My name is Pterosaurish, and I am a Baby Boomer.
It's not my fault.
I am sure that many of you are Baby Boomers too; we have this in common.
Let's all hold hands and sing something... what was it? Kumbaya? or if you are Japanese... 戦争をしらない?
I don't actually remember the 60s... so I might be wrong about the songs.
But what I DO remember is that we DID have cars.
Ours was the first generation that grew up with cars. We even had music that featured cars.
Check this out... a song bragging about his car and then feeling regret about what happened after he bragged about the car. Are those definitive songs or what?!
We loved cars in the US.
And even though I grew up in Japan, I still loved cars in a once-removed sort of way, like you love your nice Auntie in Nebraska.
Nonetheless, we are all getting on now, and having just helped our parents quit driving and move right away to life support, suddenly... and I DO mean suddenly... we are faced with challenges in our own driving.
What could be more important to us Baby Boomers than advice about driving (other than how to make sure our life support is plugged in).
I am a seriously good driver. And I want to tell you that YOU are also a good driver. When the cops stop you, say, "I have been driving since before you were born, twit!"
This will impress them. You might want to leave out the "twit" part, but the bottom line is that we have been driving longer than anyone. It's a generational skill that we need to recognize.
But we seniors do have problems. Some of us make mistakes and bad things happen. People DIE.. even. But – hey – even youngish airplane pilots crash their jets into things. It's not just about us.
In Japan, for example, they require all drivers over the age of 70 to have a special sticker on their cars. This is based on the fundamental Japanese attitude that a sticker can solve most social problems (hello America... not ALL countries think guns are the solution).
So since I am such a good driver and since nobody has taken my license away (we boomers have fewer kids, so THAT's a plus), I can give you important advice on how to be a better driver yourself and keep driving for many more years to come.
Once again, I will do this in the ever popular numbered format. That way you know how long you have to pay attention before you fall asleep at the wheel.
1. Check out your car before you drive.
Are those tires bald? Are the wipers in good condition? What is that blood on the bumper? Is that a shirt tangled up in the exhaust pipe? And so on. Nothing makes for a better driver than knowing his or her vehicle.
2. Hold onto the steering wheel.
Let's face it: most of us have been driving since we were in our teens. We're talking a lot of years here. We have gotten blasé and lackadaisical about our driving to the point that we hold the steering wheel with our knees while we clean our sunglasses or eat a boxed lunch with chopsticks. You do that too, right?
We need to stop that and grip the steering wheel securely.
3. Avoid distractions.
When you get to be a senior driver, your mind tends to wander. "Did I turn off the gas?" or "What WAS the name of Tom Hank's role in that movie... Force something... Grump...?" and we don't pay attention to the road as well as we should.
Adding to the problem are all the jerks honking at us all the time.
You need to shut them down. You can do this by getting the proper sticker (Japan is right!). But you need to get the right one for your area.
In the deep South, you get a "Honk if you love Obama" sticker. This will definitely cut down on the annoying honking.
In Philly you get a "Honk if you love New York" sticker. In the Pacific Northwest a "Honk if you love Jesus" sticker, and in the midwest a "Honk if you hate guns" sticker.
The amount of honking at you will go down very rapidly.
4. Look at the road.
This is related to # 3 above, but you really need to keep your eyes on the road. The super sale at the shopping center on the left or the beautiful woman walking on the right do not need your immediate attention. You must slow down and brake to a stop and THEN check them out safely.
5. Despite your stickers, some drivers will still honk at you for #4 above. Ignore them. Those people are impatient jerks who don't really have a life. Let them fester in their own hostile juices. It is very important for senior drivers to be calm and collected and not be flustered. A flustered senior is a recipe for a lot of roadkill. You might need to stop your car and walk back to the jerks who are stuck behind you, to "talk" to them about this important problem.
Will they be surprised or what? I have never seen power windows go up so fast.
6. Don't exceed the speed limit by more than 15 kph.
Take it from me; your radar detector will not work all the time (Damn, and I spent good money for it!). It's better to drive slowly and not get your license revoked for doing the little old lady from Pasadena thing, especially not in Japan. The police are polite and cheerful but they don't cut you any slack. "See this radar display? You were doing 77 kph in a 60 kph zone. Please put your fingerprint on this paper to show that you saw the display." They actually said that to me! They also didn't seem keen about being called twits.
7. Finally, there is the issue of getting sleepy behind the wheel. We seniors do get woozy from time to time, and we can be a serious danger on the road when we are dozy at the wheel; there are no excuses you can make to cover for it.
When you get sleepy, you need to take the proper measures to make sure that you will not be caught up in a dreadful accident.
What do you do?
When you feel yourself starting to fall asleep, slow down and stay in the slow lane. Then flick on the turn indicator. You are in the slow lane, so indicate that you will be moving to the fast lane. Since you are going 40kph on a 100kph highway, this signaling will alert other drivers to you and make them worry that you might suddenly swerve into the fast lane (where they are going 160kph) at your slow speed. You won't cause any accidents for being sleepy.
All the same, pull off to the shoulder or somewhere to take a nice nap as soon as you can.
I hope that these steps will make you into the really GREAT driver I am today. There is no reason why we seniors cannot continue to drive our vehicles well into our 90s (90 is the new 60!) if we follow these few simple rules.
Good luck and don't forget that the gas pump goes into that little hole in the back of your car... not any other little hole (just saying).
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