, this is not considered a "good grade".
Prime Minister Kan demonstrated his concern by saying that he "doesn't know much about" credit rating systems. Hats off to the PM; would that every national leader could be so bluntly honest: "I'm an idiot; live with it."
As everyone knows, the United States is a huge borrower of money, a great deal of it from foreign countries like China and Japan.
But I was curious. Who is holding Japanese debt? Who would buy Japanese Government Bonds (JGB) when they are
It turns out, the Japanese are borrowing from themselves! A full 95% of Japanese national debt is held by Japan.
How do they manage this?
They pay themselves a very low interest rate on their holdings. For example, the consumer interest rate for a Post Office, 3-year deposit is – wait for it – a WHOPPING 0.362% (after taxes) per year! This means that for every $100,000 of your nest egg you invest, you will get the substantial sum of $362 per year in interest income. Forget about more eggs in your nest; it's more like a little salt on the one you have. Americans, on the other hand, pay on average 3.29% or roughly 10 times as much.
What will the government do when the people decide that they want their money back?
Let's look at an example case.
Here are Mr. and Mrs. Futsuu a couple who have just taken retirement and are looking to spend their golden years, enjoying the fruit of their savings. They have been very frugal indeed, and in addition to Mr. Futsuu's pension of about $20,000 per year, they have the interest on the $500,000 they have saved. They have put all of their money into "high-yield" Post Office savings accounts and now their $500,000 is paying out (omg... this means I have to do some math... one sec...)$1810 per year in interest.
Mrs. Futsuu: (looking at their savings statement) Hey, look at this! We only got $1810 last year on our savings! We can't live on that! That barely covers your beer bill for each month!
Mr: And my pension only pays us a little more than $1600 per month...
Mrs: (looking sadly at Mr) We can't afford to live here any more.
Mr: (brightening) Let's move to the US where we can get 3.29% or better yet, New Zealand where we can get over 5% on our savings!
Mrs: (cheering up) Yes! I have been reading that many Japanese are moving abroad to retire.
So the Futsuus take out all their money and move to New Zealand.
This scenario, clearly, is unsustainable. If all the retirees remove their assets from savings in Japan, the government won't have the money to pay them back!
What should the government do?
It's simple! The government should take active steps to move them NOW, before they feel the pressure to withdraw their savings. Programs to encourage resettlement should be set up, offering housing in mostly Japanese compounds (for cultural comfort) in less expensive countries such as New Zealand (Slogan: Sheep ᴙ us) or Thailand. Only in this way will they be able to afford the retirement and aging of such a large portion of their population. This is also a win-win situation for everyone. The government moves people to cheaper places, thus saving on retirement and late-life health care costs for its aging population. The retirees themselves enjoy an upgrade in their lifestyles while spending far less of their life's savings. Young people will benefit from the increase in new job openings and reduced costs of supporting their elders. And finally, the lands they vacate in moving abroad can be turned over to relocated agricultural workers (see last week's post). Only by taking this dramatic and farsighted action can Japan create a more dynamic country – free from debt and disappearing seniors.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Let's Happy the Rice
Oh the poor farmers in Japan. You think it's easy to go out into your tiny fields and plant rice? You try it! Nobody in Japan really wants to do it, so farming is left to the aged (average age 65!). Women especially are fleeing the countryside in droves. What happens is that the menfolk – what few young ones are left – then cannot find a marriage partner. Many are "reduced" to ordering brides from abroad, bringing a foreign woman who usually cannot speak any Japanese into the isolation and decline of their farming village.
To top this all off, rice production across the country is dropping and there is pressure from abroad for Japan to open its rice market to imports. Japanese pay more than 10 times what Americans pay for rice, but they still believe that rice cultivation is an important aspect of Japanese culture that needs to be preserved. The Japan Agricultural Cooperative (slogan: Diapers are available in adult sizes at our stores) helps to promote this inefficiency by using its powerful political weight to stop rice imports.
