It's not all fun and games here.
Often we have undertaken to solve some of the pressing problems of the day by force of sheer intellectual power. Remember the Senkaku Island dispute? Yep, we came up with an ingenious solution that – somehow – the parties involved are ignoring; there is no accounting for obstinate ignorance. Or how about solving some of our desperate energy predicaments? Yes indeedy! We have been right on top of that too with win-win solutions that save the day.
So to continue that serious intent and not just waste your time with more silliness, today we would like to discuss the problem of global warming that I am sure you have heard about.
First, scientists always tell you... well, actually a lot of other people also tell you – like my teachers in high school who hated me (but that's a different story) – that you need to "define your terms".
They say, "Before we can have a meaningful discussion about this topic, you need to "define your terms" so that we know we are talking about the same thing, on the same page, so to speak. Or they would write (like on one of my term papers that I spent all morning writing!), "You did not define your terms adequately, so your conclusions are nonsense! Attila the Hun being 'hungry' did not lead to the establishment of the country, Hungary."
So what are the terms we need to define in this case? Clearly "global" is one of them. Let's go ahead and define that right here.
global (adj.): referring to globe or globes (like duh?)
Clearly this definition is not adequate to "define our terms" in a way that would have been acceptable to – say – Prof. T in college who I hope has "gone on to his reward in heaven".
(Gone on to (someone's) reward in heaven (v): died)
So let's define "globe" next.
globe (n): a spherical or rounded object.
OK now we are getting somewhere.
Next we need to define "warming".
warming (n): experiencing increasing temperature
So bringing our defining of terms together, we can understand that "global warming" means that spherical or rounded objects are increasing in temperature!
That was easy, wasn't it. It makes you feel good when you do things in a scientific way, knowing that you are on your way to making iron-clad arguments.
(I don't know why the arguments are iron-clad, but if we define our terms, I am sure we can analyze it in a very scientific manner.)
The next step is to look at the terms as defined and try to figure out exactly why this poses a problem. Some spherical or rounded objects – basketballs, for example – can overinflate if they experience too much warming, so we should take steps to keep them in a cool place, maybe out of the sun.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as cupcakes, will melt the icing you put on them if they are warm, so you should take them out of the oven and let them cool BEFORE you try to frost them.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as marbles, do not seem to be affected by warming at all, so we cannot identify any specific problem that needs to be solved in a scientific way with them.
- - - - - excuse me, someone is telling me something....
Apparently, the spherical or rounded object in "global warming" that everyone is referring to is the Earth! Who could have guessed that? Someone out there is clearly not "defining terms" adequately and would also get an F from Prof. T.
So the whole Earth is warming. OK. This is not an insurmountable problem. We simply need to find an analogy in more local terms (think locally, act globally) to help us understand how we can deal with the larger problem.
We mentioned basketballs earlier. Hopefully you still remember that. What was the solution to the basketballs being overly warm and getting overinflated?
Yes, you are right. We need to keep them in a cool place out of the sun.
What can we do about the Earth getting overheated? Same thing! We need to keep it out of the sun.
What do you do when YOU want to keep out of the sun?
You go indoors.
OK, this is not an acceptable solution. What else do you do?
You carry an umbrella.
Now we are getting somewhere!
We need to make a big umbrella that can be launched into space to shield our planet from the sun's rays. This umbrella cannot shadow the Earth all the time, as we need some sun for growing crops, keeping our weather moving, and getting suntans to look good on the beach. But it could be put into an orbit that would shadow the earth – say – an hour or so a day during daylight hours, reducing the sun's heat hitting the earth by 10%. This would immediately have a cooling effect on our planet, and we could go on using fossil fuels and increasing global warming gases in the atmosphere with impunity. If it got warmer again, we could simply shoot up another bumbershoot.
I hope you have learned something about the scientific approach to problem solving today. There are too many people out there who simply refuse to recognize that science can provide answers to problems and instead rely on outdated techniques such as prayer or rain dances.
