As everyone knows, according to the Mayan calendar and many other beliefs, the world will come to an end on December 21st of this year. Wouldn't you just know that the world would choose THAT day to end. It's my birthday! What this means is that I won't be getting any gifts, cake, or ANYthing at all. What a drag. But all self-centered whining aside, the end of the world is not likely to be a good present for anyone, even if your birthday happens to be at some other time of the year.
One thing that the Mayan calendar does not specifically tell us is just HOW the world will come to an end. Some say the magnetic poles will reverse; others insist that zombies will come and take over the planet. No one presents any convincing evidence that either of these admittedly likely phenomena will end the world as we know it.
New data has been released, however, that – thanks to a reader – has been brought to my attention and which suggests very clearly how the world will end.
In my last posting here, I talked about the weight problem that the United States is suffering from. We tend to think of this as just so much blubber, waddling through the shopping centers, but in fact it is much more dangerous than that.
According to the data recently released, while the United States accounts for only 6 percent of the world's population, it accounts for over 30% of the weight problem.
So what is wrong with that, you ask?
The world is a ball, so let us begin by examining basic ball dynamics. As any follower of baseball will tell you, the spitball was banned because of the effect it had on the flight of the ball. Adding some saliva or lubricant to one spot on the ball's surface causes it to rotate eccentrically, thus making it hard to hit.
If you look at a map, you will see that the United States occupies a relatively small part of the northern hemisphere. Increasing the weight in such a small area has the potential for throwing the whole planet off its normal rotation. We can call this the "Spitball Effect". The more weight Americans gain, the more likely it is that the Earth's smooth rotation will go wobbly on us. A small deviation from the norm might escalate on its own, causing the whole planet to spin out of control.
This is happening in the here and now, even as I write. As you can see from Chart 101 on this page, the number of earthquakes has been increasing year-by-year due to escalating wobble in our planet's rotation. By December, our planet may no longer be able to sustain its rotation, and all of us will be flung off into space.
The world will end not with a bang or a whimper but with a massive TILT.
Game over.
So, to all of my friends out there, if you wouldn't mind, could you give me the birthday presents and parties – say – on December 10th or so? Just to be safe? Thank you.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Our Big Fat Fuel Future
Before I get started here, I should say that I grew up in a foreign country and have missed out on a lot of popular culture in the US. Imagine my surprise then to discover that Beaver Cleaver was a child actor in a late 1950s comedy show and not a porn star!
Who could have guessed?
Anyway, according to the Center for Disease Control, 35.7% of Americans are obese. The news media is awash in articles and reports about how serious a health problem this presents to us as a nation and wrings its hands over what steps we can take to solve it.
It's easy to get sucked into this debate about health concerns, while ignoring the fact that there may be pluses to the growing waistlines of the American population. In an article last year, I promoted green energy through the mining of America's rich, untapped fuel-resource, fat.
There is no question that with rising gasoline prices and increasing dependence for oil on an unstable region of the world, this sort of forward-thinking is necessary to our future security and progress as a nation.
But that is not enough.
Scientists at Stanford University have developed a technique for turning fat into stem cells. Working with donated fat ("an abundant natural resource and a renewable one," according to surgeon Michael Longaker) scientists have used cutting-edge medical techniques to transform fat cells into stem cells. Stem cells are primitive cells which can be triggered to develop into any type of cell in the body. If your heart is failing, for example, in theory a stem-cell could be prodded into providing new heart muscle tissue which could be used to replace damaged parts of your heart, giving you a new lease on life. This means that the so-called moral issues of using embryonic stem cells from unused human embryos can be dodged. Moreover anyone can provide the "resources" for one's own stem-cell therapy, thereby avoiding tissue rejection problems.
Do you realize what this means?
As I explained in another article, the United States is collectively carrying around the total body weight of two Swedens in extra fat. While 5.28 billion pounds or 2.4 billion kilograms overweight may seem like a lot, in terms of total consumption, it doesn't go very far. The US daily consumption of oil is 18,690,000 barrels per day. Each barrel weighs in at 305 lbs (138.8 kg), so the total weight of oil consumed each day is around 5.7 billion lbs or 2.6 billion kilograms. Though I am not good at math, even I can tell that if we pumped all the fat that America has to spare, we would not have enough to cover even one day of our total oil consumption. People would be thinner, but houses would be cold; cars would run out of gas on the roads.
