We all have bad habits.
Let's face it. And we often don't even know that we are doing them. Some bad habits might creep in under the radar. I certainly don't know what my bad habits are, do you?
Don't be snarky, I am asking you if you know what YOUR bad habits are.
Of course not.
It's part of the human experience that we are unaware of what our own bad habits might be and how they drive the people around us crazy, so that they want to beat us to death with the fireplace poker.
We have no fireplace pokers in our house.
On purpose.
The first step in dealing with this problem is identifying what horrid habits you have and how they are making those close to you start looking for the poker. I did some research about this (saving you the trouble, since I know you are busy and have a life etc. etc.) and found these pressing behaviors that drive others crazy. The list is long, so I have selected 3 of the prominent ones to provide advice about.
Popular Bad Habits (find the complete list here):
1. Picking your nose or some other body part.
This one is hard to be attentive to. Your hand just creeps up there and goes for that little thing in that one nostril and the next thing you know you have three fingers in there doing a boogerotomy.
Nobody likes to see this.
The psychiatric advice is to replace this repulsive activity with some other actions that are more socially admissible. If you are a dog, this is where you hump the couch leg rather than the leg of your mother-in-law who happens to come over for dinner. It's called "displacement" in the psychological world.
Since handcuffing your offending hand to the chair is impractical, you need to find another way to "displace" the disgusting pastime. This requires a conscious commitment to engaging the offending fingers in some other activity.
What other things could you ask your hand to do?
a) Straighten your tie. This requires you actually wear a tie, so it might not work for some people (like me), but for the average professional it might be a good solution.
b) Hold your chin thoughtfully. This can work for anyone, and makes you look pensive and intelligent. Don't go too far with this and do a "face palm" as that could convey the wrong message.
2. Passing gas
It's simply too facile to say you should stop eating beans or not swallow your food whole as a way of solving this problem. The gas just seems to want to squeak out on its on—usually during an important meeting with your boss or when you are trying to impress a date.
Unfortunately there is no "displacement" activity that your ... er... posterior can do to take the place of the unfortunate "fracking" going on down there, so other steps need to be considered.
a) Sit near someone older than you. This way when you release your fumes, others in the room will probably blame the "old fart" next to you. You can encourage this by side-glancing at him quickly and sort of edging your chair away slightly.
b) Comment on it, so that it is clear you didn't "deal it". Don't be too obvious with "fart comments" but say something general like "What IS that smell? Are they emptying the dumpsters or something out there?"
3. Taking forever to get to the point in a conversation
We all have met those with this unfortunate condition, people who blather on and on. He usually catches you with some "hook" of an opening line like "Oh, Fred! I wanted to say something about your vacation plans to Maui." And then he will talk about his trip to Oahu and how the towels in the hotel were really fluffy and nice and how they managed to "sneak" towels out for their snorkeling trip to Hanauma Bay where they got sunburned and his wife had to go to the hospital and get treated for it and then she had to stay in the room for the next couple of days, so he went out on his own and met this really cool "chick" and how they just "hit it off" and how they had lunch together in a really cute place right off Waikiki beach... blah, blah, blah." And meanwhile if they took an EEG of your brain at the moment, you would be a perfect candidate for organ donation.
The problem with this bad habit is that people who have it are congenitally incapable of KNOWING they have it. "Who me? What do you mean 'get to the point'? I was just giving Fred here some advice about his trip to Maui! Sheesh!"
So the only thing you can do is to develop strategies to deal with this sort of individual. Conventional tactics such as looking ostentatiously at your watch will not make the slightest impression, so you need to take drastic action.
a) Change the subject. Look intently at his face and say something like, "Hey, Ralph... I don't mean to interrupt, but have you had a doctor look at that unusual growth... that dark spot there on your cheek recently?" This is guaranteed to stop him dead in his tracks and give you the opportunity to escape.
b) Invoke "stand your ground" laws and shoot him in self-defense. Ha ha. Just kidding about this one, OK?
The list of bad habits is long, but the best professional advice is that you should not try to rectify more than one at a time. Try to outline your worst habits and start slowly to eliminate them and become a better you. Perhaps by the time you are on your deathbed, people will say "What a guy! He has absolutely no bad habits at all!" Of course being on your deathbed is a bad habit in itself, but maybe there are some tactics you can use to deal with that one too.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Supermarket Sensitivities
Not so funny, but interesting?
In Japan, the shopping carts just barely hold a supermarket shopping basket.
In the US, the shopping carts are like trucks–children can even ride in them.
In Japan, EVERY cherry tomato (even in your salad) comes with a little bit of stem on top*.
In America, you cannot find cherry tomatoes in stores (or restaurants) with the stem tips.
In Japan, mayonnaise comes in a tube.
In America, it comes in a jar.
In Japan, condensed milk comes in a tube.
In the US, it comes in a can.
In Japan, most fruits and vegetables come in packaging (10 string beans in a pack) or at least with a piece of tape around them.
In the US, you help yourself to bins (sometimes very large) of them.
In Japan, rice, pasta, dried fruit, grains, cereals, etc. are sold in commercial packages.