- - - - - - - - - -
I thought I was the first to come up with the umbrella solution, but apparently not. There are other deep thinkers out there who have also hit upon this same solution! Another idea they have is to paint large areas of the planet white (think Australia) to reflect the sun's rays and keep the planet cool.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
When a Cat Goes Wrong
Hello everyone and welcome to our show: Your Pet, Your Life.
We all do what we can to make sure our pets are happy and healthy. We pay for their medical check-ups and vaccinations. We buy the best food. We entertain them with toys and exercise. But despite our very best efforts, sometimes the pet diverges from the straight and narrow, goes rogue and becomes a delinquent pet.
Today we will explore these issues of pet psychology with our guest, well-known cat psychologist, Dr. Gato Pussi.
Pterosaurish: Welcome to the program Dr. Pussi. We are all interested in hearing what you have to say about how owners can best prevent their pets from developing serious psychological disorders.
Dr. Pussi: Thank you so much. Frankly, a lot of a pet's psychological well-being depends on its owners.
Let's start today by picking up a typical example of what can go wrong in an owner-pet relationship and how the pet can be disturbed for life by the experience.
Here is a case that was recently reported to my clinic by one of my interns.
A female cat — we will call her "P" to protect her identity — has been living in her owners' house now for 12 years. Found languishing under a shrine where she had been discarded by her first owners, she was brought into her new place at still a very early age, perhaps several months old. Her life, therefore, began in trauma, but — dutifully — her owners undertook to overcome the dysfunction of her early months by welcoming her and providing the stability and security that they thought she needed.
There were already two female cats in the house, so introducing a third was clearly establishing an uncertain balance. Groups of three are notoriously unstable among humans, so this seemingly small defect in P's new environment might have planted the seeds for her formative pathology.
This was probably the initial mistake.
The first symptoms of her disorder appeared the very first evening of her arrival. She immediately decided that the other two cats were totally unnecessary to a happy and fulfilling cat-human relationship and did her best to pester and attack the other two pets, hoping to make them move out. Only the timely intervention by the oldest cat prevented P from asserting a problematic dominance in the household. These periodic "interventions" notwithstanding, P continued over the years to test the limits. When the oldest cat died, the second cat — totally lacking in any aggressive genes — was exposed to P's relentless persecution.
The evolution of P's chronic condition continued.
Several stray kittens, for example, were found beside the road and brought into the house temporarily by the owners as they looked for new homes for them. P demonstrated her unhappiness with these invasive competitors by trying to kill them. The owners, perhaps blinded by their years with P, did not see this development as a new turn for the worse in P's behavior.
And soon, to replace the oldest cat who had died, a new kitten (male) was brought into the household. P's refusal to accept any additional challenge to her position in the house caused her to try to kill the new cat at every turn. So aggressive was her behavior that the two of them had to be separated completely. Neither was allowed out of a closed room while the other had run of the house.
The newcomer, for his part, admittedly provoked P and can be blamed for some of the "acting out" that became more prominent in P's relationship with him and with the house itself which she clawed to ribbons in her frustration. But it goes without saying that the groundwork for a full-blown psychosis had already been well established.
Unfortunately, the new cat was run over after only three years in the household, but this enabled P to return to a seemingly more stable period of psychological equilibrium. Her protectiveness of her territory and constant vigilance in surveiling her domain, however, should have revealed the growing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that lay just beneath the surface of an outwardly calm demeanor.
On one occasion, for example, a stray kitten traversed the owners' lot when P was outside. It wasn't long before P brought the kitten — now dead — back to the house and dropped it triumphantly at the door, much to the shock and dismay of the owners.
Clearly their being in denial about the course their cat was taking was not contributing to the pet's rehabilitation or recovery.
As the years passed, P continued to exhibit adjustment "issues" most of which the owners attributed – falsely — to the trauma of having been abandoned as a kitten under the shrine by her first owners. Refusing to see that their own behavior in not setting rules and requiring P to follow them and also introducing a rival into the house, provoking her already well-developed pathology, the owners have to accept a lot of the blame for the problem.