What can be done about this problem?
Move the farmers! Yes, the Japanese government should undertake a massive relocation program for the nation's farmers. Since rural areas are becoming depopulated anyway, the government would simply be speeding up the process and making the transition easier.
But where should they be moved to?
The answer is simple. Move everyone involved in farming to the cities and along major transportation routes where they can plant on small plots of empty land or rooftops of buildings and thus be visible to the urban population. The urban residents, more than 65% and growing, will feel better about the traditions of rice cultivation being upheld. The farmers could even be decked out in traditional "farmer wear" and do all their work by hand (saving on all that imported fuel that powers Japanese agriculture today), giving a more picturesque aspect to their bucolic revival. Traditional thatch roofed houses could be rebuilt in these areas, filling the nation's transportation corridors with a nostalgic, rural Japan theme park!
Since the amount of land cultivated for rice will be dramatically reduced, the shortfall in production will have to be covered by imports. This would be a win-win situation for everyone. Japanese farmers would be able to keep up their timeless activities in a traditional way, but since they would be in or near urban areas, more women would stick around at home and men would not have so much trouble finding brides. In addition, Japan would be able to respond positively to foreign pressure to open its market for imports. The price of rice would fall and the Japanese salaryman would be able to eat his much cheaper, convenience store box lunch on the train while looking out over the classic scenes of Japanese life, a view that hasn't been seen in a century or more! How much better can it get?
To top this all off, rice production across the country is dropping and there is pressure from abroad for Japan to open its rice market to imports. Japanese pay more than 10 times what Americans pay for rice, but they still believe that rice cultivation is an important aspect of Japanese culture that needs to be preserved. The Japan Agricultural Cooperative (slogan: Diapers are available in adult sizes at our stores) helps to promote this inefficiency by using its powerful political weight to stop rice imports.
What can be done about this problem?
Move the farmers! Yes, the Japanese government should undertake a massive relocation program for the nation's farmers. Since rural areas are becoming depopulated anyway, the government would simply be speeding up the process and making the transition easier.
But where should they be moved to?
The answer is simple. Move everyone involved in farming to the cities and along major transportation routes where they can plant on small plots of empty land or rooftops of buildings and thus be visible to the urban population. The urban residents, more than 65% and growing, will feel better about the traditions of rice cultivation being upheld. The farmers could even be decked out in traditional "farmer wear" and do all their work by hand (saving on all that imported fuel that powers Japanese agriculture today), giving a more picturesque aspect to their bucolic revival. Traditional thatch roofed houses could be rebuilt in these areas, filling the nation's transportation corridors with a nostalgic, rural Japan theme park!
Since the amount of land cultivated for rice will be dramatically reduced, the shortfall in production will have to be covered by imports. This would be a win-win situation for everyone. Japanese farmers would be able to keep up their timeless activities in a traditional way, but since they would be in or near urban areas, more women would stick around at home and men would not have so much trouble finding brides. In addition, Japan would be able to respond positively to foreign pressure to open its market for imports. The price of rice would fall and the Japanese salaryman would be able to eat his much cheaper, convenience store box lunch on the train while looking out over the classic scenes of Japanese life, a view that hasn't been seen in a century or more! How much better can it get?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Save The Japanese Part 2
Do you remember the angst that swept Japan several years ago when it was discovered that Japanese elementary school children were unable to sharpen their pencils with knives? That precious tradition had been lost, and parents (especially fathers who should get off their butts from in front of the TV and actually interact with their children once in a while!) should spend the time to teach their little ones this valuable cultural lesson. Well... not many fathers got around to it, and now the chickens have come home to roost.
Kyodo News
Friday, January 14
OMG! 1/3 of male teens averse or indifferent to sex
(actual headline in The Daily Yomiuri)
As reported here in an August post, time is running out on our chances to save the Japanese from extinction.
