I want to extend to all you Earthlings a special greeting on the founding of your planet. According to the best researched creationist "science", October 22 at 6 AM (GMT) in the year 4004 BC, the world was created in all its glory. So, Happy Birthday Earth! For being only 6016 years old, you don't look a day over 5000!
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And, while we are on the topic of the Bible (where, for you laypeople, the creationist theory comes from), I would like to say that an old friend told me that I should read the Bible more! So, I did. And this is what I stumbled upon.
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We are all delighted to know that the CEO of the Chick-Fil-A restaurant chain supports "Biblical families." Naturally, when a civic and business leader such as Dan Cathy speaks out, simple laypeople such as myself have to find out what he is talking about, so that we too can come to an understanding of what Biblical "family values" he is promoting.
Take Abraham, for example. He is a central figure in the Bible. What were his family values like?
First of all, Abraham makes his wife, Sarai, tell a lie, claiming she is his sister, so that when the Pharaoh takes her into his harem he won't kill Abraham as a side effect (she was really hot). The Pharaoh discovers the lie, however, and gives her back and sends the two of them on their way. (Genesis 12) – no punishment from God. In other words, it's OK to prostitute out your wife if you are afraid of the consequences of not doing so.
But that's not all.
In Genesis 16, Abraham "goes into" Hagar, his wife's maid, and she conceived. Sarai was not pleased and expelled the maid from the house.
I bet you are thinking, "Naughty, naughty Abraham", aren't you?
Don't be silly!
This is one of those Biblical "family values" the restaurant CEO is supporting!
Of course, Abraham was not the only one.
In Genesis 19, Lot's daughters conspired to "lie with" their father in the cave where they had escaped to. They got him drunk the first night and the older daughter "lay with" him, and then the second night, they got him drunk again and the younger daughter "lay with" him.
Both conceived from this "laying".
Right!
Any man on the planet will tell you that if you are so drunk you don't have ANY idea who is "laying" with you (especially if she is your daughter), you are also "laying-impaired", if you get my drift.
This story shows more Biblical family values that provide important guidelines for us to take home and ponder in our hearts.
Apparently, Abraham was not the only one with a "maid-thing". In Genesis 29, Jacob (another prominent Biblical icon) is deceived by his father-in-law Laban. Wanting Laban's daughter Rachel, he agrees to marry her and "goes into her" on their wedding night. But the morning after, he discovers it is not Rachel at all, but her sister, Leah!
How bad is THAT?! He "went into her" and all but didn't know it was somebody else. The Biblical figures obviously were vision impaired at key moments.
Complaining to his father-in-law about the deception, Laban asks that Jacob continue his efforts with Leah for one week, after which Laban will give him Rachel too. But alas, Rachel was barren, so she told Jacob (lucky guy) to "go into" her maid, Bilhah, who later bore him a son.
Leah – not to be outdone by her sister, Rachel – decided to step up to the plate in the competition and invited Jacob to "go into" HER maid, Zilpah, as well.
The lesson in Biblical family values we can learn here is that hiring a maid is an important first step towards true holiness. You need to go to your wife and say, "Hi Honey! You know, I was just thinking that you work too hard around the house here. Why don't we hire a maid?!" I am sure, supporting Biblical values as you do, your wife will be delighted and even touched by your considerate approach.
Or how about the story of Judah and Tamar, his daughter-in-law, in Genesis 38. Judah insisted that Tamar remain a widow after her husband was killed (by God). But Tamar took off her widow's garments and covered her face with a veil. Apparently this was enough to convince her father-in-law that she was a "harlot", and he had no alternative but to "go into her" in exchange for a "kid from his flock" and his "signet, bracelets and staff".
Naturally, she conceived as a result.
This case and Lot's case above clearly show that for men, being easily deceived is a key Biblical value. There is nothing like a veil to make it impossible to tell who someone is. Getting drunk is also a good excuse.
The Bible provides us with other important social information about values as well. In Deuteronomy 21, for example, the Israelites are advised that if they have two wives who each bear a son, husbands should not favor the son of the second-born even if they hate the wife who gave birth to the first-born.
The moral here is that having two wives is OK, but don't take out your hostilities towards one of them on the children they bear you.
It truly is a vital and personally meaningful exercise to find out what the Biblical values are in "Biblical families". Reading these passages makes me realize just how un-Biblical I have been! I need to reform my ways and get right with God! The maid thing sounds like a good place to begin.
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