When P would act-out or manifest symptoms of her underlying disorder, the owners would — perhaps jokingly — suggest loudly that P be returned to the shrine where she was found. Of course P could hear these comments, and this only contributed to an even greater sense of insecurity and tendencies towards OCD.
Pterosaurish: So what you are saying is that the owners themselves contributed to the problems that P was suffering from?
Dr. Pussi: Yes, there is no question about it. Though they were well-meaning and did all the things owners are supposed to do in raising a cat, certain of their actions undermined their well-intended behavior and caused P to suffer this psychological condition.
Pterosaurish: So what did you recommend for treatment?
Dr. Pussi: I first prescribed a regimen of drug therapy, involving powdered catnip, but P proved to be resistant to this remedy, so I had to go to the next level and prescribe "matatabi", a relative of the kiwifruit plant, which has a psychotropic effect on a cat's nervous system.
Pterosaurish: And was this successful?
Dr. Pussi: Yes, I am happy to say that this has provided some relief from the more aggressive symptoms of her disorder, but I am also recommending behavioral modification and counseling for the owners as a part of a complete rehabilitation program.
Pterosaurish: Well... we hope for the best for this poor kitty. Thank you so much for being with us today, Dr. Pussi. We look forward to having you back again to discuss other pet-owner problems and how they can be resolved.
Dr. Pussi: Thank you for having me; it's been my pleasure.
We all do what we can to make sure our pets are happy and healthy. We pay for their medical check-ups and vaccinations. We buy the best food. We entertain them with toys and exercise. But despite our very best efforts, sometimes the pet diverges from the straight and narrow, goes rogue and becomes a delinquent pet.
Today we will explore these issues of pet psychology with our guest, well-known cat psychologist, Dr. Gato Pussi.
Pterosaurish: Welcome to the program Dr. Pussi. We are all interested in hearing what you have to say about how owners can best prevent their pets from developing serious psychological disorders.
Dr. Pussi: Thank you so much. Frankly, a lot of a pet's psychological well-being depends on its owners.
Let's start today by picking up a typical example of what can go wrong in an owner-pet relationship and how the pet can be disturbed for life by the experience.
Here is a case that was recently reported to my clinic by one of my interns.
A female cat — we will call her "P" to protect her identity — has been living in her owners' house now for 12 years. Found languishing under a shrine where she had been discarded by her first owners, she was brought into her new place at still a very early age, perhaps several months old. Her life, therefore, began in trauma, but — dutifully — her owners undertook to overcome the dysfunction of her early months by welcoming her and providing the stability and security that they thought she needed.
There were already two female cats in the house, so introducing a third was clearly establishing an uncertain balance. Groups of three are notoriously unstable among humans, so this seemingly small defect in P's new environment might have planted the seeds for her formative pathology.
This was probably the initial mistake.
The first symptoms of her disorder appeared the very first evening of her arrival. She immediately decided that the other two cats were totally unnecessary to a happy and fulfilling cat-human relationship and did her best to pester and attack the other two pets, hoping to make them move out. Only the timely intervention by the oldest cat prevented P from asserting a problematic dominance in the household. These periodic "interventions" notwithstanding, P continued over the years to test the limits. When the oldest cat died, the second cat — totally lacking in any aggressive genes — was exposed to P's relentless persecution.
The evolution of P's chronic condition continued.
 |
| P at rest |
And soon, to replace the oldest cat who had died, a new kitten (male) was brought into the household. P's refusal to accept any additional challenge to her position in the house caused her to try to kill the new cat at every turn. So aggressive was her behavior that the two of them had to be separated completely. Neither was allowed out of a closed room while the other had run of the house.
The newcomer, for his part, admittedly provoked P and can be blamed for some of the "acting out" that became more prominent in P's relationship with him and with the house itself which she clawed to ribbons in her frustration. But it goes without saying that the groundwork for a full-blown psychosis had already been well established.