A recent survey done by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare (no less!) has revealed that over 36% of boys between the ages of 16 and 19 are averse or indifferent to sex, more than double the results shown in a similar survey conducted in 2008. That's not all. The same survey revealed that 59% of girls shared their feelings, an uptick of 25%.
"So, what's the connection between pencil sharpening and sex," you ask?
A very pertinent question! In fact, I was preparing to answer it even before you asked.
Remember World War 2? Probably not. OK, let me rephrase that question. Have you read about WW 2 and how brave and tough Japanese were in fighting against the Americans in the Pacific? Does anyone think that your average Japanese – say – high school or college kid could behave like that today? Not in a million years. Why? It is because of the herbivore education that they receive! Of course they learn math and science, reading and writing, and always outscore Americans on any international tests on these subjects, but they miss out on the blood-and-guts, carnivorous parts of education, those parts that get Americans to say things like, "Shoot first, ask questions later," or post signs on their properties that say, "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again." Why, 99.99% of Japanese have never even touched a gun, much less fired one.
Never mind guns; they have not even been taught to sharpen a pencil with a knife!
Such is the sad state of Japanese education – cranking out herbivores who have no interest in keeping the Japanese nation viable into the future. It has become even worse than the pandas who at least have zoos and other institutions, watching over them and forcing them to breed in captivity (by showing them panda porn and so on).
Drastic measures need to be taken if we are to keep the Japanese from going extinct. Already their population is slated to fall to around a third of its present level in less than 100 years!
What can we as concerned world citizens do? Have sex with a Japanese? Nuh uh. This will only dilute their Japanese gene pool and make them go extinct even more quickly. What we need to do is help in education. Write to the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology in Japan and tell them that you are worried that Japanese are all becoming herbivores and that they should teach more "robust" subjects in schools: Small Animal Butchery in elementary school, for example, or Comparative Porn Around the World in high school classes. "Sports" such as Advanced Petting should be included in the curriculum. Moreover, a more active attitude towards encouraging male–female contact should be promoted. High schools and universities should be required to offer dances and other social events for students. The drinking age should be lowered to 16 as it is in many countries in Europe, and alcohol should be served at these social functions to break down the herbivore inhibitions.
Only through these drastic measures can the Japanese people be saved from going the way of the dinosaur.
Kyodo News
Friday, January 14
OMG! 1/3 of male teens averse or indifferent to sex
(actual headline in The Daily Yomiuri)
As reported here in an August post, time is running out on our chances to save the Japanese from extinction.
A recent survey done by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare (no less!) has revealed that over 36% of boys between the ages of 16 and 19 are averse or indifferent to sex, more than double the results shown in a similar survey conducted in 2008. That's not all. The same survey revealed that 59% of girls shared their feelings, an uptick of 25%.
"So, what's the connection between pencil sharpening and sex," you ask?
A very pertinent question! In fact, I was preparing to answer it even before you asked.
Remember World War 2? Probably not. OK, let me rephrase that question. Have you read about WW 2 and how brave and tough Japanese were in fighting against the Americans in the Pacific? Does anyone think that your average Japanese – say – high school or college kid could behave like that today? Not in a million years. Why? It is because of the herbivore education that they receive! Of course they learn math and science, reading and writing, and always outscore Americans on any international tests on these subjects, but they miss out on the blood-and-guts, carnivorous parts of education, those parts that get Americans to say things like, "Shoot first, ask questions later," or post signs on their properties that say, "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again." Why, 99.99% of Japanese have never even touched a gun, much less fired one.
Never mind guns; they have not even been taught to sharpen a pencil with a knife!
Such is the sad state of Japanese education – cranking out herbivores who have no interest in keeping the Japanese nation viable into the future. It has become even worse than the pandas who at least have zoos and other institutions, watching over them and forcing them to breed in captivity (by showing them panda porn and so on).
Drastic measures need to be taken if we are to keep the Japanese from going extinct. Already their population is slated to fall to around a third of its present level in less than 100 years!