Clearly, simple extraction will not solve our fuel crisis or bring us closer to energy independence. If these fat-derived stem cells can be turned into any kind of human cell, it means that they can also be turned into more fat cells! Using this new breakthrough technology developed at Stanford University, we can use fat cells to grow more fat cells! According to the National Institutes of Health, one stem cell can be grown into millions – yes millions – of other cells which are themselves self-proliferating. If our total fat resources today can almost provide one day of oil consumption, having the ability to increase this amount by – say – even a thousand fold will insure that America can limit its reliance on fossil fuels, thereby reducing its carbon footprint with green energy, and finally achieving energy independence for a better tomorrow.
Who could have guessed?
Anyway, according to the Center for Disease Control, 35.7% of Americans are obese. The news media is awash in articles and reports about how serious a health problem this presents to us as a nation and wrings its hands over what steps we can take to solve it.
It's easy to get sucked into this debate about health concerns, while ignoring the fact that there may be pluses to the growing waistlines of the American population. In an article last year, I promoted green energy through the mining of America's rich, untapped fuel-resource, fat.
There is no question that with rising gasoline prices and increasing dependence for oil on an unstable region of the world, this sort of forward-thinking is necessary to our future security and progress as a nation.
But that is not enough.
Scientists at Stanford University have developed a technique for turning fat into stem cells. Working with donated fat ("an abundant natural resource and a renewable one," according to surgeon Michael Longaker) scientists have used cutting-edge medical techniques to transform fat cells into stem cells. Stem cells are primitive cells which can be triggered to develop into any type of cell in the body. If your heart is failing, for example, in theory a stem-cell could be prodded into providing new heart muscle tissue which could be used to replace damaged parts of your heart, giving you a new lease on life. This means that the so-called moral issues of using embryonic stem cells from unused human embryos can be dodged. Moreover anyone can provide the "resources" for one's own stem-cell therapy, thereby avoiding tissue rejection problems.
Do you realize what this means?
As I explained in another article, the United States is collectively carrying around the total body weight of two Swedens in extra fat. While 5.28 billion pounds or 2.4 billion kilograms overweight may seem like a lot, in terms of total consumption, it doesn't go very far. The US daily consumption of oil is 18,690,000 barrels per day. Each barrel weighs in at 305 lbs (138.8 kg), so the total weight of oil consumed each day is around 5.7 billion lbs or 2.6 billion kilograms. Though I am not good at math, even I can tell that if we pumped all the fat that America has to spare, we would not have enough to cover even one day of our total oil consumption. People would be thinner, but houses would be cold; cars would run out of gas on the roads.
Clearly, simple extraction will not solve our fuel crisis or bring us closer to energy independence. If these fat-derived stem cells can be turned into any kind of human cell, it means that they can also be turned into more fat cells! Using this new breakthrough technology developed at Stanford University, we can use fat cells to grow more fat cells! According to the National Institutes of Health, one stem cell can be grown into millions – yes millions – of other cells which are themselves self-proliferating. If our total fat resources today can almost provide one day of oil consumption, having the ability to increase this amount by – say – even a thousand fold will insure that America can limit its reliance on fossil fuels, thereby reducing its carbon footprint with green energy, and finally achieving energy independence for a better tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Quantum Zen
One thing that is absolutely essential for us seniors is to keep our brains active and engaged. The drooly nodding off in the easy chair after ingesting an enormous dinner is not only bad for your waistline but also does not do your brain much good either. Like our muscles, the brain needs a workout and the more energetic the better.
Anyone can make words with scrabble tiles or sit soporific in front of the TV, doing a jigsaw puzzle, but these are simply not going to keep your mind young and involved in the day-to-day hurly-burly around you.
So what SHOULD you direct the beams of your mental processes at these days?
Politics? No. This is even worse for your health than consuming a whole bag of marshmallows.
Art? Let's face it. If art were so great, the famous painters would not all be dead now, would they.
No. The sophisticated buzz these days is quantum physics! It's totally new, however, and like anything new – the remote control, for example – we seniors often have trouble getting our heads around it.
So today, I will explain quantum physics for you in an easy-to-understand, casual style for the layman.
First of all, I am sure you are asking, what exactly does "quantum" mean. This is an excellent question and shows that you are taking the first steps to engaging your brain in higher activity. In fact, there is some debate about the meaning of the word. Some have said that it is the name of a famous Native American tribal leader who posited that things could be both here and there at the same time.
