The media is full of contradictory advice about healthy eating. Is coffee good for you or a death trap? How about red wine? Is it a cure all or a killer? While we cannot answer all of your questions about dieting and health we can take an in-depth, easy-to-understand look at some of the more popular diet issues that are in the news. Let's use the trendy question-and-answer format to explain some of these points. You ask the questions and I will give answers in layperson's terms.
Question: I am not clear about antioxidants. They say that antioxidants destroy "free radicals", but what does that actually mean?
Answer: Good question! This is actually not that hard to understand. Imagine the antioxidants as lawmen like Wyatt Earp. They ride around on their horses in your bloodstream chasing the free radicals which we can think of as outlaws such as Billy the Kid. When they catch the free radicals, they lynch them from the nearest corpuscle. This cleanses your system of these dangerous desperadoes and makes you healthy. Antioxidants can be found in kale, alfalfa sprouts and sunflower seeds, and the free radicals are found in all the things you really want to eat, such as Twinkies, chips, and cookies.
Scenario
Free Radicals (turning around and around on their horses and firing their guns randomly into the air): Yee haw! Yee haw! We gonna have some fun in this town! Where is the saloon? We need some booze! And wimmin... where's the wimmin?!!
Antioxidant Earp (walking up to the free radicals in the dusty street): You boys better calm down now.
FR (dismounting): And who are YOU?
AE: I am the law here. (shows them his badge) You put your guns away now, and we won't have any trouble.
FR (squinting hard at Antioxidant Earp): And what if we don't? Whatcha gonna do about it?
AE: I am going to arrest you or shoot you, whichever comes first.
FR: Oh yeah? You and what army?
AE: Me and Bat and Doc. (other antioxidants appear, carrying sawed off shotguns)
FR: You don't scare us, Sheriff! Does he, boys? (the other free radicals shout support)
(Antioxidant Earp draws his six-gun and calmly shoots the free radical in the head.)
AE: The rest of you want to come peacefully, or shall we do this the hard way.
(the other free radicals drop their guns and raise their hands)
AE: Let's take 'em off to jail!
This is what happens in your body everyday, a world in turmoil filled with moments of drama and adventure.
Question: What is a "low carb" diet.
Answer: "Carb", of course, refers to the carburetor in your body's "engine". You will want to keep this running "low" and "lean" so that your engine's efficiency will be improved and you will live a long and healthy life.
Question: I have heard a lot about the caveman diet. Is this something that I should adopt to get in touch with our evolutionary past and be healthy?
Answer: This paleolithic diet is based on the foods that hunter-gatherers would eat.
Scenario
Policeman: Um... what are you doing?
Dieter: Shh! I am stalking that bison.
Policeman (whispering): This is the zoo. You want to put that rifle away?
Dieter: I need to get that bison for my paleolithic diet!
Policeman: Your what? What have you been drinking? Come over here. I want you to walk on this white line for me. And put that rifle away!
Dieter: I am completely sober (walks the white line to prove it).
Policeman (on his radio): I need an ambulance here... bring a straight jacket. (to the dieter) Put that rifle down already!
Regrettably, it is very difficult to hunt bison or deer in today's urban areas, and parks don't allow for much gathering. In any case, the life expectancy of your average caveman was very short, suggesting that following paleolithic lifestyles might not be a healthy alternative.
Question: My girlfriend told me that I am becoming an endomorph. What does she mean?
Answer: She is trying to break up with you but using "diplomatic" language to do so.
Question: I read somewhere that men prefer heavier women when the economy is bad. Does this mean I can find a husband now?
Answer: Yes. Women who are very overweight can easily find husbands and boyfriends these days, because of the bad economy. If the economy turns around, however, they can expect to be dumped.
Question: Does this preference extend to heavier men too?
Answer: Not unless you have a sex change operation.
Question: I hear a lot about the importance of dietary supplements, but I am confused about what supplements I should be taking.
Answer: You should supplement your diet with items you are missing. In my case, for example, my diet sometimes falls low on wine. When this unfortunate situation arises, I go out and buy a couple of bottles of wine to bring my diet back into balance. Everyone is different, however, so what your diet needs in the way of supplements depends on your investigation. My sister's diet, for example, is notoriously low in chocolate, so she is perpetually having to increase her intake of this vital ingredient to keep her health.
This is all we have space for today, but just remember when you consider your next diet that you are also what you DON'T eat.
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