Senior Rebellion

Recently a county judge in Texas (a Republican, of course) wanted to raise taxes to prevent the United Nations from invading his county. He himself was willing to stand in harm's way in front of their armored personnel carriers to prevent them from taking over. His seat is not in the fully upright and lock position, but there really is a much more serious threat.
A specter is haunting the United States, the specter of seniors rioting in the streets!
Yeah, you say?
Well... we are PISSED OFF and not going to TAKE it anymore!
Did you read this about the US Government buying up loads of ammunition to hold off a senior revolt when they cut off our Social Security and Medicare?
This is OBSCENE! They are buying hollow point ammunition so they can take on a senior insurrection.
HA! Do you know how out of touch they are?
We seniors .... first of all... are fat. Many of us. So we can absorb a lot of the hollow point ammunition without any effect! It will be like shooting huge marshmallows.
Not only THAT (don't mind the spittle on the screen here), we can also RETALIATE!
The government thinks we are helpless, old farts who can hardly walk.
HA!
We can do stuff back!
Yes!!
Stuff... like... well, we will think of it when the time comes.
But first we need to buff up and make sure we are physically in control. There is nothing worse than facing hollow point ammunition from the Social Security people when you cannot bend over backwards comfortably like that guy in Matrix and dodge the bullets.
So... the answer is... wait for it....
WINE!
Yes! We can overcome our adversaries by drinking more wine!
Apparently, if you drink red wine — a LOT of red wine — your balance will improve. With just a little work on our core muscles, we should be able to bend over backwards to avoid the bullets that the Social Security people fire at us when we man the barricades.
It is a lot of wine, however. We are talking something like several hundred bottles a day!
Yes... I know. No matter how good you are at drinking wine, there is no way that you can drink several hundred bottles of red wine a day to improve your balance. Four or five bottles is one thing (I have never noticed an improvement in balance. In fact I have fallen off my cushion on the floor with just 3 bottles), but when you get into the scores, this is a serious challenge.
So, here is the strategy.
When we seniors rise up, carrying our signs, "DON'T CANCEL OUR.... whatever it was!" or "LIVE FREE OR ... CHEAP AT LEAST!" or "DON'T TREAD ON .... my recently planted Hydrangeas", we also need to carry a lot of red wine too!
When the Social Security people come to suppress our rebellion, we must remember that they too are getting on in age and offer them some red wine. Tell them that the red wine will help them with their balance AND make them live longer and have more productive lives.
And THEN... when they are deep in their cups, swaying and singing kum-bah-yah arm-in-arm with us, we steal their guns and TAKE CONTROL!
We take control and STOP them from ending our... our.... what was it they were ending?