Obviously this is confusing and while his idea was correct, it has come to light that he was eating WAY too much peyote, and since that is illegal, there is no way an important branch of physics would be named after him.
Actually, the word "quantum" (I am not making this up) is Latin for "how much". So if quantum physics helps us develop time machines, and you are transported back to ancient Rome, you already know an important tourist question!
"Quantum for this slave girl?"
So why are we asking "how much" about physics?
This is a question that has puzzled scientists for eons and it is only recently that answers are being revealed. You see, while "quantum" is Latin, "physics" finds its origins in Greek!
In ancient times scientists would go to a Roman store and ask "how much" for the physics, but the poor store keeper could only understand the "how much" part.
Scenario
Scientist: How much for physics.
Store Keeper: You wan slave girl?
Scientist: How much for physics?!
Store Keeper: Yes! Yes! We have... you musta come arounde in back!
Scientist (getting frustrated and shouting): Physics! Physics!
Store Keeper: I donno whata you wan!
And so on.
Nowadays however, scientists understand the two expressions better and realize the depths of their relationship.
Which brings us to the meat of this discussion. (Scientists think that the "meat" is the most important part.)
Scientists have come to understand that very tiny particles behave in very strange ways. One interesting point of quantum physics is called Schrödinger's cat which is basically that nothing happens until someone observes it. If nobody hears the tree falling in the forest, does it make a sound? The answer is no. It doesn't do ANYTHING until someone observes it.
What does Schrödinger's cat have to do with this? As any cat "owner" will tell you, cats have their own ideas about rules. You can tell them not to jump up onto the counter and lick the butter, but they might or might not listen to your admonition. So you cannot know whether they are jumping up and licking the butter in a closed room unless you watch them do it or see the results, disgusting track marks all over the butter.
All of this is confusing, and it is that experience that will strengthen your brain muscle – staying up at night and worrying about your cat or the sound of the tree falling in the forest. In fact, if you can imagine the sound of one hand clapping, you are well on your way to understanding quantum physics. Let that thought percolate through your head for one hour a day and your brain will be well exercised, keeping it vigorous and healthy.
Anyone can make words with scrabble tiles or sit soporific in front of the TV, doing a jigsaw puzzle, but these are simply not going to keep your mind young and involved in the day-to-day hurly-burly around you.
So what SHOULD you direct the beams of your mental processes at these days?
Politics? No. This is even worse for your health than consuming a whole bag of marshmallows.
Art? Let's face it. If art were so great, the famous painters would not all be dead now, would they.
No. The sophisticated buzz these days is quantum physics! It's totally new, however, and like anything new – the remote control, for example – we seniors often have trouble getting our heads around it.
So today, I will explain quantum physics for you in an easy-to-understand, casual style for the layman.
First of all, I am sure you are asking, what exactly does "quantum" mean. This is an excellent question and shows that you are taking the first steps to engaging your brain in higher activity. In fact, there is some debate about the meaning of the word. Some have said that it is the name of a famous Native American tribal leader who posited that things could be both here and there at the same time.
Obviously this is confusing and while his idea was correct, it has come to light that he was eating WAY too much peyote, and since that is illegal, there is no way an important branch of physics would be named after him.
Actually, the word "quantum" (I am not making this up) is Latin for "how much". So if quantum physics helps us develop time machines, and you are transported back to ancient Rome, you already know an important tourist question!
"Quantum for this slave girl?"
So why are we asking "how much" about physics?
This is a question that has puzzled scientists for eons and it is only recently that answers are being revealed. You see, while "quantum" is Latin, "physics" finds its origins in Greek!
In ancient times scientists would go to a Roman store and ask "how much" for the physics, but the poor store keeper could only understand the "how much" part.
Scenario
Scientist: How much for physics.
Store Keeper: You wan slave girl?
Scientist: How much for physics?!
Store Keeper: Yes! Yes! We have... you musta come arounde in back!
Scientist (getting frustrated and shouting): Physics! Physics!
Store Keeper: I donno whata you wan!
And so on.
Nowadays however, scientists understand the two expressions better and realize the depths of their relationship.
Which brings us to the meat of this discussion. (Scientists think that the "meat" is the most important part.)
Scientists have come to understand that very tiny particles behave in very strange ways. One interesting point of quantum physics is called Schrödinger's cat which is basically that nothing happens until someone observes it. If nobody hears the tree falling in the forest, does it make a sound? The answer is no. It doesn't do ANYTHING until someone observes it.