What can we as concerned world citizens do? Have sex with a Japanese? Nuh uh. This will only dilute their Japanese gene pool and make them go extinct even more quickly. What we need to do is help in education. Write to the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology in Japan and tell them that you are worried that Japanese are all becoming herbivores and that they should teach more "robust" subjects in schools: Small Animal Butchery in elementary school, for example, or Comparative Porn Around the World in high school classes. "Sports" such as Advanced Petting should be included in the curriculum. Moreover, a more active attitude towards encouraging male–female contact should be promoted. High schools and universities should be required to offer dances and other social events for students. The drinking age should be lowered to 16 as it is in many countries in Europe, and alcohol should be served at these social functions to break down the herbivore inhibitions.
Only through these drastic measures can the Japanese people be saved from going the way of the dinosaur.
Monday, January 17, 2011
North Korean 101
As with cricket reporters, the North Koreans have come up with interesting variations of language use that may not be immediately clear to the novice. After long and patient hours of study and extensive research, I have educated myself to the point where I can translate these expressions into common English for the average person.
As a professional language teacher, I know that the best place to start in any language lesson is with its easiest components, so let's begin with some of the simpler expressions that spring from the mouths of North Korean spokesmen. I will put the expression here (from North Korea's 100th Anniversary of Juche New Year's greeting) and will give examples of inaccurate translations as well as the correct answer.
1. "This year's general offensive is a continuation of the grand onward march for improving the people's standard of living, and its new, higher stage." (from the New Year Report)
Translation A: We will continue to work towards improving the lives of the average North Korean citizen.
This translation is incorrect. If you understand that the words "the people" actually mean "Kim Jong Il and his cronies", then you will understand the true meaning of the expression. Translation A did leave out "its new higher stage", which is accurate. This is only filler and has no real meaning.
2. "Light industry is the major front in the general offensive of this year."
Translation B: We will develop light industry as never before.
This is an almost accurate translation. It would be better if the words "as never before" were omitted and "one of these days" put in their place.
3. "The present grand onward march for the improvement of the people's standard of living demands that a full-scale offensive be launched in the overall economic front."
Translation C: Hmm.... something about improving Kim Jong Il and his cronies' standard of living, but I don't get the rest of it.
Yes, this one seems easy but is more complicated than it looks. You got part of it right though! Quick learner.
A correct translation would be, "We will continue to work hard to improve the standard of living of Kim Jong Il and his cronies by making a serious effort to get around the sanctions imposed on us."
4. "A revolution in light industry is just a revolution in chemical industry."
Translation D: Huh?
Exactly. Sometimes even the North Koreans do not know what they are saying.
5. "An important way to accelerate the speed of the onward march for a great upsurge in the whole of economic construction is to continue to intensify the drive of breaking through the cutting edge."
Translation E: Wow, these are really getting hard! I am completely perplexed.
Once again, you are correct. This is actually just a stringing together of "buzz words" without thinking about whether they actually make a hive.
6. "Greater efforts should be made to spruce up the overall looks of the country as appropriate to a thriving nation."
Translation F: I got this one, I think! "We will try to make our country more attractive"?
No. Completely wrong. This is better translated as "We will control the movements of tourists and other visitors even more, so that they can't see what our country really looks like". Actually "sprucing up the overall looks of the country" would require taking money from "the people", if you get my drift.
7. "At present the Juche-oriented cause of army building is making dynamic progress on a new, high stage."
Translation G: Let's see... "new, high stage" is filler, so I can ignore that, so how about, "We are building our army"?
Very good. Simplicity of expression is not one of their strong suits, but you just about covered it.
8. "Last year our nation's movement for the country's reunification made dynamic progress even in the face of the vicious challenges of the separatist forces inside and outside."
Translation H: How about, "We made progress in our relations with South Korea despite troubles from inside and outside"?
