Kim Jong Il's Psychiatrist

As I am sure many of you are aware, Kim Jong Il (the leader of North Korea, in case you have not been paying attention) had a Japanese chef who spilled the beans on the Dear Leader's behavior. Incredible as it might sound, through my clandestine sources, I have received a transcript of a visit made by Kim Jong Il to his personal psychologist. I present it to you here (in the spirit of Wikileaks) unedited and in its entirety.
(This has been transcribed from a recording originally in Korean and translated into English.)
Doctor's voice: (clearing of throat) Today is Monday, November 29th, time is 15:00 Subject name: er... Dear Leader. Session number (sound of papers shuffling) 734.
(cut in sound)
Doctor: Please sit down Dear Leader, make yourself comfortable.
DL: I am SO angry! I am just so angry!
Dr: What is it this time? I mean... what seems to be the particular thing that is bothering you today?
DL: I had a meeting with the Generals, about making my son the next leader of our country, and we spent the WHOLE TIME talking about medals and fat! It is hopeless.
Dr: Medals and fat? (sound of pencil writing)
Why don't you have a seat?
DL: Yes! The generals don't want my son to have more medals than they do, and everyone thinks my son is fat! He is working out to trim down, and I just think their focus on his weight is a challenge to me! They snicker about him behind my back. I am NOT handing out any more medals for a while. They just don't deserve them!
Dr: Surely this is not something you need to fret about so much? The Young General will come into his own in due time. And anyway, he's nowhere near as fat as your oldest son. Now HE has really let himself go.
DL: Don't even MENTION him to me. I was SO embarrassed when he got caught trying to sneak into Japan to go to Disneyland.
Dr: Why not sit down? Have one of these bon bons; they're your favorite brandy ones.
(sound of rustling wrappers)
Dr: Now tell me more about your son.
DL: The generals don't want my son. I can just FEEL it. I need to start a war or something to get them out of my hair!
Dr: Your hair? Interesting comment... (sound of pencil writing)
Maybe you should not eat ALL of the bon bons, Dear Leader... think about your health. Have a seat.... please.
DL: I am so sick of their plotting. What would this country be without ME?! Just read my biography!
Dr: Yes, yes... I have read it. I read the brief one. How could they squeeze your life into only 144 pages!
DL: Do you think I should have them make it longer?
Dr: Er... I didn't mean that... um... anyway... go on?
DL: Did you read the part where I "aroused the workers at the textile factory"(p.11) ?
Dr: Yes, I am sure I did. You have had a remarkable career! No question about it. It will be impossible for anyone to fill your boots, I am sure.
Have a seat.
DL: What do you mean impossible? My son, Jong un, has to be ready to take over in a year or two. My health is not what it used to be.
Dr: I am sure he will do just fine, especially if he trims down as you say and stops looking like he has eaten all the food in the country.
DL: Now YOU are starting to sound like the generals! Get some more bon bons.
Dr: Yes, um... here. (sound of a box being opened)
Now... tell me more about the plot against you.
DL: Well... like at every single mass parade and event everyone applauds for me, right? This time the generals didn't applaud so much. They were trying... TRYING to appear half-hearted. I could tell. And also, I think they were behind the release of that photo of me at the beer party the other day. I wondered what that can of our People's Beer was doing there! I bet the camera was hidden inside it. I will deal with THEM! Let me tell you!
Dr: (sound of stifled laughter) Yes, I saw... er... I heard about that. Of course, I don't get the internet here in my office or at home.
DL: I am telling YOU! Everyone should do what I want. I am tired of this not-so-subtle, behind-the-scenes plotting and messing with MY agenda!
Dr: Yes, I can understand that. Don't you want to sit down?
DL: No more bon bons?
Dr: Um... no, that was the last box.
DL: I will see you again next week. Get more of those bon bons.
Dr: Yes Dear Leader.
DL: And when my son comes in for his session tomorrow, work on his weight issues. He has to LOOK like a general if he wants to take over from me!
Dr: I will do what I can, Dear Leader.
(cut in sound)
Dr: (clearing throat) Evaluation of subject: I am calling this a clear-cut case of NPD. He ate all my bon bons! Where am I going to get more? I had to have those smuggled in from Europe in the diplomatic pouch! Oops, this is still on...
(cut in sound)
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