What does Schrödinger's cat have to do with this? As any cat "owner" will tell you, cats have their own ideas about rules. You can tell them not to jump up onto the counter and lick the butter, but they might or might not listen to your admonition. So you cannot know whether they are jumping up and licking the butter in a closed room unless you watch them do it or see the results, disgusting track marks all over the butter.
All of this is confusing, and it is that experience that will strengthen your brain muscle – staying up at night and worrying about your cat or the sound of the tree falling in the forest. In fact, if you can imagine the sound of one hand clapping, you are well on your way to understanding quantum physics. Let that thought percolate through your head for one hour a day and your brain will be well exercised, keeping it vigorous and healthy.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Evolyrics
Normally when I run out of stuff to write about, I would rant on and on about how dumb Republicans or members of the religious right are, but today I want to talk about something even more important, Evolution.
No, not evolution of the species, evolution in pop culture.
It may be my imagination, but doesn't it seem like modern "music" lyrics have really gone downhill over the past 50 years or so?
Take hip hop music with its rap sounds. I am sure you have heard them, blasting from cars that slowly cruise down the streets with their windows puffing in and out with the base tones.
Drake and Lil Wayne released their popular hit "Gonorrhea" in 2010. You can tell by the title that the lyrics are going to be a major contribution to world culture.
Drake raps,
"Big Mo, Big Red, two cups made of styrofoam
big cheese big bread call that sh-t a calzone
I will break your f-cking collar bone"
To which Lil Wayne responds in part,
"uh, you keep talkin’ that sh-t I’mma see ya
kill ya senorita and and f-ck ya mama mia!"
Call me old fashioned, but what ARE they talking about? Now back in MY day, the musicians really had a way with words!
Who could forget the Beach Boys and their big hit release in 1964, Papa Oom Mow Mow (listen from 1:30)? Sample lyrics:
"Papa-papa-hoooo
(A papa-oom-mow-mow a papa-oom-mow-mow)
Papa-papa-papa-hoooo
(A papa-oom-mow-mow a papa-oom-mow-mow)
Doot doot doot"
I am telling you, they just do not write lyrics like that anymore.
Even as late as 1975, musicians like KC & The Sunshine Band were writing moving songs with compelling poetry, such as, "That's the Way I Like It" (you can sing along!).
Lyrics that have a way of staying with you over the ages:
"That's the way
uh huh uh huh
I like it
uh huh uh huh.
That's the way
uh huh uh huh
I like it
uh huh uh huh."
Let's be honest here, even Shakespeare could not have come up with lyrics like those!
But I digress; what we want to talk about is evolution, right? The evolution of romantic lyrics is what I specifically had in mind.
In 1963, The Beatles released their big hit, "I Want to Hold Your Hand". How touching! A whole song about wanting to hold his girlfriend's hand!
It wasn't long, however, until Tommy James and the Shondells pushed the romantic envelope with "Hanky Panky" in 1966.
"My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky"
It leaves a little less to the imagination than what might happen after holding hands with the Beatles. But still, "hanky panky" could be something like serious flirting or even petting; there is some room for interpretation. Naturally the lyricists evolved until by 2006, Akon and Snoop Dogg laid it ALL on the table with their big hit, "I wanna f**k you". Absolutely no question there about the romantic intent! Holding hands is for wusses.
A lot of deeply disturbed people don't believe in evolution and complain that there is no evidence to support the view that evolution exists, but clearly they will have to admit that in popular culture at least, things is moving along!
No, not evolution of the species, evolution in pop culture.
It may be my imagination, but doesn't it seem like modern "music" lyrics have really gone downhill over the past 50 years or so?
Take hip hop music with its rap sounds. I am sure you have heard them, blasting from cars that slowly cruise down the streets with their windows puffing in and out with the base tones.
Drake and Lil Wayne released their popular hit "Gonorrhea" in 2010. You can tell by the title that the lyrics are going to be a major contribution to world culture.
Drake raps,
"Big Mo, Big Red, two cups made of styrofoam
big cheese big bread call that sh-t a calzone
I will break your f-cking collar bone"
To which Lil Wayne responds in part,
"uh, you keep talkin’ that sh-t I’mma see ya
kill ya senorita and and f-ck ya mama mia!"
Call me old fashioned, but what ARE they talking about? Now back in MY day, the musicians really had a way with words!