Close, but you are not reading between the lines. A better translation would be, "We tried very hard through sinking a South Korean naval vessel and shelling one of their islands to show that they need to cave in to our pressure, but they didn't and the US didn't either."
9: "Confrontation between north and south should be defused as early as possible."
Translation I: Surely this means what it says?
No. The correct translation is, "We will continue to subvert the south by every means possible and fritter away time at the negotiating table in order to keep our government afloat".
Finally, I challenge any of my readers to read through the message from North Korea upon the 100th anniversary year of Juche, or another example of their messages here.
As a professional language teacher, I know that the best place to start in any language lesson is with its easiest components, so let's begin with some of the simpler expressions that spring from the mouths of North Korean spokesmen. I will put the expression here (from North Korea's 100th Anniversary of Juche New Year's greeting) and will give examples of inaccurate translations as well as the correct answer.
1. "This year's general offensive is a continuation of the grand onward march for improving the people's standard of living, and its new, higher stage." (from the New Year Report)
Translation A: We will continue to work towards improving the lives of the average North Korean citizen.
This translation is incorrect. If you understand that the words "the people" actually mean "Kim Jong Il and his cronies", then you will understand the true meaning of the expression. Translation A did leave out "its new higher stage", which is accurate. This is only filler and has no real meaning.
2. "Light industry is the major front in the general offensive of this year."
Translation B: We will develop light industry as never before.
This is an almost accurate translation. It would be better if the words "as never before" were omitted and "one of these days" put in their place.
3. "The present grand onward march for the improvement of the people's standard of living demands that a full-scale offensive be launched in the overall economic front."
Translation C: Hmm.... something about improving Kim Jong Il and his cronies' standard of living, but I don't get the rest of it.
Yes, this one seems easy but is more complicated than it looks. You got part of it right though! Quick learner.
A correct translation would be, "We will continue to work hard to improve the standard of living of Kim Jong Il and his cronies by making a serious effort to get around the sanctions imposed on us."
4. "A revolution in light industry is just a revolution in chemical industry."
Translation D: Huh?
Exactly. Sometimes even the North Koreans do not know what they are saying.
5. "An important way to accelerate the speed of the onward march for a great upsurge in the whole of economic construction is to continue to intensify the drive of breaking through the cutting edge."
Translation E: Wow, these are really getting hard! I am completely perplexed.
Once again, you are correct. This is actually just a stringing together of "buzz words" without thinking about whether they actually make a hive.
6. "Greater efforts should be made to spruce up the overall looks of the country as appropriate to a thriving nation."
Translation F: I got this one, I think! "We will try to make our country more attractive"?
No. Completely wrong. This is better translated as "We will control the movements of tourists and other visitors even more, so that they can't see what our country really looks like". Actually "sprucing up the overall looks of the country" would require taking money from "the people", if you get my drift.
7. "At present the Juche-oriented cause of army building is making dynamic progress on a new, high stage."
Translation G: Let's see... "new, high stage" is filler, so I can ignore that, so how about, "We are building our army"?
Very good. Simplicity of expression is not one of their strong suits, but you just about covered it.
8. "Last year our nation's movement for the country's reunification made dynamic progress even in the face of the vicious challenges of the separatist forces inside and outside."
Translation H: How about, "We made progress in our relations with South Korea despite troubles from inside and outside"?
Close, but you are not reading between the lines. A better translation would be, "We tried very hard through sinking a South Korean naval vessel and shelling one of their islands to show that they need to cave in to our pressure, but they didn't and the US didn't either."
9: "Confrontation between north and south should be defused as early as possible."
Translation I: Surely this means what it says?
No. The correct translation is, "We will continue to subvert the south by every means possible and fritter away time at the negotiating table in order to keep our government afloat".
Finally, I challenge any of my readers to read through the message from North Korea upon the 100th anniversary year of Juche, or another example of their messages here.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dumb and Dumber
Oh my, oh my, we do have a problem in the good ol' U. S. of A. This calls for another rant. Apologies in advance for it not being particularly funny.
