Energy Independence

Sometimes it is necessary to write a serious article now and then, so people don't think this writer is shallow and lacking in complex thought. Today is one of those times.
Lately with the nuclear power plant problem in Japan and unnerving discoveries about US nuclear plants, as well as concerns in Germany, the world has never been more acutely aware of the precariousness of our energy supply. Oil is running out; coal is dirty; wind and solar power are a long way from replacing even a small part of our energy demands.
What are we to do?
Liposuction.
That's right, liposuction! In an earlier post (which you can read here), I calculated how much overweight the United States is. The math proved that the US is packing the equivalent of four whole Swedens on its collective physique.
That's a lot of Swedes.
It's also a lot of blubber, and as all of you know, blubber has historically been converted to oil. The early days of the Industrial Revolution depended on whale oil to keep the factories running smoothly.
This blubber has also been successfully converted into a biofuel and used to run a car. Not only that, but a boat running on this fuel is attempting to break the round-the-world speed record.
The United States with its large reserves of blubber should take the lead in exploiting this new and hither-to-fore untapped resource and open liposuction clinics across the country. As the world's standard of living increases, the same resources will develop in other countries as well, and they too can take advantage of this new supply of fuel.
The best news of all is that the liposuction fuel reserves will not be depleted! Blubber that has been removed by liposuction does not STAY removed but returns to another part of the body where it can be mined again!
With this vast, new, wholly untapped, natural and green resource, we can finally achieve energy independence, breaking oil's stranglehold on our economy and our difficult political ties to certain oil producing nations.