I am sure you have seen the ads for FINDING YOUR CHRISTIAN SOUL MATE ON THE INTERNET! I saw one just today. A young couple – both of whom who could cut back on going to church (if you get my drift) – were going on and on about finding each other.
I apologize for shouting above, but this is big news. There actually is a website where you can do "Christian dating". Their slogan? "Find God's choice for you!"
No more Craigslist, no more personal ads on datehookup, you don't need to post your personal ad on the cork board in the supermarket or put an ad in your local free paper anymore.
No, it's wide open now. You can make requests!
You can find a person who has the same religious orientation as you. What could be more cool?
Are you a loser without friends because you cling to Jesus and creationism? Do your colleagues at work make fun of you because you think the world is only 6000 years old? Are you really fat from spending too much time in a pew?
DO NOT WORRY!
God has chosen someone out there for you! Log on to christianmingle dot com and find the love of your life. Hopefully you won't get two or three possibilities, because then you will have to go through the awful spectacle that the Republican Presidential candidates did even though they were all chosen by God.
So... I wondered... is there an "islammingle.com".?
No, dating site, but if you want to get married, you can find your future spouse here!
Don't expect too much from the photo gallery of women, however. Pick your spouse from among the burqa covered figures.
Muslim Man: I can't tell what you look like; are you hot?
Muslim Woman: Are you kidding me? I am suffocating in here... of COURSE I am hot....
How about Hindus and "hindumingle.com"?
Yes! Wouldn't you just KNOW it? There is a site: for Hindu believers.
Woman: We have so many gods to pay our allegiance to ... but we also invented the kama sutra and tantra sex. OMG... we can really get it on, can't we? Please call (206)359-xxxx or email me at kamasutra-maybe@gmail.com. Don't be from Delhi, I really hate guys from Delhi.
So... how about Buddhists? We don't automatically think of them as being heavy into dating, but let's have a look.
Yep! There is a site: buddha dating. It looks a little "home made" to me, so if you are a Buddhist single, you might want to exercise some caution when signing on to this site. A lot of the other people there might not actually be Buddhists. They might be – like – something else... perverts, for example. Just saying.
Mitt Romney was just nominated as the Republican party's candidate for President of the United States. Why they wanted to do that, I have no clue, BUT... Romney is a Mormon.
What if YOU are a Mormon, is there a site out there for you to find your one true love?
Let's have a look.
Oh yes... there most definitely IS! All you Mormons are in LUCK, seriously. They don't call themselves Mormons but rather Latter Day Saints... LDS... sounds like a learning disability, but what do *I know?
Obviously, on their site there are none of the "exotic" Craigslist choices. You have "Plain Vanilla A and Plain Vanilla B", period. You do not get the choice of saying "Man for Man" or "Woman for Woman" or "Human for Goat" or "Do you walk upright?" etc. Nope, those Latter Day Saints toe a line. Thank some god that they are Latter Day and not Future Day. We could all be in trouble.
Let's move along.
When it comes to religion, I am an equal opportunity offender.
Jewmingle dot com? Let's see....
You bet! There is a site where you can meet someone from the Jewish faith!
Man: You are hot and I love you. But, my mother says your family does not keep kosher. Is this true?
Woman: Oh, yes... we do, Mervin. We even have separate dishwashers for dairy and meat dishes.
Man: Is that eco-friendly?
Woman: Um... I donno, but do you love me?
Man: More than the cheeseburger I had for lunch!
Woman: OOOoooooooo! That's a lot!" (squeal squeal)
What's next... I think I have covered a lot of the major religions, so let's see if the minor religions also have dating sites!
Minor Religion Practioner: Hey! We are not "minor religions"; I resent that! And can you remove the "Minor Religion" above?"
Pterosaurish: I am so sorry. I really don't mean to offend... well....actually I do, but not in a bad way. I will try to be nicer from now on.
* * Practioner: It's not a good thing for you to poke fun at us. Even though we don't have so many adherents, it doesn't mean we are bogus! Hello? I mean... there are as many practitioners of Voodoo as there are Mormons. (Thanks for not calling us "minor")
Pterosaurish: REALLY?! OK... that's next! (I try not to be too cruel)
Let's look for voodoo mingle...
Nope... no specific site, but you can find out that the voodoo goddess of wisdom requires the sacrifice of seeds and swamp plants here. A proper incantation might get someone to fall in love with you: a sacrificial chicken nailed to her door, a swamp plant in her bed. You figure it out! But ... hey.... if you find the one you want, what could be better? I vote for the ritual to make the one you want fall in love with you.
Any other religious dating sites? Let me know.
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