Information
What is the most popular news channel in the US today? Fox News. Fox News has been cited by a recent poll as the most trusted name in TV reporting. Particularly Republicans like what Fox presents; a whopping 74% of Republicans think that Fox News is the most trustworthy of the TV news disseminators.
Another recent study done by the University of Maryland concludes that Fox News makes its viewers stupid.
OK ...
maybe that's not fair. It COULD be that stupid people watch Fox News and that Fox News only brings out the "best" in them.
And what exactly IS that "best" in the nation that wants to claim world leadership? Well, a full 40% of Americans believe in creationism, that is to say specifically that they believe humans were created by God within the last 10,000 years. (Let's just say the Paleolithic Period never happened, OK?) 52% of Republicans have this view while "only" 34% of Democrats or Independents do. Clearly we have a serious failing in our schools' approach to science education if 40% of Americans believe something that is simply not supported by scientific investigation.
In addition, international awareness – especially important for a super-power – is abysmal. Two thirds of college-age Americans cannot find Iraq on a map, and despite a compelling need for speakers of other languages, only about a quarter of our elementary school pupils and less than half of our high school students are exposed to a foreign language. In addition, Americans are outscored by most other developed nations in internationally accepted tests in math, science and reading. This failure cannot be explained away by the diversity of our nation.
Denial
According to the Center of Disease Control, roughly 30% of Americans are obese. Not pleasantly plump, not well-rounded, obese. This contrasts sharply with the public view which, according to one poll, indicates that 90% of Americans think they eat a healthy diet. When First Lady, Michelle Obama, came out in support of better eating habits, she was snarked by Sarah Palin for trying to impose governmental controls on us. Sarah Palin is a Republican leader. She also works for Fox News. She also believes creationism should be taught in our schools.
Defense
The United States spends more on "defense" than all the other nations in the world combined – more than 6 times as much as its nearest competitor, China. It costs around $400,000 per year to support one soldier in Iraq. $400,000 would pay for the following:
1. annual tuition at Harvard University for 10 students with money left over, or for the total costs of almost 20 students to attend the University of Washington, or
2. annual rent for a two-bedroom apartment for almost 60 families of four, living below the poverty line in a city like Seattle, WA., or
3. 160,000 free lunches for children going to our schools, or
4. almost 8 police officers' annual salaries, or
5. pay the total cost of 8 Peace Corps volunteers for one year (includes all administrative costs and volunteer stipends etc.).
Only one soldier. For only one year.
It is harder and harder to be audaciously hopeful.
Information
What is the most popular news channel in the US today? Fox News. Fox News has been cited by a recent poll as the most trusted name in TV reporting. Particularly Republicans like what Fox presents; a whopping 74% of Republicans think that Fox News is the most trustworthy of the TV news disseminators.
Another recent study done by the University of Maryland concludes that Fox News makes its viewers stupid.
OK ...
maybe that's not fair. It COULD be that stupid people watch Fox News and that Fox News only brings out the "best" in them.
And what exactly IS that "best" in the nation that wants to claim world leadership? Well, a full 40% of Americans believe in creationism, that is to say specifically that they believe humans were created by God within the last 10,000 years. (Let's just say the Paleolithic Period never happened, OK?) 52% of Republicans have this view while "only" 34% of Democrats or Independents do. Clearly we have a serious failing in our schools' approach to science education if 40% of Americans believe something that is simply not supported by scientific investigation.
In addition, international awareness – especially important for a super-power – is abysmal. Two thirds of college-age Americans cannot find Iraq on a map, and despite a compelling need for speakers of other languages, only about a quarter of our elementary school pupils and less than half of our high school students are exposed to a foreign language. In addition, Americans are outscored by most other developed nations in internationally accepted tests in math, science and reading. This failure cannot be explained away by the diversity of our nation.
