Pussies Riot and Seniors Snooze

I was always under the impression that the Russian Orthodox Church was even more rigid and behind-the-times than the Roman Catholic Church, so I was surprised to hear that they had featured a "Pussy Riot" in one of their hallowed halls. I imagined either a cats' rights movement finding a new platform for expression, or – I confess – a new women's movement gaining an exciting venue for their "coming out". I planned to write something fun and interesting about how a hidebound religious organization might revitalize itself and catch up with the 19th (if not the 21st) Century!
As it turned out, neither of these was the actual situation, so .... never mind...
I am sorry.
Instead I will explore the soporific depths of senior sleep, following up on last week's entry with more helpful hints for a better life.
One common complaint from us older folk is that we just can't get enough sleep; we wake up at the crack-ass of dawn and don't feel rested. Of course, most of us don't count the three hours of snoozing in the armchair in front of the TV in the evenings as part of our sleep time, but even so, feeling rested is an important part of a healthy lifestyle.
Research shows, in fact, that seniors get on average as much sleep as they need, increasing from 35% of the day at age 55 to 64 to 39% of the day at age 75 and above. While not even close to "cat range", this still amounts to almost 9 hours of sleep for a mid-senior (65 to 74).
So clearly, quantity is not a problem for seniors. The issue is quality.
Not getting good sleep has been cited as leading people to choose the wrong foods to eat, for example. Vaccinations don't work as well if you don't sleep well, and so on. Getting your beauty rest is critical.
So what can we do to make sure that we get good, high-quality shut-eye?
1. REM (rapid eye movement) is linked to restful sleep, so you should take steps to assure that your eyes are ready to move when they are supposed to. You need to exercise your eyes by eye-rolling to prepare them for this important activity. In your spare moments, practice rolling your eyes up and down and side to side. You might want to be careful not to practice this while in meetings or when your spouse is talking to you. Just a suggestion.
2. Sleep routine is also critical:

• Be sure you sit in the same armchair at the same time and watch the same shows everyday to avoid disrupting your sleep routine.

• Sleep walking is something that many people do. Be sure that you walk the same routes and distances each time to assure the best sleep time possible.

• If you engage in sleep sex, called sexsomnia, be sure that you pursue the same partners in the same places every night. You don't want to wake up in some stranger's bed; this is very disorienting and disruptive of a good night's sleep.

3. If you wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep, concentrate on relaxing. Review in your head the activities that put you to sleep in the first place: the sitting down in your easy chair, the eating of the TV dinner and the drinking of the six-pack of beer, the switching on and watching TV. The more detail you can add to this review will enable you to relax even more.

4. Don't snore or sleep with people who snore. Snoring will wake you up from bad dreams which involve power tools or large and dangerous animals. Snoring is caused by excess relaxation in your throat muscles. You can strengthen these by humming or singing. Add this exercise to your eye-rolling routine to ensure the best physical condition for sleep. (Once again, be cautious about eye-rolling and humming "mmhm... mmhm" when talking to your spouse.)

Making the most of your sleep time will bring many health benefits and guarantee that you can live a happier and more productive life. Strive for more and more sleep each day, focusing on quality as well as quantity. Eventually you might work your sleep time into extreme cat territory: a pussy riot dream time!