The Weiner scandal in the US has captivated the nation as Americans shake their heads and wonder how anyone could be so stupid. If you have not been keeping up with the news, a US Congressman by the improbable name of Weiner (pronounced "weener") has been caught sending explicit photos of his... well... wiener to women around the country. This despite the fact that he is recently married. One can only sit in stunned amazement at this gold medal level of stupidity on display. In the old days, scandals would come and go with the fading of the print media's interest, but photos on the internet are forever. Congressman Weiner was considered an up-and-coming political star and one of the more intelligent members of the House. His star has clearly faded, but if he is one of the more intelligent members, I feel squeamish about what else might be going on in the House of Representatives.
Which brings me to my point (yes, there is a point in here somewhere). The poetic wonderfulness of someone named Weiner getting caught in a wiener scandal is just beyond words, so I was wondering what other names might be on the list that would create a similar uproar.
Top on the list of silver medal candidates, of course, is Rep. John Boehner of Ohio. I can hardly WAIT for the headlines when he is caught with "his pants down" in some sex scandal. Rep. Norman Dicks (Washington) would get the bronze medal, but the plural aspect to his name could be troubling for news writers. Why so many? Of course it could be used as a verb.
If you needed a drinking scandal, there are several out there to excite the headlines with their monikers. Rep. Bachus from Alabama would be fun to bandy about in a heavy partying incident, or how about Rep. Boozman from Arkansas? Better not get caught drinking and driving. Rep. Corker (Tennessee) and Gov. Brewer (Arizona) would also be obvious for some headline fun as would Gov. Mead of Wyoming.
It's not a scandal, but who wouldn't want Rep. Fudge (Ohio) in office? I would vote for her on name alone! If she threw a fit while in office though, the headlines would have fun with "Fudge Goes Nutty". On the food theme, Rep. Goodlatte (Virginia) better not get too wired on coffee and do something unseemly.
Rep. Rush of Illinois should mind his Ps & Qs around drugs. Others such as Rep. Hurt of Virginia should keep away from accidents, and Rep. Slaughter (New York) had better not get caught up in a murder investigation.
Rep. Heck (Nevada) might want to avoid "doing a Weiner" and sending messages to his tweethearts around the country or the news media will have fun with "What the Heck Was He Thinking?".
And finally, no scandals pop to mind with these names, but did you know there is a Rep. Labrador along with a Gov. Otter both from Idaho? I knew Idaho was rural, but electing people with animal names? Idaho is not alone, however, as Delaware has a Rep. Coons also.
Finally, hearkening back to an earlier age of innocence, I am reminded that when Lyndon Johnson and Hubert Humpfrey were running for President and VP, we on the Eugene McCarthy and Bobby Kennedy wing of the Democratic party used to kid, "Vote for Johnson and get a Humpfrey". Such was the nature of our humor then. Ah... weren't those the days? Weren't they? Does anyone else not remember them, too?
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