Denial
According to the Center of Disease Control, roughly 30% of Americans are obese. Not pleasantly plump, not well-rounded, obese. This contrasts sharply with the public view which, according to one poll, indicates that 90% of Americans think they eat a healthy diet. When First Lady, Michelle Obama, came out in support of better eating habits, she was snarked by Sarah Palin for trying to impose governmental controls on us. Sarah Palin is a Republican leader. She also works for Fox News. She also believes creationism should be taught in our schools.
Defense
The United States spends more on "defense" than all the other nations in the world combined – more than 6 times as much as its nearest competitor, China. It costs around $400,000 per year to support one soldier in Iraq. $400,000 would pay for the following:
1. annual tuition at Harvard University for 10 students with money left over, or for the total costs of almost 20 students to attend the University of Washington, or
2. annual rent for a two-bedroom apartment for almost 60 families of four, living below the poverty line in a city like Seattle, WA., or
3. 160,000 free lunches for children going to our schools, or
4. almost 8 police officers' annual salaries, or
5. pay the total cost of 8 Peace Corps volunteers for one year (includes all administrative costs and volunteer stipends etc.).
Only one soldier. For only one year.
It is harder and harder to be audaciously hopeful.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Pope Blames Priestly Pedophilia on the '70s!
Dec. 20 (Monday) Pope Benedict XVI in his year-end message called on the Catholic Church to reflect on the abuses committed by priests against their charges but also suggested that pedophilia was considered a kind of norm of the times (the 1970s).
Now, I can see the 1970s driving someone to drink; all you need to do is listen to My Ding A Ling a few times, and you will be hitting the gin very seriously indeed. But those were simple times and people had simpler tastes in music. I would also blame the song My Way, sung by Frank Sinatra, as a cause for almost any horrible thing: serial murder, whales beaching themselves, or global warming, just to name a few.
The lyrics of that song are so strained, you can almost feel the writer (Paul Anka) struggling with poetic constipation: "I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption"...
And then: "but through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out." (YUCK!)
And even worse.., "For what is a man, what has he got, if not himself, then he has naught".
Naught... when did you use THAT word last? When did ANYONE use it? 1920s? But that song was released in 1969, so we cannot blame the errant behavior of the priests on its pernicious influence.
(I do, however, believe in the death penalty for Paul Anka who wrote it.)
But pedophilia? I sort of remember the 1970s, and I don't remember huge waves of popular pedophilia sweeping the nation. But maybe I missed something.
What particular aspect of the '70s might it have been? The Pope would not make something like this up. And he does not strike me as the tongue in cheek sort. It had to be something.
The movie, "The Exorcist", came out in 1973. Could this have caused those priests to go over the edge?
There they were, worried that they didn't have the "right stuff" to chase away the devil, so they had no alternative but to go over to the "dark side" and molest children?
Seems unlikely, doesn't it?
Perhaps it was the waterbed which coupled with the new advances in women's reproductive rights lead to a sexual revolution?
There they were, surrounded by pictures of hot women such as Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Tiegs, and driven by lust, they had no alternative but to molest the young boys in their congregations.
No... maybe that is a little far fetched too. Why would they molest boys, after all?
What was it about the '70s that caused those poor priests to loose their moral compass and molest youngsters?
The personal computer!
Yes!
The advent of the personal computer in the 1970s must have been too much for them to handle, so they needed to escape the stress somehow and had to "handle" something else!
But no. The child porn sites and nun-porn sites were still a distant dream in the future.
What COULD it have been?! I mean... what would drive these priests to molest the people in their congregations? It had to be something bad; they would never ever do this on their own, for sure. Right? I mean would the Pope make something like this up?
Maybe it was something the Pope himself had in mind? What was he doing in the 1970s?
According to Wikipedia, "He founded the theological journal Communio (which has) become a prominent journal of contemporary Catholic theological thought. He remained one of the journal's most prolific contributors. In 1976, he suggested that the Augsburg Confession might possibly be recognised as a Catholic statement of faith. This however did not happen due to differences in theology on justification."