Who could forget the Beach Boys and their big hit release in 1964, Papa Oom Mow Mow (listen from 1:30)? Sample lyrics:
"Papa-papa-hoooo
(A papa-oom-mow-mow a papa-oom-mow-mow)
Papa-papa-papa-hoooo
(A papa-oom-mow-mow a papa-oom-mow-mow)
Doot doot doot"
I am telling you, they just do not write lyrics like that anymore.
Even as late as 1975, musicians like KC & The Sunshine Band were writing moving songs with compelling poetry, such as, "That's the Way I Like It" (you can sing along!).
Lyrics that have a way of staying with you over the ages:
"That's the way
uh huh uh huh
I like it
uh huh uh huh.
That's the way
uh huh uh huh
I like it
uh huh uh huh."
Let's be honest here, even Shakespeare could not have come up with lyrics like those!
But I digress; what we want to talk about is evolution, right? The evolution of romantic lyrics is what I specifically had in mind.
In 1963, The Beatles released their big hit, "I Want to Hold Your Hand". How touching! A whole song about wanting to hold his girlfriend's hand!
It wasn't long, however, until Tommy James and the Shondells pushed the romantic envelope with "Hanky Panky" in 1966.
"My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky
My baby does the hanky panky"
It leaves a little less to the imagination than what might happen after holding hands with the Beatles. But still, "hanky panky" could be something like serious flirting or even petting; there is some room for interpretation. Naturally the lyricists evolved until by 2006, Akon and Snoop Dogg laid it ALL on the table with their big hit, "I wanna f**k you". Absolutely no question there about the romantic intent! Holding hands is for wusses.
A lot of deeply disturbed people don't believe in evolution and complain that there is no evidence to support the view that evolution exists, but clearly they will have to admit that in popular culture at least, things is moving along!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Voice Activate Your Memory Chips
In previous posts, I have tried hard to provide advice for seniors, "life hints" that will help us to overcome some of the debilitating effects of growing old, like forgetting our car keys in the freezer (it really kills the little button battery in the car-key remote).
Although we all have our physical aches and pains, nothing worries us more than losing our mental acumen. Being paralyzed from the neck down is a terrible thing indeed, but being paralyzed from the neck up is potentially even worse.
"What tricks do you have to help us avoid these common pitfalls in our daily lives," you ask?
Thank you for asking that question, because if you had not, I would probably not have anything to write about today.
Inevitably you will forget where you have left something – the keys in the freezer, your car in the mall parking lot, your spouse at the shopping center – and spend a lot of time even trying to remember WHAT it was you forgot, not to mention WHERE it was that you forgot it.
Thankfully, once again, science has come to our rescue and not a moment too soon! Research shows that by talking to yourself, you can actually help to improve your short-term memory. Scientists at the University of Wisconsin divided people into two groups and had some of them "talk to themselves" while the others did not.
These are not random conversations with yourself that we are talking about here.
The scientific research does not suggest that it will help you to blabber vitriolically to yourself about how you want to wring the neck of the dog next door who pees all over your garden and kills your roses!
No, this is strictly a strategy for helping you to find lost items. The group that wandered around repeating the name of the thing they were looking for was faster in retrieving that item than the group who searched in silence.
Leaving aside the question of how old the members of these groups were (if they were seniors, the silent group could have forgotten what they were looking for), the "talkative" group showed a marked difference in how quickly they were able to find the things they were hunting. The items were especially easy to find for this group if they were "characteristically colored". "Items like bananas, grapes and Cheerios had stronger associations with the chitchat than those with less specific colors, like Jell-O and Pop-Tarts*."
So to tie things together here into some cogent advice for seniors, there are a couple of important things you can do to make finding things in your life easier.
1. Say the name of the item aloud as you look for it. So as you shuffle up and down the rows of cars at the mall, repeat out loud to yourself, "Car... car... car... car...." This will help you to find it, hopefully before someone calls an emergency medical team.
2. Make sure that all the things you tend to misplace have "characteristic colors". This means that you want to get your husband to wear loud Hawaiian shirts and paisley, polyester pants (Maybe THAT is why a lot of seniors wear loud clothes; they instinctively understand this psychological principle.) When you potter through the shopping center saying, "John... John... John... John...," the "characteristic colors" will form a nagging image in your mind. Ignore helpful bystanders who point you to the restroom.
I hope these suggestions will improve your daily life and make it easier for you to live out your silver years without losing things so frequently.
Now... what was I looking for before I started this article? Oh yes... wine... wine... wine... wine....