Unfortunately, the new cat was run over after only three years in the household, but this enabled P to return to a seemingly more stable period of psychological equilibrium. Her protectiveness of her territory and constant vigilance in surveiling her domain, however, should have revealed the growing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that lay just beneath the surface of an outwardly calm demeanor.
On one occasion, for example, a stray kitten traversed the owners' lot when P was outside. It wasn't long before P brought the kitten — now dead — back to the house and dropped it triumphantly at the door, much to the shock and dismay of the owners.
Clearly their being in denial about the course their cat was taking was not contributing to the pet's rehabilitation or recovery.
As the years passed, P continued to exhibit adjustment "issues" most of which the owners attributed – falsely — to the trauma of having been abandoned as a kitten under the shrine by her first owners. Refusing to see that their own behavior in not setting rules and requiring P to follow them and also introducing a rival into the house, provoking her already well-developed pathology, the owners have to accept a lot of the blame for the problem.
When P would act-out or manifest symptoms of her underlying disorder, the owners would — perhaps jokingly — suggest loudly that P be returned to the shrine where she was found. Of course P could hear these comments, and this only contributed to an even greater sense of insecurity and tendencies towards OCD.
Pterosaurish: So what you are saying is that the owners themselves contributed to the problems that P was suffering from?
Dr. Pussi: Yes, there is no question about it. Though they were well-meaning and did all the things owners are supposed to do in raising a cat, certain of their actions undermined their well-intended behavior and caused P to suffer this psychological condition.
Pterosaurish: So what did you recommend for treatment?
Dr. Pussi: I first prescribed a regimen of drug therapy, involving powdered catnip, but P proved to be resistant to this remedy, so I had to go to the next level and prescribe "matatabi", a relative of the kiwifruit plant, which has a psychotropic effect on a cat's nervous system.
Pterosaurish: And was this successful?
Dr. Pussi: Yes, I am happy to say that this has provided some relief from the more aggressive symptoms of her disorder, but I am also recommending behavioral modification and counseling for the owners as a part of a complete rehabilitation program.
Pterosaurish: Well... we hope for the best for this poor kitty. Thank you so much for being with us today, Dr. Pussi. We look forward to having you back again to discuss other pet-owner problems and how they can be resolved.
Dr. Pussi: Thank you for having me; it's been my pleasure.
Monday, June 10, 2013
妻源病 or WID
It was bound to happen.
No sooner does Japanese psychology come up with an explanation for some of the illnesses of women by blaming it on their husbands (see earlier post here), than a similar cause for the disabilities of men is found in their wives, Wife-Induced Disease.
One thing is different; however, in the case of women their spousal "allergies" affect them at any age, while men seem to fall prey to this disorder in middle age.
What are the symptoms?
One man reported a rapid heartbeat and "pains in the area of his temples" on his train ride home from work. Another claimed cold sweats and dizziness so bad he had to be saved from falling onto the train tracks from the platform. All this from merely imagining the "frosty expression" on his wife's face.
What is the cause of this disorder?
One company doctor suggests that a devotion to work is common among middle-aged men and this gives them a great deal of pride. When a wife does not appreciate this effort – perhaps wearying of cleaning up after his drunken returns from company carousing – he feels stress.
Another psychiatrist, Dr. Yonekura, who works at the improbably named "Joy Total Clinic" (sounds like a "massage parlor") which is staffed entirely by young female physicians (only in Japan) suggests that men go through a menopause-like experience in their middle years too. This can cause palpitations and vertigo. These symptoms combined with spending more time with their wives in their "empty nest" houses can cause stress and an exacerbation of the disorder, according to Dr. Yonekura.
How do you know if you are susceptible to this disorder?
Well... first of all you need to be a middle-aged man – between the ages of 40 and 50 is perfect.
