10 New Year's Resolutions

It is a NEW year, so like everyone else, I want to turn over a new leaf .
We all need to turn over a new leaf or a new something... a new mattress... whatever. I know all of you are interested in what *I have decided to do in the new year and what insightful changes *I have made for my life in the new year. Let me present the resolutions *I have made for *my life in the popular numbered list format.
1. I think it would be good for me not to drink so much booze. Therefore, my New Year's resolution should start with this thought.... let's cut back on the booze. "Let's = me". Enough is enough. How many cases of champagne can I reasonably drink anyway? And – let's face it – there are many things more important than wine!
2. Because of all the "holiday season" eating and drinking and the extra calories I have been taking in, I think I should resolve to trim down and be more physically fit in the New Year. After all, I am not a spring chicken anymore... not even a summer or fall chicken actually... so I need to get on this right away to avoid turning into something Japanese research whalers might take interest in.
3. My life is totally disorganized, so I should do what I can to make some sense of all my loose ends and tie them up. I need to sit down and go through ALL those papers and stuff ... wtf is IN that drawer anyway?!!... and deal with things in a mature and responsible way.
4. It is a NEW year after all!
5. I just checked on what the top ten New Year's resolutions are, and "learning something new" is high on the list, so I should learn something new too!
I really should.
I have been such a sloth about this... sitting around, really kind of coasting on my earlier experiences and hoping they might carry me through for the next 10 years or so until I become senile and can't remember, and then it doesn't matter and all... and... what was the topic here?
Oh! Not coasting on all the cool things I did when I was young.
Not even that cool UFO thing we did in college that got in the newspapers when we made that hot-air balloon out of the thin plastic laundry bag and sent it up with a cup of burning alcohol in it on a misty night and how people called in about seeing a UFO and all... and what was the resolution?... it is hard for me to keep track. Maybe it is not to send up any more plastic laundry bag UFOs. Yes.... That must be it. I would advise all of you to avoid this behavior too, since the second time we did it, we set fire to a tree in someone's yard.
6. Getting back to number 1 above... I think what I really need to do is not cut back drastically so much but rather learn to drink more intelligently. Yes... that's it. I need to buy better stuff and drink it more intelligently. OK... let's modify #1 above with this #6 caveat.
7. Drinking more intelligently means I won't talk to really STUPID people (like most Republicans) while I am drinking. This will clearly save me from a lot of bad feelings and emotional trauma in the New Year. Good thing, no?
8. Also about number 2 above, I think I need to be more positive about who I am in reality and not be trying to be someone else. I am a winter chicken.... no... actually... come to think of it, I am not a chicken at all. So let's just cancel # 2 already. I will go ahead and do whatever it is I do, and not try to be a chicken in any shape or form. I think that is a noble New Year's resolution. DON'T BE A CHICKEN!
9. #8 means I will also dare to have it all.
10. About #3, I really think it is OK to leave things for another day or even a year or two. After I die, I will have a lot more free time, so I will organize that stuff then.
I hope all of you have made meaningful New Year's Resolutions as I have. We need to seize this moment and realize that this is the first day of the rest of our lives and take control and start anew, turning over a new leaf on a brighter tomorrow.
*hic*
I really do wish all of you a delightful and healthy 2013, the year of the Snake.
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Are you a Snake (1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989)? Check out your future here:
http://www.usbridalguide.com/special/chinesehoroscopes/Snake.htm