- - - - - - - - - -
*Further research might reveal that this technique could also be an aid to dieting, since the unhealthy food items mentioned, Jell-O and Pop-Tarts were harder to find.
Although we all have our physical aches and pains, nothing worries us more than losing our mental acumen. Being paralyzed from the neck down is a terrible thing indeed, but being paralyzed from the neck up is potentially even worse.
"What tricks do you have to help us avoid these common pitfalls in our daily lives," you ask?
Thank you for asking that question, because if you had not, I would probably not have anything to write about today.
Inevitably you will forget where you have left something – the keys in the freezer, your car in the mall parking lot, your spouse at the shopping center – and spend a lot of time even trying to remember WHAT it was you forgot, not to mention WHERE it was that you forgot it.
Thankfully, once again, science has come to our rescue and not a moment too soon! Research shows that by talking to yourself, you can actually help to improve your short-term memory. Scientists at the University of Wisconsin divided people into two groups and had some of them "talk to themselves" while the others did not.
These are not random conversations with yourself that we are talking about here.
The scientific research does not suggest that it will help you to blabber vitriolically to yourself about how you want to wring the neck of the dog next door who pees all over your garden and kills your roses!
No, this is strictly a strategy for helping you to find lost items. The group that wandered around repeating the name of the thing they were looking for was faster in retrieving that item than the group who searched in silence.
Leaving aside the question of how old the members of these groups were (if they were seniors, the silent group could have forgotten what they were looking for), the "talkative" group showed a marked difference in how quickly they were able to find the things they were hunting. The items were especially easy to find for this group if they were "characteristically colored". "Items like bananas, grapes and Cheerios had stronger associations with the chitchat than those with less specific colors, like Jell-O and Pop-Tarts*."
So to tie things together here into some cogent advice for seniors, there are a couple of important things you can do to make finding things in your life easier.
1. Say the name of the item aloud as you look for it. So as you shuffle up and down the rows of cars at the mall, repeat out loud to yourself, "Car... car... car... car...." This will help you to find it, hopefully before someone calls an emergency medical team.
2. Make sure that all the things you tend to misplace have "characteristic colors". This means that you want to get your husband to wear loud Hawaiian shirts and paisley, polyester pants (Maybe THAT is why a lot of seniors wear loud clothes; they instinctively understand this psychological principle.) When you potter through the shopping center saying, "John... John... John... John...," the "characteristic colors" will form a nagging image in your mind. Ignore helpful bystanders who point you to the restroom.
I hope these suggestions will improve your daily life and make it easier for you to live out your silver years without losing things so frequently.
Now... what was I looking for before I started this article? Oh yes... wine... wine... wine... wine....
- - - - - - - - - -
*Further research might reveal that this technique could also be an aid to dieting, since the unhealthy food items mentioned, Jell-O and Pop-Tarts were harder to find.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Dieting Made Easy
Before I get started, let me say that the movie "Free Willy" was not a documentary about Bill Clinton.
Just thought you would like to know.
But what I really wanted to talk about today is how we senior folks can keep healthy and lose weight. There are many advice columns out there, of course, but most focus on those things that we already know about: you know, the common stuff, like not eating or drinking too much. They often tell you how to be "as young as you feel" by getting enough roughage in your diet. This usually means a daily dose of something that has several pounds of sawdust suspended in it. You get the picture.
My father (a doctor) used to tell a joke about dieting.
An obese patient slumps dejectedly in his physician's office, listening to the doctor sternly tell him that he must cut out all between-meal snacks, eliminate his favorite desserts, stop drinking so much beer, and eat more vegetables and less steak. He should also go out and exercise at least three times a week.
The patient asks plaintively, "Doctor, if I do all these things, will I live longer?"
To which the doctor replies, "Probably not, but it will SEEM longer."
In fact, not all of us can avoid eating and drinking too much, and as we age it becomes harder and harder to keep the blubber from sticking to places where we would really rather not see it accumulate. Dying of heart disease or stroke is one thing, but getting harpooned by Japanese research whalers at the beach is quite another matter altogether.
So what can we do to make sure that the five-burrito meal (with refried beans AND rice) we have just devoured doesn't attach itself like parasitic jellyfish to our thighs? A lot of advice columnists will suggest things like, going out and walking 50 kilometers, or drinking 20 liters of water to flush it all from your system. Thanks a lot! Who really wants to do THAT?!
