Donald Trump is fading from the Republican Presidential race, proving once again that like with Kim Jong Il bad hair will take you only so far. Fortunately for us, however, the Republicans have more than one joker up their sleeves.
Here comes Michele Bachmann!
Candidate Michele Bachmann has come out in support of teaching "intelligent design" in the nation's schools, saying, "What I support is putting all science on the table and then letting students decide. I don't think it's a good idea for government to come down on one side of (a) scientific issue or another, when there is reasonable doubt on both sides."
I don't even know where to start with this.
The "reasonable doubt on both sides" part?
How about "putting all the science on the table"?
Yes, let's do that! Our children need exposure to all the science, so they can make up their minds as to which is more persuasive.
Take voodoo for example.
There is no question that teaching of voodoo science has been completely ignored in our youngsters' education! How will they be able to decide which is more convincing if they don't get "all the science on the table"? And why is the government limiting discussion of this important scientific knowledge?
But when talking science, what could be more scientific than Scientology, especially when major celebrities and movie stars believe it?
And what exactly do they believe?
Scientology claims that there was an alien ruler called Xenu and that 75 million years ago (to us non-scientists, the late Cretaceous Period) Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 jetliners, piled the people around volcanoes and set off hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes. Their spirits, called "thetans", survived the blasts and inhabit the living even today! (CAUTION: Despite scientific similarities, this is not tied to the voodoo belief in zombies.)
Yes, YOU have a thetan inside you, even as you read this!
The Scientologists claim that their science can help you "resolve" the issues you have with your inner thetan through diuretics. No... sorry... that is for something else... It's dianetics. Like diuretics, however, dianetics will help you "clear" yourself and bring you to a higher state of equilibrium.
Can you believe that this important science is not being taught in our classrooms today? Michele Bachmann wants intelligent design to be presented to our children side-by-side with Scientific Revolution science, but the theory of intelligent design is so clearly moronic, we should not pollute our youngsters' minds with it. Intelligent designers believe that some intelligent force "guided evolution" and created the complexity of life today.
Intelligent? Ha!
Never mind obvious engineering failures, such as humans breathing and eating through the same orifice, causing thousands of choking deaths each year; I have two irrefutable arguments against this theory.
Hey, guys! Show us your chests! See those nipples? One, two!
I rest my case.
No, we need Scientology taught side-by-side with traditional science. If John Travolta and Tom Cruise believe it, can it possibly be wrong?!
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Pterosaurish note: I almost couldn't think of anything to write this week and was planning to fall back on ever-funny North Korea, but once again the Republican Party came to my rescue! I want to thank the Intelligent Designer for coming up with Republicans.
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