Then have a look at this checklist (conveniently provided by the Taishu Weekly which first reported this medical condition) and see if you are vulnerable.
Interestingly, some of these items such as being a perfectionist and thinking one is helping as much as possible with the household chores are themselves causes for the women's ailment, HSD – Husband-Sourced Disease.
There are other suggestions as well, such as "trying to get along with your wife's parents better", but these seem like they would be more stressful to the middle-aged, Japanese salary man, so it's hard to recommend them here.
The divorce rate among middle-aged couples and those of retirement age has increased 300% from the early 1990s to the early 2000s. Moreover among those who have been married for 20 years (middle-aged couples, since Japanese marry late), the divorce rate has soared, in many cases because the wife is sick and tired of her husband spending so much time at work, and "being treated like a servant".
What can you – the middle-aged man – do if you are faced with these difficult symptoms? Divorce is not listed as one of the options for either of these conditions; far it be from me to suggest such draconian measures here. Instead, you should learn to develop a "playful mind". This is described in terms of finding some hobby (not having an affair) such as "playing with remotely controlled models"; in other words, entertain the notion of a second childhood.
The burgeoning divorce rate clearly shows that for many couples the cure for these two debilitating disorders has taken its own course, but you – the worried middle-aged guy – don't want to go the "nuclear route", so take my advice and have a second childhood! Go out and get that radio-controlled airplane you always wanted, or take up wind-surfing. Take to heart the common expression "boys and their toys"! When you clutter the house with your models and other toys, keeping a childlike absorption in your hobby, your wife will see you in a new light and the symptoms of your malady will disappear. Of course, your wife might too, but because you are in your second childhood, you might not notice — not until no dinner is served and the laundry piles up, at any rate.
No sooner does Japanese psychology come up with an explanation for some of the illnesses of women by blaming it on their husbands (see earlier post here), than a similar cause for the disabilities of men is found in their wives, Wife-Induced Disease.
One thing is different; however, in the case of women their spousal "allergies" affect them at any age, while men seem to fall prey to this disorder in middle age.
What are the symptoms?
One man reported a rapid heartbeat and "pains in the area of his temples" on his train ride home from work. Another claimed cold sweats and dizziness so bad he had to be saved from falling onto the train tracks from the platform. All this from merely imagining the "frosty expression" on his wife's face.
What is the cause of this disorder?
One company doctor suggests that a devotion to work is common among middle-aged men and this gives them a great deal of pride. When a wife does not appreciate this effort – perhaps wearying of cleaning up after his drunken returns from company carousing – he feels stress.
Another psychiatrist, Dr. Yonekura, who works at the improbably named "Joy Total Clinic" (sounds like a "massage parlor") which is staffed entirely by young female physicians (only in Japan) suggests that men go through a menopause-like experience in their middle years too. This can cause palpitations and vertigo. These symptoms combined with spending more time with their wives in their "empty nest" houses can cause stress and an exacerbation of the disorder, according to Dr. Yonekura.
How do you know if you are susceptible to this disorder?
Well... first of all you need to be a middle-aged man – between the ages of 40 and 50 is perfect.
Then have a look at this checklist (conveniently provided by the Taishu Weekly which first reported this medical condition) and see if you are vulnerable.
- I’m something of a perfectionist
- I have trouble falling asleep
- I suffer from unexplained episodes of sweating, vertigo or palpitations
- I help as much as possible with household chores
- Our children are financially independent and married
- I’m often at home since I have already retired
- I exhibit more fatigue than does my wife
- We never engage in marital spats
- As a married couple we seem to understand each other without the need to speak
- My wife suffers from menopause-related problems
Interestingly, some of these items such as being a perfectionist and thinking one is helping as much as possible with the household chores are themselves causes for the women's ailment, HSD – Husband-Sourced Disease.
There are other suggestions as well, such as "trying to get along with your wife's parents better", but these seem like they would be more stressful to the middle-aged, Japanese salary man, so it's hard to recommend them here.