Ever helpful science brings us a better answer: sleep it off.
Yes! Finally a solution we can live with. No more difficult dieting or painful sacrifice. All you need to do is make sure that you get a good night's sleep every night and your body will AUTOMATICALLY self-tune itself to keep you slim.
But what IS a "good night's sleep", you ask?
Science provides an answer for that too (thank you science)!
Fasting (although it will SEEM slow) for 16 hours between dinner and breakfast has been shown to result in dramatic weight loss. So clearly you need to sleep about 16 hours a day, like a cat. And don't use an alarm clock to disturb that all-important dieting sleep! Using alarm clocks disrupts your natural body rhythms – a kind of "social jet lag" – and will cause you to put on an extra layer of insulating blubber as a protection against those pesky social demands, like work.
I am sure you are already asking, "How can I take advantage of these new breakthroughs in scientific discovery and start losing weight right NOW?"
The scientific evidence, however, is hard to understand for laymen like yourself, so let me outline a typical day for you. In this way you can get a clearer picture of what science is advising you to do to shed that extra lard.
Get up around 7:30 am every morning without using an alarm clock.
Eat your breakfast at 8:00. You can have anything you want! Science tells us that coffee will make you live longer, so why not include a couple of cups of java with your bacon, eggs, hash browns and biscuits with gravy? Might as well have those waffles too.
Eat lunch at 11:00. You will be hungry by then anyway, since a full 3 hours will have passed since breakfast.
Eat dinner at 2:30 PM. Go ahead, don't be shy! Enjoy that steak and those mashed potatoes. Don't cut back on the desserts either, because you will be using the new scientific method for losing calories in just one hour by going to sleep!
Go to bed around 3:15 but make sure you fall asleep by 3:30, so that you can get your full 16 hours in, before waking up at 7:30 the next morning!
Using this easy-to-follow regimen will allow anyone to lose weight the scientific way and bring out a more youthful and active you.
Just thought you would like to know.
But what I really wanted to talk about today is how we senior folks can keep healthy and lose weight. There are many advice columns out there, of course, but most focus on those things that we already know about: you know, the common stuff, like not eating or drinking too much. They often tell you how to be "as young as you feel" by getting enough roughage in your diet. This usually means a daily dose of something that has several pounds of sawdust suspended in it. You get the picture.
My father (a doctor) used to tell a joke about dieting.
An obese patient slumps dejectedly in his physician's office, listening to the doctor sternly tell him that he must cut out all between-meal snacks, eliminate his favorite desserts, stop drinking so much beer, and eat more vegetables and less steak. He should also go out and exercise at least three times a week.
The patient asks plaintively, "Doctor, if I do all these things, will I live longer?"
To which the doctor replies, "Probably not, but it will SEEM longer."
In fact, not all of us can avoid eating and drinking too much, and as we age it becomes harder and harder to keep the blubber from sticking to places where we would really rather not see it accumulate. Dying of heart disease or stroke is one thing, but getting harpooned by Japanese research whalers at the beach is quite another matter altogether.
So what can we do to make sure that the five-burrito meal (with refried beans AND rice) we have just devoured doesn't attach itself like parasitic jellyfish to our thighs? A lot of advice columnists will suggest things like, going out and walking 50 kilometers, or drinking 20 liters of water to flush it all from your system. Thanks a lot! Who really wants to do THAT?!
Ever helpful science brings us a better answer: sleep it off.
Yes! Finally a solution we can live with. No more difficult dieting or painful sacrifice. All you need to do is make sure that you get a good night's sleep every night and your body will AUTOMATICALLY self-tune itself to keep you slim.
But what IS a "good night's sleep", you ask?
Science provides an answer for that too (thank you science)!
Fasting (although it will SEEM slow) for 16 hours between dinner and breakfast has been shown to result in dramatic weight loss. So clearly you need to sleep about 16 hours a day, like a cat. And don't use an alarm clock to disturb that all-important dieting sleep! Using alarm clocks disrupts your natural body rhythms – a kind of "social jet lag" – and will cause you to put on an extra layer of insulating blubber as a protection against those pesky social demands, like work.
I am sure you are already asking, "How can I take advantage of these new breakthroughs in scientific discovery and start losing weight right NOW?"
The scientific evidence, however, is hard to understand for laymen like yourself, so let me outline a typical day for you. In this way you can get a clearer picture of what science is advising you to do to shed that extra lard.
