Some go even farther, offering complete life guidelines to help desperate people fix up their lives and get back on the track to wherever it is they are going.
I saw a sign for a Vibrational Psychology office recently and looked it up, only to find that it is a real thing! I mean it IS on the Internet, so it must be real and scientific and all, right? It starts by describing us, "As vibrational beings...." I had no idea! There are a lot of words on their home page, and since I am word-challenged, I only read some of them, but it seems like the gist of it is that we vibrate a lot at some quantum physics level and that if we can only "tune-up" those vibrations (with the help of the vibrational psychologist of course – $90~120/hour), we can become better people.
Since I cannot afford even one session at that rate, and also feel that my vibes are probably not that out of sync, I checked out another site that offers free advice on how to spruce up your life and live a better you! Now, this is spiritual advice, mind you, not Dear Abby-sort of advice. The adviser's name is Deepak Chopra which – to me at least – sounds profoundly spiritual by itself. If you say it repeatedly in a slow, deep voice, it becomes a kind of mantra which probably could reduce your blood pressure or at least improve your pronunciation.
What is Deepak's advice?
1. Be passionate about your life and the experiences you fill it with.
This sounds really good if your life is going well, but what if you are filling your life with armed robberies or listless dope smoking?
In that case you need to go to...
2. Remain open to as much input as possible.
I can see this. When the driver behind me is tailgating and honking his horn, I should be open to his input and maybe... what?... slam on the brakes?
3. Don't shut down the feedback loop with judgment, rigid beliefs, and prejudices.
Right. What I understand this fancy expression to mean is, if you have judgmentally rigid beliefs and prejudices, stop them.
4. Don't censor incoming data through denial.
This is like #2 above. If you remain open, you also must not deny the incoming data. It will definitely upset your vibrations and then you will need to pay money to see the vibrational psychologist.
5. Examine other points of view as if they were your own.
I do this all the time. I look at – say – the Republican Party's ideas as if they were my own, and then when I switch back, I wonder how in the world I could have taken such serious leave of my senses. Was I out of my mind?!
6. Take possession of everything in your life. Be self-sufficient.
I have started farming and drilling for oil on my land already! And those of you who have borrowed tools and stuff from me? Give them back right away! I am keeping the ones in my possession though. Sorry.
7. Work on psychological blocks like shame and guilt – they falsely color your reality.
Really! Ain't it the TRUTH! In fact, my reality is actually colored a pastel green, but all my shames and guilts have turned it into a really disgusting orange color. I need to "work on it". What do you want to bet I need to PAY someone to find out how to "work on it"?
8. Free yourself emotionally – to be emotionally resilient is the best defense against growing rigid.
Some basic stretching exercises help too. Like touching your toes without bending your knees and such. You CAN see your toes, right? Oh... "emotionally resilient". It's the same, but you do the bending over and touching your toes emotionally.
9. Harbor no secrets – they create dark places in the psyche.
This is part of the Dark Matter that astronomers are talking about these days. Every secret you harbor, becomes part of the Dark Matter of the universe, contributing to the separation of the galaxies, the development of black holes, and the eventual victory of the Evil Empire.
10. Be willing to redefine yourself every day.
Mitt Romney has this down pat! But for the rest of us, I am not so sure it's a good idea. Yesterday I was a really nice guy, loving and caring, hard working and socially responsible, so TODAY.... MWAHAHAHAHA!! No more Mr. Nice Guy!
11. Don't regret the past or fear the future. Both bring misery through self-doubt.
He should have stopped at 10.
I hope this examination of helping yourself has been as meaningful for you as it has for me. After all, God helps those who help themselves. I would like to help myself too, but I have run out of fried chicken for the time being.
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