Does this sound a lot like cricket news to you? It does to me. The Augsburg Confession. I am willing to BET that this has something to do with "throwing down the stumps".
Those Popes! Aren't they just a gas? But what about the XXs, VVs, and IIs after their names? Are they so unimaginative that they can't come up with new names without the cumbersome Roman numerals? Instead of Pope Benedict XVI, why not Pope Fred, or Pope Ralph?
Wait... we are talking about the priests, not the Pope. But "Pope Paul VI did cause considerable surprise when he suddenly denied rumors of "scandalous behavior".
Maybe the Devil made them do it?
Maybe you have an idea? Check out the '70s and let me know.
And Happy New Year!
Now, I can see the 1970s driving someone to drink; all you need to do is listen to My Ding A Ling a few times, and you will be hitting the gin very seriously indeed. But those were simple times and people had simpler tastes in music. I would also blame the song My Way, sung by Frank Sinatra, as a cause for almost any horrible thing: serial murder, whales beaching themselves, or global warming, just to name a few.
The lyrics of that song are so strained, you can almost feel the writer (Paul Anka) struggling with poetic constipation: "I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption"...
And then: "but through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out." (YUCK!)
And even worse.., "For what is a man, what has he got, if not himself, then he has naught".
Naught... when did you use THAT word last? When did ANYONE use it? 1920s? But that song was released in 1969, so we cannot blame the errant behavior of the priests on its pernicious influence.
(I do, however, believe in the death penalty for Paul Anka who wrote it.)
But pedophilia? I sort of remember the 1970s, and I don't remember huge waves of popular pedophilia sweeping the nation. But maybe I missed something.
What particular aspect of the '70s might it have been? The Pope would not make something like this up. And he does not strike me as the tongue in cheek sort. It had to be something.
The movie, "The Exorcist", came out in 1973. Could this have caused those priests to go over the edge?
There they were, worried that they didn't have the "right stuff" to chase away the devil, so they had no alternative but to go over to the "dark side" and molest children?
Seems unlikely, doesn't it?
Perhaps it was the waterbed which coupled with the new advances in women's reproductive rights lead to a sexual revolution?
There they were, surrounded by pictures of hot women such as Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Tiegs, and driven by lust, they had no alternative but to molest the young boys in their congregations.
No... maybe that is a little far fetched too. Why would they molest boys, after all?
What was it about the '70s that caused those poor priests to loose their moral compass and molest youngsters?
The personal computer!
Yes!
The advent of the personal computer in the 1970s must have been too much for them to handle, so they needed to escape the stress somehow and had to "handle" something else!
But no. The child porn sites and nun-porn sites were still a distant dream in the future.
What COULD it have been?! I mean... what would drive these priests to molest the people in their congregations? It had to be something bad; they would never ever do this on their own, for sure. Right? I mean would the Pope make something like this up?
Maybe it was something the Pope himself had in mind? What was he doing in the 1970s?
According to Wikipedia, "He founded the theological journal Communio (which has) become a prominent journal of contemporary Catholic theological thought. He remained one of the journal's most prolific contributors. In 1976, he suggested that the Augsburg Confession might possibly be recognised as a Catholic statement of faith. This however did not happen due to differences in theology on justification."
Does this sound a lot like cricket news to you? It does to me. The Augsburg Confession. I am willing to BET that this has something to do with "throwing down the stumps".
Those Popes! Aren't they just a gas? But what about the XXs, VVs, and IIs after their names? Are they so unimaginative that they can't come up with new names without the cumbersome Roman numerals? Instead of Pope Benedict XVI, why not Pope Fred, or Pope Ralph?
Wait... we are talking about the priests, not the Pope. But "Pope Paul VI did cause considerable surprise when he suddenly denied rumors of "scandalous behavior".
Maybe the Devil made them do it?
Maybe you have an idea? Check out the '70s and let me know.
And Happy New Year!
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