Get up around 7:30 am every morning without using an alarm clock.
Eat your breakfast at 8:00. You can have anything you want! Science tells us that coffee will make you live longer, so why not include a couple of cups of java with your bacon, eggs, hash browns and biscuits with gravy? Might as well have those waffles too.
Eat lunch at 11:00. You will be hungry by then anyway, since a full 3 hours will have passed since breakfast.
Eat dinner at 2:30 PM. Go ahead, don't be shy! Enjoy that steak and those mashed potatoes. Don't cut back on the desserts either, because you will be using the new scientific method for losing calories in just one hour by going to sleep!
Go to bed around 3:15 but make sure you fall asleep by 3:30, so that you can get your full 16 hours in, before waking up at 7:30 the next morning!
Using this easy-to-follow regimen will allow anyone to lose weight the scientific way and bring out a more youthful and active you.
Monday, May 14, 2012
The Poppy Purchase Solution
It is a well-known fact that insurgent operations in Afghanistan are subsidized by the opium trade. Even the Taliban which suppressed opium agriculture during its reign in the country is now feeding off its production, buying weapons and recruiting soldiers with the enormous flow of funds.
So how much money are we talking about here?
Best estimates place the total annual value of Afghan opium production in the $4 billion range of which only about 25% goes to the farmers who raise the offending poppies.
US efforts to eradicate opium production have not been successful nor have policing measures, trying to interdict traffic or arrest major traffickers. The Afghan government has not been willing to take measures to stop opium cultivation since so many farmers depend on it for their livelihoods. Replacing the lucrative poppy trade with saffron or other crops has also seen a less than stellar performance. Traffickers are withholding supplies to keep the price high – this fact proven by the fact that legal opium for morphine and other drugs costs much less than its illegal counterpart which is sold as heroin in the developed world.
What should be done?
It's very simple. The US should buy up all the opium in Afghanistan.
The war costs the United States over 40 billion dollars a year. An additional $1 billion to buy opium directly from the farmers (25% of the total annual value) would probably pay for itself in reduced supplies of money to insurgent forces and thus a reduced combat level in the country. Establishing economic links to poor Afghan farmers who account for about 70% of the population would also undercut Taliban recruitment efforts and give the farmers a stake in a successful UN mission. Illegal dealers would not be able to offer higher prices to the farmers, since they are already withholding supplies to keep the international price high, and in any case there is no way they could outbid the US which should be willing to go as high as $4 billion a year, still a pittance relative to the costs of waging war there.
The US could then destroy the product it received from the farmers and with their newly established contacts, slowly wean them away from opium production and into something less destructive internationally, such as hashish or how about llamas which are also very cute.
In this way the US and its allies could slowly win over the population, undercutting the insurgency's access both to weapons and to recruits, and buy its way out of a difficult and interminable war.
So how much money are we talking about here?
Best estimates place the total annual value of Afghan opium production in the $4 billion range of which only about 25% goes to the farmers who raise the offending poppies.
US efforts to eradicate opium production have not been successful nor have policing measures, trying to interdict traffic or arrest major traffickers. The Afghan government has not been willing to take measures to stop opium cultivation since so many farmers depend on it for their livelihoods. Replacing the lucrative poppy trade with saffron or other crops has also seen a less than stellar performance. Traffickers are withholding supplies to keep the price high – this fact proven by the fact that legal opium for morphine and other drugs costs much less than its illegal counterpart which is sold as heroin in the developed world.
What should be done?
It's very simple. The US should buy up all the opium in Afghanistan.
The war costs the United States over 40 billion dollars a year. An additional $1 billion to buy opium directly from the farmers (25% of the total annual value) would probably pay for itself in reduced supplies of money to insurgent forces and thus a reduced combat level in the country. Establishing economic links to poor Afghan farmers who account for about 70% of the population would also undercut Taliban recruitment efforts and give the farmers a stake in a successful UN mission. Illegal dealers would not be able to offer higher prices to the farmers, since they are already withholding supplies to keep the international price high, and in any case there is no way they could outbid the US which should be willing to go as high as $4 billion a year, still a pittance relative to the costs of waging war there.
The US could then destroy the product it received from the farmers and with their newly established contacts, slowly wean them away from opium production and into something less destructive internationally, such as hashish or how about llamas which are also very cute.
In this way the US and its allies could slowly win over the population, undercutting the insurgency's access both to weapons and to recruits, and buy its way out of a difficult and interminable war.
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