The divorce rate among middle-aged couples and those of retirement age has increased 300% from the early 1990s to the early 2000s. Moreover among those who have been married for 20 years (middle-aged couples, since Japanese marry late), the divorce rate has soared, in many cases because the wife is sick and tired of her husband spending so much time at work, and "being treated like a servant".
What can you – the middle-aged man – do if you are faced with these difficult symptoms? Divorce is not listed as one of the options for either of these conditions; far it be from me to suggest such draconian measures here. Instead, you should learn to develop a "playful mind". This is described in terms of finding some hobby (not having an affair) such as "playing with remotely controlled models"; in other words, entertain the notion of a second childhood.
The burgeoning divorce rate clearly shows that for many couples the cure for these two debilitating disorders has taken its own course, but you – the worried middle-aged guy – don't want to go the "nuclear route", so take my advice and have a second childhood! Go out and get that radio-controlled airplane you always wanted, or take up wind-surfing. Take to heart the common expression "boys and their toys"! When you clutter the house with your models and other toys, keeping a childlike absorption in your hobby, your wife will see you in a new light and the symptoms of your malady will disappear. Of course, your wife might too, but because you are in your second childhood, you might not notice — not until no dinner is served and the laundry piles up, at any rate.
Monday, June 3, 2013
The Pandas Against the World
The Chinese mean business now. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
A Chinese military official has laid it all out. America is no longer the Paper Tiger of the Mao era; oh no! It is a real Global Tiger and Japan is its Running Dog.... oops... dated expression... um... Wolf. Australia, a kind-hearted Lamb (take THAT you macho Aussies!), is warned not to side with the Tiger and the Wolf against China (a Panda?) in the struggle to identify who actually owns the Senkaku Islands (the Pandas call them the Diaoyu Islands).
The Global Tiger and the Wolf are "madly biting China", according to the Colonel in the Chinese army. Poor China. One hopes they don't catch something from all that biting.
What if the Kind-Hearted Lambs should side with the Wolf and the Tiger? The Panda will assert its claim to parts of Australia no doubt, based on some historical claim of having sent ships there before anyone arrived from Europe.
They will issue another statement, "The Panda claim to the southern continents is proven in history. There is nothing to discuss. The southern continent is an irrevocable part of Pandaland. We claim them along with all of the seas between our mainland and our southern territories of what is called Australia today."
The Global Tiger, on the other hand, might say, "We support the Kind-Hearted Lambs in their desire to remain free and independent of Panda domination, but we also wish they would be less lamby and more tigery about this.... just saying."
The Wolf (Japan, in case you have not been paying attention) would say, "While recognizing the rights of Pandas and Lambs to live in harmony around the world, we Wolves insist on the right of most animals to live in peace whenever possible and if not, to try to work it out among themselves and bring new awakenings that might turn to our general advantage in our common will and striving for world acceptance."
The Global Tiger would respond to this new initiative by the Wolves by saying, "Huh?"
And – naturally – the Pandas would throw a hissy-fit claiming, "Wolf attempts at regional hegemony will be met by the strong and inviolable determination of all Pandas everywhere to prevent a repeat of historical mistakes!" They would encourage Panda riots in the streets in Pandaland and the unavoidable trashing and closure of Wolf stores and embassies.
The Wolves would respond with uncommon sternness, "Events in Pandaland have taken on a character of their own and established a momentum that can only lead to a fundamental revocation and arrangement from the world of nations, fostering a general disadvantage in the climate among these nations and a decrease in the positive atmosphere of general development.... among nations... or between them.... and retroactively."
This would clearly be a provocation to the Pandas who would send "research" vessels into Wolf waters to prove that not only the little islands but also the big islands of Okinawa Prefecture are an inviolable part of Panda territory.
The Wolves would respond by sternly announcing in their Parliament that "vessels from other countries, entering Wolf waters should be aware that we are prepared to take strong measures against them; such as taking video of them for the evening news, exposing their perfidy to the world."
