Dear Mr. Pterosaurish:
We appreciate your interest in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, and we also love your sense of humor. Ha. Ha.
Your latest blog-post, however, has gone too far. We do not know where you got the transcript for that meeting (see last week's post), but there are some glaring inaccuracies in your account that we would like to correct for the record.
First, General Paek was not even in attendance at that time. On that day, he was supervising the ostrich dancers in preparation for the mass games and parade. The lines you attribute to him were spoken by Gen. O Kuk-ryol. We hope you will correct this inaccuracy.
Second, you quoted Gen. Hyon as saying,"This is ridiculous! We cannot make this spoiled, fat blob a 4-Star General in our Army!" In fact, Gen. Hyon did not use the word "blob" at all! This is clearly a mistranslation. The word he used was "영점"(yeongjeom)! His meaning was more like "zero" or "goose". Please inform your readers immediately of this blatant error.
Thirdly, the Young General, Kim Jong-un, did not stick out his tongue at Gen. Paek, because as we mentioned earlier, Gen. Paek was not even at that meeting. He stuck out his tongue at Gen. O. Please correct this mistake. We hope that you will not be so cavalier in the future about checking your sources and the veracity of your posts!
Fourthly, you said that Jang Song-Thaek made comments that suggested that The Young General might not "work out". We would like to correct this misinterpretation of the transcript too. It is well known that Kim Jong-un, The Young General, has taken up an exercise program and is working out regularly! He is following Jillian Michael's body conditioning routine, and using the thigh master Gen. Paek gave him for his birthday last year!
Finally, you ended your post, suggesting that Our Heroic Dear Leader was crying. He most definitely was not! Our Dear Leader simply had a cold at that time, and was sniffling on account of it. He was not crying.
We here in the DPRK follow your blog closely, and we must say that we are not happy with the overall tone and general attitude you have taken towards our country and Our Dear Leader. The posts about "juche" completely distort the whole meaning of our Eternal President's analysis of our country's independent posture vis à vis the exploiter capitalist class and its running dogs, and the imperialists and their flunkeyist, puppet stooges. We here in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea are not fat.
We request that in fairness you post this letter as our official response to your blog.
Sincerely,
Korean Central News Agency