In the US, you can also scoop them from bins–as little or as much as you like.
In Japan, if you ask a store employee where something is, s/he will take you there and show it to you.
In the US, they will say something like, "It's on aisle 5", or (happened yesterday) "Let me call and find out" (nobody answered the phone).
In Japan, the cashier says, "Please wait a moment (while the customer ahead is being checked through)", then "Welcome", then "Thank you and come again".
In the US, the cashier chats you up, "How's your day going?", or "What are your plans for the weekend?", or "Oh! I really like this product (in your bag) too! Did you know you can mix it with this other product we have?".
In Japan, the cashier takes the items out of your shopping basket, scans them, and puts them into another shopping basket which the customer carries to another counter to self-bag.
In the US, the customer puts the items on a conveyor belt and the cashier scans them and then bags them for you.
In Japan, the cashier will put a bag around the cat food or shampoo separately.
In the US, they bag the meat this way.
In Japan, the cashier swipes your credit card and enters the data.
In the US, the customer does it.
In Japan, they always give you your change on top of your receipt or the receipt alone.
In America, they often toss the receipt into your shopping bag.
In Japan, you cannot get cash in addition to your groceries when you pay with a card.
In the US, you can (no need to use an ATM, no ATM fees).
- - - - - - - - - -
* Why IS that?!
In Japan, the shopping carts just barely hold a supermarket shopping basket.
In the US, the shopping carts are like trucks–children can even ride in them.
In Japan, EVERY cherry tomato (even in your salad) comes with a little bit of stem on top*.
In America, you cannot find cherry tomatoes in stores (or restaurants) with the stem tips.
In Japan, mayonnaise comes in a tube.
In America, it comes in a jar.
In Japan, condensed milk comes in a tube.
In the US, it comes in a can.
In Japan, most fruits and vegetables come in packaging (10 string beans in a pack) or at least with a piece of tape around them.
In the US, you help yourself to bins (sometimes very large) of them.
In Japan, rice, pasta, dried fruit, grains, cereals, etc. are sold in commercial packages.
In the US, you can also scoop them from bins–as little or as much as you like.
In Japan, if you ask a store employee where something is, s/he will take you there and show it to you.
In the US, they will say something like, "It's on aisle 5", or (happened yesterday) "Let me call and find out" (nobody answered the phone).
In Japan, the cashier says, "Please wait a moment (while the customer ahead is being checked through)", then "Welcome", then "Thank you and come again".
In the US, the cashier chats you up, "How's your day going?", or "What are your plans for the weekend?", or "Oh! I really like this product (in your bag) too! Did you know you can mix it with this other product we have?".
In Japan, the cashier takes the items out of your shopping basket, scans them, and puts them into another shopping basket which the customer carries to another counter to self-bag.
In the US, the customer puts the items on a conveyor belt and the cashier scans them and then bags them for you.
In Japan, the cashier will put a bag around the cat food or shampoo separately.
In the US, they bag the meat this way.
In Japan, the cashier swipes your credit card and enters the data.
In the US, the customer does it.
In Japan, they always give you your change on top of your receipt or the receipt alone.
In America, they often toss the receipt into your shopping bag.
In Japan, you cannot get cash in addition to your groceries when you pay with a card.
In the US, you can (no need to use an ATM, no ATM fees).
- - - - - - - - - -
* Why IS that?!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Wheat-a-Belly
A lot of people in the US these days are talking about the threat of genetically engineered foods. Wheat, for example, is now said to be especially dangerous. A heart doctor, William Davis, has written a popular book entitled "Wheat Belly", making the claim that the wheat we eat today is nothing like the wheat our ancestors enjoyed and is responsible for the blossoming of belly blubber in the United States today. Specifically, the wheat developed over the past 50 years has more gluten in it. To help us understand the danger that this poses, we met with Professor Colin Graankleefstof, PhD of the International Baking Society (IBS) and asked him about what gluten actually is.
Pterosaurish: Thank you for meeting with us today, Professor.
CG: You are very welcome indeed.
Pterosaurish: So please tell us in laymen's terms, what actually IS gluten in wheat?
CG: It's a protein. It's necessary for making bread products rise. We have strong wheat and weak wheat flours; the former are what we use in making donuts, bread, and pizza... did I tell you I know how to make a really great pizza dough, using two different kinds of high gluten flour?
Pterosaurish: Um.... no... but what about the weak flours?
CG: OH! Yes! The weak flours... you would never make pizza with them. Do you know why?
Pterosaurish: Er... not really?
CG: Their gluten levels are too low, so the pizza wouldn't rise properly. No... we use these weak flours in making cakes and the like.
Pterosaurish: So what are the differences we are talking about here?
CG: Well, the pizza dough requires a high gluten flour, so I use a flour with 12.5% gluten. To make a cake I would use a flour with about 8% gluten.
Pterosaurish: I see. Well, thank you very much for this enlightening information about this dietary danger.
CG: It has been entirely my pleasure.