Escalating the tensions, the Pandas would send fishing boats to expose the imperialist and adventurist ambitions of the Wolves who are running dogs of the capitalist Global Tigers, and the Wolves would respond gravely by complaining, "Intrusion by alien vessels into our waters will not be tolerated unless we can determine where they are from and ascertain that they might be on course for other places and unless they have radar that might be locked onto our vessels or weapons systems that look scary."
The Pandas for their part have clearly been feeling local pressures – they ARE an endangered species after all – and what could be better to alleviate their domestic pressures than to lay claim to major chunks of the rest of the world? Lebensraum for Pandas!
Those Pandas, so cute when they get riled up!
A Chinese military official has laid it all out. America is no longer the Paper Tiger of the Mao era; oh no! It is a real Global Tiger and Japan is its Running Dog.... oops... dated expression... um... Wolf. Australia, a kind-hearted Lamb (take THAT you macho Aussies!), is warned not to side with the Tiger and the Wolf against China (a Panda?) in the struggle to identify who actually owns the Senkaku Islands (the Pandas call them the Diaoyu Islands).
The Global Tiger and the Wolf are "madly biting China", according to the Colonel in the Chinese army. Poor China. One hopes they don't catch something from all that biting.
What if the Kind-Hearted Lambs should side with the Wolf and the Tiger? The Panda will assert its claim to parts of Australia no doubt, based on some historical claim of having sent ships there before anyone arrived from Europe.
They will issue another statement, "The Panda claim to the southern continents is proven in history. There is nothing to discuss. The southern continent is an irrevocable part of Pandaland. We claim them along with all of the seas between our mainland and our southern territories of what is called Australia today."
The Global Tiger, on the other hand, might say, "We support the Kind-Hearted Lambs in their desire to remain free and independent of Panda domination, but we also wish they would be less lamby and more tigery about this.... just saying."
The Wolf (Japan, in case you have not been paying attention) would say, "While recognizing the rights of Pandas and Lambs to live in harmony around the world, we Wolves insist on the right of most animals to live in peace whenever possible and if not, to try to work it out among themselves and bring new awakenings that might turn to our general advantage in our common will and striving for world acceptance."
The Global Tiger would respond to this new initiative by the Wolves by saying, "Huh?"
And – naturally – the Pandas would throw a hissy-fit claiming, "Wolf attempts at regional hegemony will be met by the strong and inviolable determination of all Pandas everywhere to prevent a repeat of historical mistakes!" They would encourage Panda riots in the streets in Pandaland and the unavoidable trashing and closure of Wolf stores and embassies.
The Wolves would respond with uncommon sternness, "Events in Pandaland have taken on a character of their own and established a momentum that can only lead to a fundamental revocation and arrangement from the world of nations, fostering a general disadvantage in the climate among these nations and a decrease in the positive atmosphere of general development.... among nations... or between them.... and retroactively."
This would clearly be a provocation to the Pandas who would send "research" vessels into Wolf waters to prove that not only the little islands but also the big islands of Okinawa Prefecture are an inviolable part of Panda territory.
The Wolves would respond by sternly announcing in their Parliament that "vessels from other countries, entering Wolf waters should be aware that we are prepared to take strong measures against them; such as taking video of them for the evening news, exposing their perfidy to the world."
Escalating the tensions, the Pandas would send fishing boats to expose the imperialist and adventurist ambitions of the Wolves who are running dogs of the capitalist Global Tigers, and the Wolves would respond gravely by complaining, "Intrusion by alien vessels into our waters will not be tolerated unless we can determine where they are from and ascertain that they might be on course for other places and unless they have radar that might be locked onto our vessels or weapons systems that look scary."
The Pandas for their part have clearly been feeling local pressures – they ARE an endangered species after all – and what could be better to alleviate their domestic pressures than to lay claim to major chunks of the rest of the world? Lebensraum for Pandas!
Those Pandas, so cute when they get riled up!
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