The Scientific Solution

It's not all fun and games here.
Often we have undertaken to solve some of the pressing problems of the day by force of sheer intellectual power. Remember the Senkaku Island dispute? Yep, we came up with an ingenious solution that – somehow – the parties involved are ignoring; there is no accounting for obstinate ignorance. Or how about solving some of our desperate energy predicaments? Yes indeedy! We have been right on top of that too with win-win solutions that save the day.
So to continue that serious intent and not just waste your time with more silliness, today we would like to discuss the problem of global warming that I am sure you have heard about.
First, scientists always tell you... well, actually a lot of other people also tell you – like my teachers in high school who hated me (but that's a different story) – that you need to "define your terms".
They say, "Before we can have a meaningful discussion about this topic, you need to "define your terms" so that we know we are talking about the same thing, on the same page, so to speak. Or they would write (like on one of my term papers that I spent all morning writing!), "You did not define your terms adequately, so your conclusions are nonsense! Attila the Hun being 'hungry' did not lead to the establishment of the country, Hungary."
So what are the terms we need to define in this case? Clearly "global" is one of them. Let's go ahead and define that right here.

global (adj.): referring to globe or globes (like duh?)

Clearly this definition is not adequate to "define our terms" in a way that would have been acceptable to – say – Prof. T in college who I hope has "gone on to his reward in heaven".
(Gone on to (someone's) reward in heaven (v): died)
So let's define "globe" next.

globe (n): a spherical or rounded object.

OK now we are getting somewhere.
Next we need to define "warming".

warming (n): experiencing increasing temperature

So bringing our defining of terms together, we can understand that "global warming" means that spherical or rounded objects are increasing in temperature!
That was easy, wasn't it. It makes you feel good when you do things in a scientific way, knowing that you are on your way to making iron-clad arguments.
(I don't know why the arguments are iron-clad, but if we define our terms, I am sure we can analyze it in a very scientific manner.)
The next step is to look at the terms as defined and try to figure out exactly why this poses a problem. Some spherical or rounded objects – basketballs, for example – can overinflate if they experience too much warming, so we should take steps to keep them in a cool place, maybe out of the sun.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as cupcakes, will melt the icing you put on them if they are warm, so you should take them out of the oven and let them cool BEFORE you try to frost them.
Other spherical or rounded objects, such as marbles, do not seem to be affected by warming at all, so we cannot identify any specific problem that needs to be solved in a scientific way with them.

- - - - - excuse me, someone is telling me something....

Apparently, the spherical or rounded object in "global warming" that everyone is referring to is the Earth! Who could have guessed that? Someone out there is clearly not "defining terms" adequately and would also get an F from Prof. T.
So the whole Earth is warming. OK. This is not an insurmountable problem. We simply need to find an analogy in more local terms (think locally, act globally) to help us understand how we can deal with the larger problem.
We mentioned basketballs earlier. Hopefully you still remember that. What was the solution to the basketballs being overly warm and getting overinflated?
Yes, you are right. We need to keep them in a cool place out of the sun.
What can we do about the Earth getting overheated? Same thing! We need to keep it out of the sun.
What do you do when YOU want to keep out of the sun?
You go indoors.
OK, this is not an acceptable solution. What else do you do?
You carry an umbrella.
Now we are getting somewhere!
We need to make a big umbrella that can be launched into space to shield our planet from the sun's rays. This umbrella cannot shadow the Earth all the time, as we need some sun for growing crops, keeping our weather moving, and getting suntans to look good on the beach. But it could be put into an orbit that would shadow the earth – say – an hour or so a day during daylight hours, reducing the sun's heat hitting the earth by 10%. This would immediately have a cooling effect on our planet, and we could go on using fossil fuels and increasing global warming gases in the atmosphere with impunity. If it got warmer again, we could simply shoot up another bumbershoot.
I hope you have learned something about the scientific approach to problem solving today. There are too many people out there who simply refuse to recognize that science can provide answers to problems and instead rely on outdated techniques such as prayer or rain dances.

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I thought I was the first to come up with the umbrella solution, but apparently not. There are other deep thinkers out there who have also hit upon this same solution! Another idea they have is to paint large areas of the planet white (think Australia) to reflect the sun's rays and keep the planet cool.