No question about it. If you look at many popular foods, wheat is a major ingredient. It's the number one ingredient in Cinnamon Toast Crunch (breakfast cereal) for example. Cosmic Brownies also contain wheat. Twinkies (soon to make a comeback in the American diet) contain this dangerous substance. And even popular Krispy Kreme donuts have — yes, you guessed it — wheat, as the main ingredient! And that is not all! Even Entenmann's Dark Chocolate Chunk Cookies and Pepperidge Farm Pretzel Goldfish are laced with this high-risk material! And every, single one of the 14 billion pizzas pumped out by the Pizza Hut chain (founded in 1958) last year was adulterated with wheat flour.
Who knew?!
Is it no wonder that Americans are getting fat? The good doctor is right! And not only fat, this viciously introduced "hybrid" wheat is responsible for "heart disease, diabetes, fatigue, acne, arthritis, IBS and even dementia"!
Dementia!
Some clearly deluded naysayers (maybe suffering from early on-set dementia?) make the spurious claim that baguettes (French bread) have been around for centuries and require a high gluten flour to make them, and nobody had "wheat belly" in Queen Antoinette's day (Her admonition, "Let them eat cake!" clearly showed her concern for the health of the masses, since cake contains less gluten than bread). But these naysayers don't have the anecdotal evidence that Dr. Davis has from patients to support their view.
What is next? What frightening steps will the food giants take to engineer their products to make them easier to grow and more profitable? Adding genes from migratory insects so that the wheat will migrate throughout the year, self-adjusting its sunlight and temperature for increased yields? Or engineer it with polar bear genes so it can be planted and grown throughout the winter in icy lands. Can adding squid genes to the wheat be far behind, setting the stage for underwater farming? It is a vast underutilized part of our planet after all!
It is critical that each and every one of us be aware of this grave danger and take immediate steps to correct our eating habits to avoid terrible health problems. I —for one— intend to
cut right back on the number of doughnuts I eat in the morning for breakfast. My health is too important to be left to the devices of unscrupulous companies like Krispy Kreme!
Pterosaurish: Thank you for meeting with us today, Professor.
CG: You are very welcome indeed.
Pterosaurish: So please tell us in laymen's terms, what actually IS gluten in wheat?
CG: It's a protein. It's necessary for making bread products rise. We have strong wheat and weak wheat flours; the former are what we use in making donuts, bread, and pizza... did I tell you I know how to make a really great pizza dough, using two different kinds of high gluten flour?
Pterosaurish: Um.... no... but what about the weak flours?
CG: OH! Yes! The weak flours... you would never make pizza with them. Do you know why?
Pterosaurish: Er... not really?
CG: Their gluten levels are too low, so the pizza wouldn't rise properly. No... we use these weak flours in making cakes and the like.
Pterosaurish: So what are the differences we are talking about here?
CG: Well, the pizza dough requires a high gluten flour, so I use a flour with 12.5% gluten. To make a cake I would use a flour with about 8% gluten.
Pterosaurish: I see. Well, thank you very much for this enlightening information about this dietary danger.
CG: It has been entirely my pleasure.
No question about it. If you look at many popular foods, wheat is a major ingredient. It's the number one ingredient in Cinnamon Toast Crunch (breakfast cereal) for example. Cosmic Brownies also contain wheat. Twinkies (soon to make a comeback in the American diet) contain this dangerous substance. And even popular Krispy Kreme donuts have — yes, you guessed it — wheat, as the main ingredient! And that is not all! Even Entenmann's Dark Chocolate Chunk Cookies and Pepperidge Farm Pretzel Goldfish are laced with this high-risk material! And every, single one of the 14 billion pizzas pumped out by the Pizza Hut chain (founded in 1958) last year was adulterated with wheat flour.
Who knew?!
Is it no wonder that Americans are getting fat? The good doctor is right! And not only fat, this viciously introduced "hybrid" wheat is responsible for "heart disease, diabetes, fatigue, acne, arthritis, IBS and even dementia"!
Dementia!
Some clearly deluded naysayers (maybe suffering from early on-set dementia?) make the spurious claim that baguettes (French bread) have been around for centuries and require a high gluten flour to make them, and nobody had "wheat belly" in Queen Antoinette's day (Her admonition, "Let them eat cake!" clearly showed her concern for the health of the masses, since cake contains less gluten than bread). But these naysayers don't have the anecdotal evidence that Dr. Davis has from patients to support their view.
What is next? What frightening steps will the food giants take to engineer their products to make them easier to grow and more profitable? Adding genes from migratory insects so that the wheat will migrate throughout the year, self-adjusting its sunlight and temperature for increased yields? Or engineer it with polar bear genes so it can be planted and grown throughout the winter in icy lands. Can adding squid genes to the wheat be far behind, setting the stage for underwater farming? It is a vast underutilized part of our planet after all!
It is critical that each and every one of us be aware of this grave danger and take immediate steps to correct our eating habits to avoid terrible health problems. I —for one— intend to
cut right back on the number of doughnuts I eat in the morning for breakfast. My health is too important to be left to the devices of unscrupulous companies like Krispy Kreme!
Monday, July 1, 2013
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