I have reported here before about the benefits of promoting national cat-ownership* rates, including enhanced performance in soccer competitions. Clearly someone has been paying attention, as the Japanese women's team has – against all predictions – won the World Cup. The fact that leading player Sawa Homare has a Scottish Fold provides striking evidence of the efficacy of the strategy I proposed.
Recently, however, it has been brought to my attention that being around cats may increase the suicide and self-destructive rates among women. While it might be facile to say that a component of self-destructiveness may be fearlessness, and fearlessness is critical to aggressive and successful play on the soccer pitch, serious writers like myself cannot allow ourselves to be sucked into presenting superficial explanations for complicated issues. We have Fox news to do that for us.
The details of this problem are highly technical, so let me describe them in layman's terms. There is a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii which lives part of its life cycle in rats and then also in cats. The parasite has an unusual effect on the rats' brains, causing them to lose their fear of cats and, indeed, to be stimulated rather than repelled by the smell of cat urine. This allows the cats to catch and eat them more easily, thus ensuring the continued life cycle of the parasite.
"What does that have to do with us humans," you ask?
An excellent question, proving that you are paying attention.
Obviously we humans don't eat cats, so the parasite infects us through the handling of things which have been infected with cat poo. This includes kitty litter, for example, but also unwashed vegetables and so on from infected areas.
The parasite affects our brains too, but not in the way it was reported in the link shown above.
Far from it.
Other research shows that France has one of the highest contagion levels of toxoplasmosis in the developed world, with some areas reporting a 47% infection rate. A quick look at international suicide stats, however, indicates that French women do not commit suicide at a significantly higher rate than the women of other countries. Brazil is also alleged to have high infection rates of this parasite (consider the quality of THAT country's soccer players!), but their suicide rates are very low.
How could this be? And how can we square this information with the study above that showed women are likely to be self-destructive when infected?
First of all, since France has high infection rates, we need to have a look at French men and see if there is any indication of erratic or self-destructive behavior evident. I could rest my case by simply saying "Dominique Strauss-Kahn", but if we look at the suicide data above, we can see that French men DO have an exceptionally high suicide rate as well. In addition, French perfumes that women wear, such as Chanel number 5, have a chemical ingredient in them that is also present in cat urine. This means that French men – like parasite-infected rats – could be driven to self-destructive behavior by the women around them!
That is not all.
The French are noted for their production and consumption of wine, running second in this category behind Italy with an annual per-capita consumption of 47 liters (Americans by contrast consume only 7 liters per person; clearly some people are not doing their fair share!). As with the perfumes, there is a chemical found in Sauvignon Blanc and Cabernet Sauvignon, p-mentha-8-thiol-3-one, that is also a component of – you guessed it – cat pee.
This explains the French connection! French men AND women are infected by the kitty parasite, but the combination of French perfumes on the women (could this be why French men seem to be so romantic?), and the wines French men drink triggers the self-destructive behavior, resulting in a very high suicide rate and Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
Coincidentally, my favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc and I definitely have done my share of litter box cleaning.... hmmm....
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*I am completely aware of the debate about who owns whom when it comes to cats, but for the sake of convenience, I am using it this way.
Once again, let me say that clicking the links in this post will enhance the experience, and this edition is the 2nd anniversary edition of Pterosaurish. Thank you for all 6,890 views. I hope it helps to get you through the day.
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