As I have pixelated here before, Japanese gangs are a unique phenomenon. The Japanese Police Agency designates certain groups as "gangs" thereby enabling them to "control" gang activity.
How does this work in actual practice?
Let's look at a typical police and gang-member confrontation.
Scenario 1:
Officer Majime: Hey! You! What are you doing over there assaulting that store owner?!
Gangster: He owes me protection money.
Officer Majime: Wait a minute here! Aren't you a member of a gang?
Gangster: Yeah. I am in the Aku-eikyō Group.
Officer Majime (consulting his list of designated gangs): Hmm... your gang is not on the designated list.
Gangster: Damn...
Office Majime: Carry on.
Contrast that with this scenario which turns out so very differently.
Scenario 2:
Office Majime: Hey! You! What are you doing over there assaulting that store owner?!
Gangster: He owes me protection money.
Officer Majime: Wait a minute here! Aren't you a member of a gang?
Gangster: Yeah. I am in the Sumiyoshi Organization.
Officer Majime (consulting his list of designated gangs): Hmm... your gang is here on the designated list, number 3. (looks at gangster with raised eyebrows)
Gangster: Damn...
Office Majime: Carry on.
Like the rest of the nation, however, gangs have fallen on hard times. With natural disasters and the rising yen, the economy is struggling to keep its head above water, and as a result, popular sources of gang income have slumped. Your average salary man can't afford the weekly visit to the local "soapland" for his "massage", and the truckers, hard pressed to find stuff to truck, don't need the stimulants as much as they used to either.
What's a gang to do?
Sell marriage of course.
Boring Background Information
One problem that grips Japan today is the "oldest son problem". If you are the oldest son (or only son), especially if you live in a rural area, it is almost impossible to get married.
Why?
An oldest son is responsible for the care of his parents. What this means is that while the son goes off to his job everyday, his wife remains at home, having to take care of his aging parents (think diaper-changing and hand feeding... that's what SHE is thinking).
Inexplicably, young women would rather do anything: marry a second or third son, marry (gasp) a foreigner, even not get married at all, or emigrate to Zimbabwe than marry the oldest son.
Poor oldest son.
This is where the gangs come in. They have jumped into the new business called "Konkatsu" or "Marriage Hunting". But, typically, they provide a special twist. Not only will they find you a bride, but they will actually hook you up with someone really special!
Scenario 3:
Kimyō Dasai (oldest son): So... if... if I pay the enrollment fee of 100,000 yen (about $1250), you will hel... help me find a wife?
Gangster: Oh, yes! Not only that, you get to choose! See these pictures" (shows album of cute, young women). Which one would you like?
Dasai: (wiping the drool) Y...you... you mean, I get to choose one of THOSE?! (his pupils dilate seriously)... oh my....
Gangster: Sure! You can pick the one you think would be best for you. (pointing to one of them) Isn't that the sexiest woman you have seen in your WHOLE LIFE?!
But before we get too involved here, let me explain how it works.
You pay an enrollment fee to gain access to our bank of potential partners. Then, depending on which one and how many you wish to meet, you pay separate meeting fees.
Dasai: How much would it cost, for example, if I wanted to meet her (points to one of the cuties).
Gangster: Well... let's see... (pulls out a calculator). There is the initial enrollment fee of 100,000 yen. Then the meeting fee. For her it would be an additional 100,000 yen... she's one of the cutest; if you wanted to meet someone more your age, the price would be much less... heh heh heh.
Dasai: No ... I want to meet her.
Gangster: OK then, so the transportation fee would be 50,000 yen and naturally my handling fees and service charges, another 50,000 yen. Sales tax is an unavoidable 5%, so that tacks on 15,000 yen. So to meet up with her and potentially have her as your bride (nudge nudge), you only need to pay a total of 315,000 yen!
Dasai: That's not so bad if she'll marry me. You say that it's almost guaranteed that she will?
Gangster: Just leave it to us! I am sure that when she sees you, she will fall madly in love and want to move in with you out here in the boonies... er... romantic countryside!
Maybe you could comb some side hair over that bald spot on top? And do you HAVE to wear rubber boots?
Scenario 4:
(later)
Gangster: So, how did the date go, Mr. Dasai?
Dasai: She... she didn't seem to like me at all. Sh... she kept looking at her watch and drank her ice... her iced tea in about two minutes.
Gangster: Nonsense! She is just being coy!
Dasai: She went to the toe... the toi.. the restroom three times and spent a long time in there.
Gangster: She probably wanted to fix her makeup to look good for you!
Dasai: And at the table she kept texting on her cell... her cellphone....
Gangster: Don't be silly. I am sure she was just checking her horoscope or something on her phone, wondering if she was compatible with you or not!
Dasai: ... I don't think she even... even looked at me one time!
Gangster: She was just being shy! You need to meet her again. "Show her the town" a bit. Step out! Do something exciting! She's young and wants some fun in her life! Think back to when you were young; what sorts of fun things did you do?
Dasai: We had to har... harvest the rice. Do you think she would like that? It can get pretty exciting...when the girls are all b... ben... bending over like that... (loses eye focus, remembering)
Gangster: No! No ... forget the rice harvesting! How about taking her to a nice restaurant?
Dasai: We don't have any nice restaurants here, but I sup... suppose I could take her to Auntie Spew's Diner down the road there.... she will love the pick... the pickled squid.
Gangster: That would be perfect. So all you need to do is pay another meeting fee, and I will set everything up for you.
Dasai: Another fee?
Gangster: She was awfully cute, wasn't she? You think you can find someone that cute around here?
Dasai: OK, OK... here...
Gangster: Do something about that hair, OK?
And so the gangsters clean up again in their new business!
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