The Japanese World Cup Soccer Team

After promises by Head Coach Okada to make it to the final 8, the Japanese World Cup soccer team once again came up short of expectations. Time was that Japan's players being naturally smaller and lighter than the heavy-weights from Germany and Brazil had a built-in excuse for their lack of success. But nowadays with two goal keepers and a couple of other players over 182 cm (6 ft) tall, the disadvantage in height around the goal box has been lessened. Deficits in weight and muscle have been compensated for by a fast-paced, run-'em-into-the-ground "Japanese style" of play.
So what's missing?
Cat poop.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Cat poop is what the Japanese team lacks in its quest for World Cup glory. You see, cat poop contains a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii. This parasite lodges in the brains of its victims and can cause changes in animal – including human – behavior. Most interesting is the apparent connection between rates of toxoplasmosis infection and soccer performance. Let me quote Slate Magazine where I first stumbled upon this information.

"Rank the top 25 FIFA team countries by Toxo rate and you get, in order from the top: Brazil (67 percent), Argentina (52 percent), France (45 percent), Spain (44 percent), and Germany (43 percent). Collectively, these are the teams responsible for eight of the last 10 World Cup overall winners. Spain, the only one of the group never to have won a cup, is no subpar outlier—the Spaniards have the most World Cup victories of any perpetual runner-up." (Posted Thursday, July 1, 2010, at 7:26 PM ET)

And who won the World Cup this year? Spain! Clearly infection with toxoplasmosis is the route to World Cup success.
So how does this infection take place? While toxoplasma gondii can be found in many places, cat poo is one of the best sources of the parasite. The Japanese players are simply not getting enough cat poo in their lives to turn them into the rip-snorting competitors they need to be to win consistently on the world stage.
What can be done?
Obviously the best procedure would be to serve cat poo at the team's training table, but since the "poo bento" might not go down well with the players, another approach has to be considered. Despite the team's nickname of "Samurai Blue", the sacrifices expected of samurai of old cannot be expected of the modern generation.
I remember that when my wife was pregnant, we read that the risk of toxoplasmosis to the unborn was very high. This meant that I was relegated to the task of kitty litter box cleaning for the entire 9 months (at least). While this additional chore did not turn ME into a soccer champ, it might well have protected our son from brain damage or potential blindness.
So my solution is for Japanese National Team members each to be given a cat to take care of. They should be asked to routinely clean the litter boxes as part of their training. Another tactic to make this therapy more acceptable would be to send out an appeal for donations of used kitty litter from around the country and use this material as a soccer pitch covering. The running around, tackling, and rolling in the used kitty litter surface would undoubtedly provide that all-important exposure to the toxoplasma parasite.
Introducing this regimen at the national team level, however, might be too late. To assure a steady supply of infected athletes, used kitty litter should be the surface of choice for all J-League venues as well as on public school playgrounds around the nation. (An added benefit to this policy would be the recycling of used kitty litter and removing it from precious landfill areas.)
Within as few as 10 years, toxoplasmosis infection rates would reach the lofty heights of the Brazilians and other world leaders, and then Japan too would be confidently taking its well-earned place on the World Cup podium, raising the coveted trophy to the stands of admiring spectators.